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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
ohmuffins · 06/02/2026 19:28

How gross. He is not proud of what you’ve achieved and I’m guessing he’s not been supportive of your career and he seems so jealous. His dad has the right attitude, he doesn’t. Just shows you how little and insecure your husband is.

Daleksatemyshed · 06/02/2026 19:28

So before this he'd made little digs at you in front of his parents and not wanting to embarrass him you let it go, he took it that you'd let him get away with it so last time he went to town and really tried to make you look small. He's sulking and angry not just because you showed him up but because he thought he was entitled to do it with no come back Op.
Quite honestly I don't see how your marriage can survive this, he's a sad little man whose always going to be mad that you've surpassed him

JuliettaCaeser · 06/02/2026 19:32

Genuinely what is the point of a spouse whose not even on your side?

Mil described my job as being “for pocket money”. I am a solicitor and out earned her son last year but hey no more impressive than a paper round ?!

wfhwfh · 06/02/2026 19:36

I agree with the PP’s saying it is awful that her husband isnt proud of her. But it goes beyond that because her career is funding their lifestyle. If he despises having a high-earning wife, why is he enjoying the spoils of her hard work?

He seriously needs to consider how he sees his future. Id give him a deadline to come up with a solution, OP. This is 100% HIS problem.

How does he speak to you when you’re with friends?

N00dleStrudel · 06/02/2026 19:38

What an insufferable twat. I was the high earner in a relationship for 12 years and my ex’s feelings of inadequacy also led to him being incredibly spiteful and constantly trying to get one-up.

Your father-in-law sounds lovely though.

ohmuffins · 06/02/2026 19:41

Just want to add that my PIL know that I earn just as much as their son and the one time my FIL hinted that I was benefitting from his sons hard work he got told that I in fact bring in half the salary. You deserve a man who appreciates the hard work that you do. I’m an internet stranger and I’m very proud of you

TolkienProd · 06/02/2026 19:45

Bloke here FWIW

Some men get very weird about the idea of their wives/gfs what have you earning more than them

You did nothing wrong and your husband sounds like a knobhead, I’m shocked you tolerated it as long as you did

Itsallanillusion · 06/02/2026 19:47

Joanjettsblackheads you are wonderful.

SL2924 · 06/02/2026 19:48

Good on his dad for backing you. Nice that he is proud of you. Well done!

Mysteise · 06/02/2026 19:52

Another one proud of you! I do hope your DH has other redeeming qualities as this does not paint him in a favourable light.

LemaxObsessive · 06/02/2026 19:52

@EviangeicaYou passed your phone around to show off your job? Are you quite alright??????

Igmum · 06/02/2026 19:52

Well done you and glad his dad is rooting for you.

Is there any reason why you are still married to this prince among men? If he regularly puts you down and diminishes your achievements you are 💯 better off without him.

Splendidsupergreat · 06/02/2026 19:52

He obviously feels threatened by your success. He should be proud of you.
Ultimately it doesn't really matter that anyone else knows how successful you are.
What matters is that he puts you down and ridicules you infront of others.

Your in-laws might not have even considered that your relationship should work the same way as theirs. It's all on dh. Now his cover has been blown. What an arsehole. He should be on your team. You deserve to be treated better.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 06/02/2026 19:53

What a load of shit.

ayegazumba · 06/02/2026 19:54

Yes good for you! I would have snapped years ago! You have nothing to apologise for and if he
doesnt apologise to you for how he’s been speaking to you and about you for all these years all to protect his own fragile ego you should walk.

Caniweartheseones · 06/02/2026 19:55

God your initial post reminds me of so many people (men trained in the old ways) who haven’t done much self-development. Interesting his dad seemed to feel the same way. A relief maybe. Hopefully you can discuss it eventually and DH can become more aware and respectful.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 06/02/2026 19:56

Divorce him, he doesn't respect you and never misses an opportunity to belittle you. He's now sulking because you called him out on it. If you accepted this treatment at work you'd not be earning the salary you do. You deserve better.

anon4net · 06/02/2026 19:59

Can I just say I love his Dad?

I do not have the same affinity for your husband. No matter what a person does/doesn't earn, to ridicule them for not being bright? To what, make himself feel better?! What a small mind he has.

I know someone who puts up with this shite from her husband. It all started when she earned a promotion to become a CEO and started out earning him for the first time in 15 yrs. Every social event he started putting her down or making snide comments that she can pay for the meal for everyone since she earns so much now. He looks a fool. I imagine your dh's Dad thinks your dh does too!

Flippingnora100 · 06/02/2026 20:00

I would set a boundary with him. "I want a genuine apology for what happened and in future I need you to be honest and don't diminish me if you're feeling insecure, or I will leave you."

I would also apologize to the parents and say sorry for losing your temper and reacting, but you didn't like the way he was misrepresenting the situation and belittling you and you felt the need to stand up for yourself.

OneNewEagle · 06/02/2026 20:01

Very very very well done to your FIL, that part is brilliant.

The rest is dreadful he should never be putting you done like that. Even if you were all of the negative things he said and much more and did not have a job he has no right to speak about you like that. I don’t work anymore due to my health, I used to be the breadwinner, and nowadays my OH has the career and well paid job. That would not mean he would ever speak about me like that it’s disrespectful. I would not stay married to someone like that.

Flippingnora100 · 06/02/2026 20:03

PS I think making out that you're stupid is way ruder than making out that you earn less than you do. I don't think I could be with someone like that.

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 20:08

SargeMarge · 06/02/2026 19:06

Is this a recent role then @JoanJettsBlackheads if you were still trying to get promoted in the civil service a year ago? That’s quite quick to have bought a country house and everything so he just be wanting a decent amount if you’ve both managed to do that.
Have you been massively out earning him for a long time or just the last few months, as the civil service doesn’t usually pay in the 6 figures.

Oh FFS. I so wanted this thread to be real… 😢

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:13

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 20:08

Oh FFS. I so wanted this thread to be real… 😢

Oh, plot twist 🤣 This is why it pays to check the end of the thread before posting.

BlimeyOReillyO · 06/02/2026 20:16

Jesus fucking Christ, he’s lucky to still be breathing!!

How dare he do that!

And who has voted YABU??

BlimeyOReillyO · 06/02/2026 20:17

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:13

Oh, plot twist 🤣 This is why it pays to check the end of the thread before posting.

Edited

Oh FFS I’ve just read this after posting!

Kicks self up own arse!!

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