Step children and inheritance

[WineBeforeWhine]

I have two step children who were adults when I married their dad. We then had two children. My parents left me considerably more which went into the family pot while we were married. My husband died and I was left everything. I’m now having to redo my Will. My question is should all four children be treated equally or is reasonable to leave my own children a higher percentage of my estate something like 20% for the stepchildren and 30% mine? I’m struggling to get it right.

Id treat it as if your dh was still there so 50% is yours and 50% is dhs. Dhs share is split 4 ways and yours is split 2 ways. So your 2 kids get 50% each of your share and your 2 kids and the step children get 25% each of dh share. I think it’s 37%/ 12%

@Fruitfiddler did he not have a job, pension? Was he SAHD? If someone has been SAHM do you think some of their children should be left out of the will because their mum brought no money into the family.

telewubbies you can just change your will without him knowing, he sounds financially abusive

Half the estate = yours. Split between your 2 children.
Half the estate = DHs. Split between his 4 children.

So your shared children get 25% each from you and 12.5% from DH. Stepchildren get 12.5% from DH.

But however you do it, have the conversation with them now while you can so you can explain your reasoning. It could save a future fall-out between step siblings.

Yeah your friends Mum really fucked over her step child and your friend should have made things right if she had any empathy with at least a quarter of the estate. But most of all her Dad should have ring fenced some inheritance for her. What an absolute crying shame the daughter didn't inherit from her Dad and her little sister got everything. That must have made her feel worthless.

@WineBeforeWhine He gets a state pension, armed forces pension and a private pension. He'll be more than able to live on it and tbh even if he couldn't, he's my father so of course I would help him out.

@sittingonabeach My father did work his entire life and this is incredibly different to a SAHM. He is just not grasping and doesn't expect to inherit ££££ simply based off the fact wealthy women, if you include his first wife, from wealthy backgrounds chose to fall in love with someone from his financial background. And my sister was raised the same way. We earn our money. He's always been incredibly clear that my mother's money is her own.

It's an outlook I think more people should personally have instead of grasping out of the hands of the dead like some of the people on this thread report relatives doing...

@Fruitfiddler so is he not leaving anything to his eldest daughter at all. You say everything earned has come from the mother’s side, but he did work and has a pension which I assume has been spent on family life

Why aren’t you seen as grasping if you are getting everything from a wealthy woman, why doesn’t your mum leave it to charity and you just earn your own money

I wouldn't change it from this. Unless you can unpick every contribution that went into the marital pot and say which side it came from & why you have then allocated the will in particular ways, changing it to reflect just your inheritance is going to cause headaches and resentment down the line. Particularly if as you said you had previously agreed with your husband that these were the right percentage split amongst all of the children.

Your aim here should be to not leave any room for arguments and resentment amongst your children and their step siblings as a result of the will. I don't think your new proposal does that.

Mines the same. Don’t worry. DH is terminally ill. The will leaves 100% to me to ensure my continued peace of mind. We are raising 2 small grandchildren so it ensures their home too.

When he passes my will will be rewritten to leave it all 6 ways. 4 mine, 2 his. But that’s what we chose.

@sittingonabeach You have made so many assumptions (about my sister not getting anything from my father, my father contributing to family life). It must be nice to be able to make such leaps without logic...

I'm getting everything from my mother because she's my mother? Besides, I've already made my money. We could leave it to charity and have chosen not to.

Tell me you're bitter without telling me you're bitter🙄

Gosh, your husband screwed his children over. They should have got their inheritance when he died, even if it meant you downsizing etc.

I think op would have e mentioned this if this was the case.

Yeah. I won’t be doing that. This is my home. I won’t be selling it to satisfy anyone else.

And it’s not just that. Plenty of people, quite reasonably, actively choose to leave their estate to their partner or spouse, so that children only inherit when both parents are gone.

@Fruitfiddler you said in your post the will dictates everything goes to you, sorry if I got the wrong will.

And I am not bitter.

@Rachie1973 you don’t have to sell anything if you set up something like a life interest trust

The problem with life interests/tenants in common in a second marriage is, as I understand it, money can’t be released for care if needed.

They aren’t just ‘step children’, they are the siblings of your biological children. Stop splitting hairs and just split all inheritance equally; anyone who receives any inheritance is very fortunate. This is the sort of behaviour that drives families apart.

The splitting of the money in half then his share being 4 ways and yours 2 is a good starting point, as time goes on you can tweak this if circumstances are different. This is assuming there’s substantial money. In the event of the estate being very limited due to care costs eg down to £23k, splitting 4 ways equally would make sense as you have spent the potential inheritance anyway and better not to have bad feelings.

And I say this as someone with step children and biological children.

@sittingonabeach everything does go to me because everything is in my mother's name (which is why the house goes to me when she dies). Her finances are her own and his are his own, which I already said. That, of course, would have been clear if you'd read the posts properly instead of leaping to conclusions like an olympic high-jump athlete. 🙄

I’ve been married to my second husband 20 years. There is no way he would put me in the position of being kicked out of my home having lost my husband. His children will have to wait as they would have done if their parents were still together.

I think you should think about what your late husband left to you, and that a fair amount of that, if it still exists, should go to his kids. As they didn't get anything directly from him. Unless he chose to exclude them because they'd done something terrible?

But I'd say it's reasonable to give your bio kids slightly more.

I guess it might depend on need. If some are multi property owning millionaires while others are struggling to pay the rent on an unlovable bedsit, maybe more should go to the ones with less?

Unless they are poor because of reckless spending or are in active addiction. Then the money could do more harm than good.

He could set up a life interest and you could live there for the rest of your life, if he dies before you. Problem solved.

If their dad didn’t leave them anything (that was awful of him), I would include them equally.

As my mum and stepdad’s will currently stands, it’s 60% me and 20% to each of his 2 children. I’m not even a joint child. And it’s mostly his money. I think it’s shit of them personally.