Step children and inheritance

[WineBeforeWhine]

I have two step children who were adults when I married their dad. We then had two children. My parents left me considerably more which went into the family pot while we were married. My husband died and I was left everything. I’m now having to redo my Will. My question is should all four children be treated equally or is reasonable to leave my own children a higher percentage of my estate something like 20% for the stepchildren and 30% mine? I’m struggling to get it right.

I would look at what your husband left you and then consider half of this as for his kids and split that amount for his children as a starting point. You can the decide if you want to top up that from your funds (which include 50% inheritance from him). That way you are linking their inheritance to his money rather than abitory figure.

My dad has left everything to his second wife. They don't have any kids together, but he has four of us. There is a sizeable pot of money (>£1M) but I imagine we wont see any of it. She's ten years younger than him but also can't cope well on her own so she'll be in a fancy care home if (when) he dies before her.

We wont see any of that money but it is what it is. Wont inherit anything on mum's side either as she spends every penny she gets as soon as she gets it.

Dad's always been clear he is leaving her everything so we know where we stand and it won't be a surprise, this will reduce any fallout. I suggest you do the same.

I think the best thing to do would be to give them inheritance from their DF just now if you can

I can’t do that, I’ve still got live!

I'd do an uneven but fair split as various PPs have outlined. Don't ask the solicitor to put the reasoning in the will - they're complicated documents at the best of times. Instead ask them to help you with a letter of wishes to go with it. This can explain the rationale behind the split and make it clear that you were trying to be fair. It can also make requests that your executors/the children might pass on small items to friends - for example mine asks that my DDs consider passing a particular item of jewellery to my best friend or her DD as she used it as her "something borrowed" at her wedding. These letters aren't binding but are useful both in keeping the peace and making requests.

When doing wills did you not discuss the DC @WineBeforeWhine

This seems the way forward. We were married over 40 years and during that time the money was ‘ours’ not either his or mine.

I think you have already made the right decision.
My late husband left his estate to me and his two adult children in equal shares. Thanks to a lot of hard work on my part, selling his collections, the cash value was much higher than it might otherwise have been. My stepchildren will also inherit half the value of the house when I die, but they will not inherit anything else from me as that will go to my children from a previous marriage. I am a saver whereas he was a spender ( on his collections) so my children will inherit a lot more, unless it gets used up in care costs.
After our marriage I inherited a decent sum from my parents but I gave it gradually to my children to make sure they did not lose out.
Apart from household bills we kept our finances separate.
But every family is different.

There has to be a starting point though.

I hope I won’t need to go into care later on, but who knows!

Agreed, this is unfair if you inherited all of your husband's estate.

That’s not the sister being money oriented. That’s being mad that her sister willingly went along with disinheriting her. It’s foul.

Did you and your husband not have some sort of "agreement" while he was still alive as to how this situation (ie one of you predeceasing the other) was to be handled?

It's often built into the wills of husband and wife by way of what is called a commorientes clause which explains what is to happen to their joint estate in the event that they die at the same time, or it can't be determined who died first - eg a car or plane accident.

My wife and I don't have children but we have several nieces and nephews each and our wills provide for an unequal distribution to them in the event of us dying at the same time.

My wife and i are agreed that if one of us predeceases the other, then the surviving spouse will leave their estate as per the existing commorientes clause.

Of course there is nothing preventing the surviving spouse breaking the "agreement", but if such an understanding existed then it seems to me fair and proper that the surviving spouse should honour it.

As others have said, it was also always open to your husband (and you) to protect the position of his (and your) respective children by ony leaving you a life interest - but it would appear he chose not to do it.

You are legally entitled to leave your estate however you like on your death, but if you'd agreed something with your husband prior to his death there is an argument to say you should be morally bound by it

[Edit - the reason my wife and I agreed to an unequal distribution between our respective nieces and nephews is because we each made/are making an unequal financial contribution to our marriage and we wanted our wills to reflect that. Any marriage with step-children on one side only needs to consider it too before one spouse dies and it's too late]

He left it all to me so I could stay in my home, and have enough to live on, why is that so difficult to understand? He wanted me to be financially secure. His kids both have spouses, their mother to inherit from, plus their spouses parents to inherit from, so they’re hardly suffering.

@WineBeforeWhine but there is the additional factor that the mum could do the same as their dad and totally ignore them in the will, and their stepdad could leave them nothing

I don’t understand why this wasn’t discussed at time wills were drawn up. If you were married 40 years this must surely have come up in a discussion.

DH and I, only marriage, only joint DC, but when drawing up a will the solicitor mentioned life interests just in case of second marriage after death of one spouse.

@WineBeforeWhine but he could have left it in life interest, which is very common in blended families. So you would have somewhere to live and live on, but guaranteed a share for his DC from first marriage

It shouldn't matter what the other parent does or doesn't do. In this situation, OP brought a lot more financially to the marriage than her late husband, so her will should reflect this with the four adult children.

Life interest, he could have listed op as a partial beneficiary, he could have set up a discretionary trust, and he could have gradually gifted his savings (OP says everything went to her, implying there was more than a house).

We had discussed this before he died. Had agreed on 12.5% and 37.5% but I’m thinking I’ll increase the % and wanted others opinions.

@berlinbaby2025 they were married 40 years, surely after that number of years everything becomes more blended (not just the children!). Different if they had only been married a few years and one partner had millions and one had nothing before they got married.

My mother is my father's second wife. They've been together about 35 years. He has a much older child, my half-sister from a previous marriage. She's about twenty years older than me, so I imagine a similar position to you, OP. However, my half sister's mother never remarried but was fairly wealthy in her own right.

My father has never had much money, and everything that has been earnt or inherited is from my mother's side. The will dictates everything goes to me and in the unlikely event my mother dies before my father he'll live in the house until he passes. But, essentially, I'll inherit everything from them.

And everyone is very happy with that. Partly because it was set out from day dot that this would be the case. No ones ever expected any different.

I think your children should get more, that’s what’s fair, they aren’t going to inherit elsewhere. Me and dh had a heated discussion about this a few years ago, he thinks our house should be split 4 ways even though dsd will inherit from her mum dad and grandparents. I disagree especially because it was my house we sold to use as a deposit for current house so the way I see it he should split his half 4 ways and me 3 ways, caused so much shit I have up in the end and agreed to split my half 4 ways too.

They stay in the house but will the remaining parent have enough monet to live on if you’re inheriting it?

@telewubbies if he dies first you can change your will, unless you have done life interest wills

If you have any spare cash, I would gift/pass on the inheritance directly to your children, then split rest of the money 3/8, 3/8, 1/8, 1/8 in your will.

If you need the money for the future, I would take the inheritance out before calculating as above, but separately splitting inheritance between your two.

write the reason why, or have a conversation with all of them first.

It should be an unequal split not sure about percentages. Are they guaranteed to inherit from their mum too?