No plus ones to friends wedding

[VelmaKe11y]

We live in leeds and she is getting married in Edinburgh in December. She has just told us in our friends group chat that our partners aren’t invited, and will just be ourselves.

We can all travel over there together and stay over somewhere so it’s not as if I’ll be going on my own. But I have never heard of this before. I have recently got engaged myself and it never occurred to me to invite people but not their partners?? Is this a common thing?

I think it’s becoming a common thing, when people are trying to reduce costs. I imagine it would be tricky to leave out spouses, but not partners. Or maybe it wouldn’t!

She’s told you well in advance, so you can discuss it with your partner and your friends and make a decision.

Maybe you haven’t spent much time on mn? There are people questioning their wedding invitations or lack thereof every day.

in a nutshell it’s very common and nobody is demanding your attendance.

Reduces cost. Quite common tbh.

Oops! No I haven’t seen it 🙈

I think it’s fine if guests are friends with each other, as you are, and so you’ll have fun and company that way. Numbers are a fine balance when it comes to weddings, and everyone bringing a partner really ramps them up. It’s different if you don’t know many people and having a partner there is somebody to talk to and sit next to.

I did this, it meant I could have all of my friends and not half of them & their partners.

Ah yes, I can imagine the costs of all the plus ones really adds up. I have only just recently got engaged so haven’t started looking at things yet, but it’s good to know if it’s a common thing then I won’t need to feel bad if I have to do it!

Are you close friends? Do any of you have children? There could be a few different reasons for this. I guess it’s up to you if you find it offensive or not. I think I’d probably decline as I wouldn’t like to attend a wedding away without my partner

Very standard to invite people as a friendship/workmates etc. group, and preferable to paying loads for strangers to attend.
Have you booked your wedding yet, to see how much you'll be paying per guest?

Edit-cross posted where you wrote you haven't booked yours yet.

I think it’s sad that people are having to resort to this to save money- but understandable given the current COL. 😕 I’m guessing that they have X amount to spend and it’s not enough to invite both friends and partners. At least they’re being sensible and sticking to their budget. I’d go with my friends and make the most of it.

I can understand the whole no plus ones thing, does the couple getting married actually know each plus one in your friends’ group chat? If not, they will end up having people they don’t even know at their wedding, the dynamic will take away from the intimacy of a wedding, depending on the quantity of guests they won’t know vs people they are actually close with and want to share their day with.

Most of the time it’s people who haven’t got married themselves only seeing it from the ‘I won’t have a plus one’ perspective

its too late to edit my post now but just to be clear, I do not mind this! I’m not saying it’s bad or i won’t be going. I just haven’t been to a wedding for a long time and didn’t know how most people thought about it and am curious, that’s all. It’s not something I’m mad about

It’s very circumstantial. Depends on numbers at the venue and their budget.

I recently got married and invited 5 people from work but not their partners, I hardly know their partners but all the work friends knew each other so made more sense for them to travel together and helped me keep numbers down.

It’s not common but it’s expensive to invite everyone’s plus ones.

I’ve been to one wedding when DH wasn’t invited. I wasn’t super close to the others in the friendship group at the wedding, I was close to the bride. I went, it was nice but not the best wedding I’ve been to. Would I have gone if it hadn’t been local? Maybe not.

If you’re close to the friend group and fancy a chance to see everyone without partners, then go. If you’re wondering if you can do this for your wedding, you can but some people will get unnecessarily pissed off with you. Some people won’t care. Some people will weigh up if the fun of the wedding is worth the hassle. It’s kind of the same as a destination wedding.

When it costs £100+ per plate at a wedding not inviting people you don’t know frees up more of the budget for people you actually want to be there. I wish this had been a thing 30 years ago at my wedding. I lived abroad but most of my friends lived at home so neither either of us knew most of their partners but still felt obliged to invite them - so there were probably 20-30 people there who neither knew nor cared about either of us. Go with your friends. You’ll have a much better time than if you went with your partner.

I got married many moons ago and I invited a few close work colleagues who I also socialised with .I didn’t invite partners etc and it was absolutely fine.

I was recently invited to a wedding reception and politely declined because my partner wasn't invited. I might be old school but I found it quite weird.

I think it's fantastic. You will be away with your friends without having to look after partners

We can all travel over there together and stay over somewhere so it’s not as if I’ll be going on my own. But I have never heard of this before.

We got married decades ago and didn't issue plus ones to work colleagues-they came to the evening reception all together as a group.

At least your friend is being fair and it's no plus ones for your whole group.

Unlike some of the threads on MN where arbitrary and unpleasant exclusions from wedding invites cause lots of upset and drama.

I agree with pp who say the cost must play a large part in increasing numbers of people doing this

Personally I'd much prefer to go with my friends and have fun rather than drag my partner along who'd hate it and be miserable 😄

When I married 23 years ago, we had a small wedding, about 40 to the day time (most of who were family), and there was group of good friends where I only invited the girls to the day, and then they could have their husbands come for the evening, it was a numbers/cost thing, and I explained it to them ahead of the invites being sent, they were all fine with it, and in fact they hired a limo for the day event to make a proper girls day of it. Might be a nice thing to do something similar with your friends who are also going unaccompanied.

Yeah it's common, inviting people to a wedding is extremely expensive so it makes sense not to have half of your guest list be people you barely know.

I would take it as a sign they're having to/choosing to be really selective about who they invite, and be pleased I made the cut!

Plus you'll probably have even more fun having to get to know other people and chat than relying on a partner for socialising.

It’s common for groups of people you know who all know each other (work pals, uni mates etc), who you may not see too often or don’t know their partners well and it mean you havent go to use up double the amount of space by inviting their partners too and you know they they wont be alone because they’ll be with their group of people (the work pals, uni mates etc)

Dd and her DH did this with some partners, they were welcome in the evening though. The wedding wasn"t particularly elaborate they just wanted people they knew during the day.