No plus ones to friends wedding

[VelmaKe11y]

We live in leeds and she is getting married in Edinburgh in December. She has just told us in our friends group chat that our partners aren’t invited, and will just be ourselves.

We can all travel over there together and stay over somewhere so it’s not as if I’ll be going on my own. But I have never heard of this before. I have recently got engaged myself and it never occurred to me to invite people but not their partners?? Is this a common thing?

I find this absolutely bizarre that you wouldn’t attend a friends wedding because they didn’t invite your husband if your husband isn’t a friend of the bride or groom. Surely the important thing is being there yourself to celebrate your friend’s day? Especially when you will be in the company of a group of other friends?

Yeah this. ^ If it's a workmate and there are 10 other workmates coming, and they are ALL invited without their partner, then that's fine. If it's someone who doesn't know anyone else, or doesn't know people very well, then it's a really shit thing to do - only inviting them alone, and not a plus-one (IMO.)

Inviting someone, and not their spouse, when said person only knows the bride and no-one else, is terrible. This person must have been so lost and felt so awkward. I can honestly say that if someone invited only me (and not my husband of around 30 years,) I definitely wouldn't go.

If it's a married couple - or engaged - then I think it's weird, and bad form to not invite the partner. JMO of course. If you can't afford to invite someone AND their life partner, then don't invite the one and not the other.

It's all subective, and there is no right or wrong, but I think inviting someone and not inviting their fiance or spouse is odd. I'm entitled to think that, and I'm not wrong. Just as people are entitled to think it's not odd, and they are not wrong. An opinion cannot be wrong. And you don't have to be 'joined at the hip' to prefer to go to big family events like weddings with your bloody partner! Daft comment that is!

Long running thread going at the moment about something similar here...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5485488-wedding-invite-to-husband-only?page=1

Unless your partner know the couple as well I don't understand why you find this weird. Why should they have pay for someone at their wedding they don't know, just because they are your partner?

I can't believe someone is actually asking this. ^

We only invited plus ones if the guest wasn't going to know anyone else there - my uni friendship group have never had partners at any of the weddings. There's 14 of us - imagine how expensive that would be.

Why?

Definitely not common here in Ireland. Eyebrows would be raised. 😂

Are you and your partner good friends with bride/groom, or is it just you?
If you are, for example, friends with bride through a work group or high school then I wouldnt expect partners to be invited.
If every friend bought a partner the numbers wouldnt be manageable.

I think it's common but I do think it's rude - inviting people to spend money and travel to celebrate your love, but excluding their own relationship.

People often think it's acceptable when it's a group of friends attending together, but it's still rubbish and more often than not you need to use at least one day of annual leave to attend, and they would be pissed off if you didn't show.

For the introverted +1s, weddings are not much fun anyway. I hated going to DHs friend's weddings if I didn't know the wags.

If the couple know your partner well, it's weird. But if these are old friends and they don't really know your partner, it's not that weird. But definitely a newer phenomenon. When we got married we only invited couples who had been together 1 year + and afaik, little caveats like that have been a thing for decades (at least since weddings became more than a buffet in the church hall after the ceremony).

depends on how well your friend knows your partner but we didn’t have plus 1s for people If I’d only met their partner briefly/once or twice as they cost so much money!

It’s a way of cutting costs and only inviting those they want at their wedding.

Does she know your partner? I personally didn’t invite new partners or ones I had never met 🤷🏼‍♀️

You will be planning a wedding soon and you will soon realise how expensive it is. Means you can make it a day with your friends.

My husband was invited to a school friends wedding, no plus one, 100 miles away. I went with him and stayed in the hotel and spent all day in the spa, I was so glad I was only invited to the evening do 😊.

It is their day and if it is YOU they are friends with, then to cut costs not having the plus ones is a way to do it (as is no kids )

A fiancée, spouse, or long-term life partner isn’t a plus one. This recent trend of treating them like boyfriends/girlfriends or even random dates made just for the evening needs to end quickly.

It is perfectly reasonable not to include “and guest” on a wedding invitation. Excluding a known person is quite different.

see, I find people in relationships like this, who don't seem to be able to enjoy themselves without their partners present, quite suffocating and co-dependent. DP not being there doesn't make an event 'rubbish' for me. It sounds really depressing if you can't enjoy one event with your own friends.

Personally I can't think of anything more boring than being dragged along as his plus one to his work's christmas party or his friend's wedding, with a load of people I don't know.

It's obviously different if you know them well and his friends become your friends and vice versa. But if they don't then only inviting the person they actually know saves everyone money.

Fine for them to invite only who they want to, equally fine for OP to say no to the invite, for whatever reason.

This is something I'm familiar with when it's work colleagues. Several times I've been invited to weddings alone. I go if it's a day thing but not if it's weekend and hotel - too much faff and expense.

I very much can and do enjoy myself with just friends, however more often than not these days a wedding involves at least one overnight stay and travel, all of which is usually more affordable and more enjoyable with a partner.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone should get an anonymous 'plus one' to bring with them, but when people are inviting friends to travel and stay and, let's face it, almost always spend a lot of money for their wedding, but excluding the partner they have been living with for 5 years (or whatever), I really do think it's pretty rude.

It happens sometimes and I suspect will become increasingly common given the astronomical cost of even the most basic wedding. I think a lot of people are waking up to the fact that it’s often a colossal waste of money.

I loved my wedding but if I had my time again it would be register office, Tuesday afternoon, two random witnesses, and save ourselves £25k.

I don't get the cutting cost bit? Surely if two of you are going you will double your cash gift which will comfortably cover the cost of your dinners etc?

My partner has loads of friends. Many are getting (re) married. Many are no partner weddings.

I love it.

But often people don't cover the cost of their dinners - £100 between a couple is half of what would be needed at most venues

I'm getting married in June and we've set a few criteria for who gets a plus one: 1) If we know their partner pretty well, at which point they're not really a true plus one, 2) If they're travelling, especially if they don't really know anyone, and 3) There are two older people we wanted there and didn't know their spouses very well, but generationally, they'd probably expect a plus one. None of the work colleagues invited have plus ones, no friends locally have one, unless we know their partners well.

I understand why people would have stricter criteria, but I was invited to a uni friend's wedding a few years ago and didn't go because I didn't get a plus one - it was the other end of the country and there was a high chance I wouldn't know anyone. Our caterers were really reasonable, so we could afford to give a big chunk of people plus ones.

People will get very upset about this kind of thing but I think it’s fine. I don’t expect my husband to be invited to the weddings of my friend group if they don’t really have contact.