No plus ones to friends wedding

[VelmaKe11y]

We live in leeds and she is getting married in Edinburgh in December. She has just told us in our friends group chat that our partners aren’t invited, and will just be ourselves.

We can all travel over there together and stay over somewhere so it’s not as if I’ll be going on my own. But I have never heard of this before. I have recently got engaged myself and it never occurred to me to invite people but not their partners?? Is this a common thing?

My friendship group got married 20 years ago and this happened at several of the weddings. As a guest, I liked it as it meant that I didn’t have to make polite conversation with someone’s other half when I really wanted to be having a good natter with my friends. As we had DC and time together got more precious, even with weddings which +1s and DC were invited I’d often just go by myself having checked that others were doing the same.

We did this, the group all knew each other it was fine they all came.

I had all our workmates to the evening reception…mind you, that was over 30 years ago.

When we got married 2 years ago, we only invited partners/spouses if they were also friends of ours (so only couple friends, rather than partners just for the sake of it). Everyone knew other people there anyway, and if was a smallish wedding (70 guests) so we didn't feel like anyone would be left out at all. We would have absolutely let someone bring their partner if they didn't know anyone else there, but that wasn't the case. We even invited a friend (without her husband) despite both of us (my husband I) having gone to their wedding a couple of months before. I think you have to do what's right for you. We didn't want invite people out of obligation so we were quite strict and no one complained.

I wouldn’t invite plus ones to my wedding, if I don’t know them. I’d rather have my actual friends.

This, you’re looking at what £125 at least a head these days?

It depends. A group of friends who can travel together, fine. But I know someone who was invited to a wedding without their husband, and they knew nobody except the bride. I think in that case it’s rude and thoughtless. They did go and were seated with three couples who knew each other already. Needless to say, they left after the dinner was over and didn’t stay for the rest of the day.

I think it is fairly common now because people have to try and keep a lid on the costs, which are usually considerable as others have pointed out.

I don't think it would bother me, to be honest.

I spoke to my main friendship group and said it’s £230 per head and you all have a husband and 3 kids each….so do you all want to come to the night do (£20 per head) or just my actual friends come to the whole thing. Every single one of them said they wanted to come and make it a girls day and had no expectation of a plus one. I’m not tight at all but I couldn’t justify £1000 per family!

Sounds like a fun and easy wedding to me, with a group of mates. What's not to like?

I don't think this is a recent thing, I went to a wedding of my uni friend 30 years ago and all the uni lot were invited as a bunch with no plus ones. Maybe it's becoming more common though, due to increased COL etc.

I think this is becoming more common. I've been invited to (all day) weddings of colleagues and both times a group from work was invited with no partners. We all hired an Air B&B for the night however a couple of people declined the invite both times since their partners weren't invited. It actually made it easier for me as I've 4 kids and childcare can be an issue for overnight stays.

A fiancé isn’t a plus-one. They’re a named partner, socially and practically. In most social circles, once someone is engaged, they’re treated as a unit. Invitations should reflect that.

We did exactly this for our wedding, 14 years ago. We were paying for almost everything ourselves and only invited partners if we knew them well and had made an effort to get to know us. No-one got stroppy or didn't come because of it (that we know of 😉) and although I do feel guilty about it now, we didn't have the space or the budget for everyone to have a plus-one!

One of my friends did this and it was great - we shared rooms with our best girl mates from school, had waaaaaay more fun than if all the loser husbands were there and if it meant more friends came than their boring partners who don't know the bride as well and haven't met the bride and groom more than a couple of times then great!!!

Treat it as a weekend away with your girlfriends. Get dolled up. Have a ball. It'll be an absolute hoot.

If the ‘singles’ group all know each other and if it’s the same for everyone in that group (ie, not some partners invited and others not) then it’s ok. Leaving out one or two partners is shitty, as is leaving someone alone. There were people I had never met at my wedding - my guests’ comfort was important to me.

It is becoming more common. To be honest, whilst I can understand adult-only weddings. I cannot understand no plus-ones. It seems to be completely against the ethos of a wedding, which is love and partnership!!!

I think it’s really normal especially where the venue is small or a big family. My best friend did this, it’s a bit of a shame not to be able to share with your partner but totally understand why it’s done. I had a great time catching up with other friends. Sometimes inviting partners they barely know means they can’t invite other close friends.

I’d be having more fun at the wedding with friends rather than trying to ensure the plus 1 is ok!

Agree with this, its fine to invite a group of people who know each other without plus ones, but not individual people who don't know any of the other guests.

I think with more people moving away for uni and work, people often don't know their friends' partners as well as they used to. I wouldn't expect an invite to a wedding where I'd never met the bride or groom, similarly I wouldn't be surprised or annoyed if DH wasn't invited to one along with me if he didn't actually know the happy couple.

Agree with @Mumstheword1983 that once you have DC it makes childcare a lot easier!

Think about it. You’re a friendship group. You will have a great time together at the wedding, can pool travel and accommodation arrangements. You don’t need to bring your partners. Inviting a partner/spouse is much more likely if they are also a good friend of the bride and/or groom or if you’re not going to know anyone else at the wedding. Adding needless plus ones just pads out the guest list with people the bride and groom couldn’t pick out of a police lineup.

Common for friendship groups or work colleagues. If they are limited to say 120 people, then the plus ones of friends is ten other friends that can’t be invited.

I don’t see an issue at all with this and I’m pleased you are being very level headed about it, some people find it very insulting that their DH (who vaguely knows the couple because they met at a bbq once last year) isn’t invited.

Some of us aren’t joined to our partners at the hip!

The first no plus one wedding I went to was a colleagues about 35 years ago. I travelled with another colleague and we shared a room. It absolutely does not bother me at all. At weddings you want people you love or at least like. Not Mr ViciousCurrentBun who my colleague marrying hadn’t even met.

I have gone to 2 weddings overseas without DH as well, I don’t feel it’s any sort of insult.

When I got married 13 years ago, some peoples plus ones were there some weren’t. Mainly are we friends with you or you as a couple. If as a couple both were invited, if not then just the person and their partner could come the evening reception. Having said this mine was down to numbers both my and my husband come large families and we had to cut numbers somewhere. Even my brothers girlfriends who we had only met a couple of times - they’d been together 5 months and 3 months at the time only came the night.