To feel the loss. Twinless twin

[Chickencuddle]

I was born an identical twin. My twin passed away a day after we were born. Im not sure if its because I dont really have many people in my life and no family really. But I always felt there was a nice of me missing and I wish she could have been hwre. When things are hard I think if her. I feel a bit guilty too that im the one who lived.
Am I totally crazy?
Is anyone else a twinless twin.

Im so sorry for your loss. ❤️ I would have always been more interested in twins too and still am. But couldn't put into words.
I have a friend who is a twin and listening to her and her bond with her twin I find both fascinating and sad

What a fantastic sister you are OP.
I am so sorry for your loss.

OP I don't think you're crazy but I'm interested in this as we lost our first baby (not a twin) but our second DC, born a couple of years after, often talks about the other DC. I'm sure this is because we talk about them they are aware they had a sibling but they express sadness in a way that makes me wonder if they can miss a sibling they never met.

I accept that's different to your situation where you were in the womb and born with your twin and it doesn't surprise me that you may feel their absence.

OP has listened to you. Your posts are very long and focussed on your own trauma for someone calling others attention seeking.

Not a twinless twin, but I was the child born after the loss of a baby at birth. I had a realisation recently that somewhere in my childhood I had come to the conclusion that if my brother had lived I would not have been born (probably technically true tbh), and that basically that feeling - that someone else died for me to live - has contributed to my excessive people-pleasing. I had to be excellent at school etc to "make up" for my brother's death. As an adult now I know of course this is illogical and nothing could ever make up for it, but that realisation really helped me see the emotional patterns I'd fallen into.

I think we all have things in our backgrounds that can contribute to our personalities and emotional quirks both helpful and unhelpful, but I do think that there's a lot of baggage to being "the one who lived" in the case of child loss .

You’re tiresome. You are incredibly tedious and emotionally stunted. The dullest person imaginable. Yawn.

You’re projecting here. Framing your own trauma as more valid because of how you think another generation “would have” reacted. That’s not a fact.

It sounds like you’re minimizing the OP’s experience without knowing her full story, while centering your own. Her point isn’t a lack of empathy for her mother’s loss, it’s about how she’s been treated personally.

My Dad was an identical twin and he lost his twin brother in the war as a young man. Dad talked about his brother and missed him until the day he died. They had plans to open a post office together after the war and had other shared hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled. Twins share a unique bond that is irreplaceable.

Posting for solidarity with a very similar story. Also a twinless twin, my sister died at birth due to birth complications. My family chose not to tell me and I found out via a random child at school.
My mum went through a very hard time of family illness and bereavements when I was a young child but she always had her own twin sister to turn to and she talks about being a twin a lot.
I often think how can you miss something you never had but I do have a gap in my life that I think should have us been us growing up together x
sorry that ended up as a bit of a ramble but no you aren’t crazy

feelingsarentfacts

There is no 'perhaps' about a twins bond.

Are you jealous? Is it touching a nerve? Maybe start your own thread?

I am. We were born at 28 weeks. She was born first and didn’t live. My mum didn’t know she was expecting twins and while they were dealing with my sister I appeared. They didn’t have incubators in the late 60’s so I was in a cot lying on sheepskin with lightbulbs around it. I was given a spoonful of raw egg a day to build me up. I was told my sister died because I kicked her out of the womb! I feel very guilty about that, I miss my sister and always imagine what life would be like with her here. I am also obsessed with twins and multiple births.

I think you’re letting your feelings get in the way of the facts here—ironically.

Where exactly have I minimized your experiences? Feel free to point that out.

You quoted your stepdaughter’s comment because you believed it had merit, right?

It also comes across like you’re frustrated that the OP is receiving sympathy for what you see as a “lesser” trauma than your own, which led you to call her an attention seeker. That’s not fair or constructive.

Pure deflection love. You’ve been called out for your behaviour by several people on this thread and rather than acknowledge it, you are slinging mud and it’s not going to stick.

We all have personal biases and I don’t think I’m letting them cloud my judgement of you, rather I’d happily call out bullying in the guise of “being brutally honest” any day of the week.

So yeah, go be proud of your “well thought out” argument and leave the OP alone hey?

Im very sorry you had such trauma growing up. Explains why you feel so angry. I hope you find peace and of course youre very entitled to your own opinion and I take your points on board.

Chickencuddle.... I just wanted to say that you sound like such a lovely kind person. And clearly well suited to your role in the school too, I bet you make a difference to those troubled kids.

Good luck with your therapy. It is likely to be a long journey. One of the things I will say is, it may help to write your Mother a letter with everything you wish to say... Then do what you wish with it: keep it, bury it, burn it... It can be really healing.

Also be sure to comfort young Chickencuddle who lives inside you and learn to love her like she deserves to be loved. You sound like a really lovely person and I'm sure your twin is by your side energetically xx