To feel the loss. Twinless twin

[Chickencuddle]

I was born an identical twin. My twin passed away a day after we were born. Im not sure if its because I dont really have many people in my life and no family really. But I always felt there was a nice of me missing and I wish she could have been hwre. When things are hard I think if her. I feel a bit guilty too that im the one who lived.
Am I totally crazy?
Is anyone else a twinless twin.

@Ella31 I'm so very sorry for your unimaginable loss.

Sorry for your loss, OP. You are definitely not unreasonable.

I didn't lose a twin, but twin siblings and another sibling in mum's late pregnancy/as infants and the loss has stayed with me all my life. I started to feel a bit more in acceptance of it and then I lost several babies of my own which I have no doubt was made worse by the earlier grief. It felt combined. I rarely talk about it because not that many people around me IRL understand the impact.

Sending you love.

@Ella31 I'm so very sorry to hear of your terrible loss. Heartbreaking.

DM was an identical twin. Her twin died shortly after they were born. DM was baptised when she was just a few hours old because they didn't think she would survive. It was pretty miraculous that she did as she weighed less than 2lbs over 80 years ago.

DM never spoke about the emotions of not having her twin but often spoke about the fact she was a twin. I think DM would have loved to have had her twin by her side throughout her life.

I'm a twinless twin but mine happened in adulthood. I also have my own twins but my heart still aches for my sister

Loss is loss, is loss. Have you had a chance to process it OP?

Definitely not crazy. It's a tragedy that your twin died, and your life has been a different life from how it would have been had she lived. It's a big loss. I think it's lovely that you think of her.

Maybe she's watching over you!

I'm really sorry and it's not crazy my Uncle(on my mum's side)was a twin but my nan lost his twin when she was quite away along with the pregnancy and my mum(his little sister)often thought that he carried quite a bit of sadness with him,it was kind of acknowledged within the family bless him and no one thought it was weird we all felt sad for him and my Grandparents.

I can imagine how this feels but she is by your side in spirit

I'm a twin. My parents nor gp were aware. It was a home birth
Fifteen minutes after me my twin was born. I think she has resented me all of her life.
Twin borns are deep.
Our DM miscarried twin boys 10 years later.
I often wonder about them.

It's perfectly natural that you feel like this, OP. And I'm sure your feelings are compounded by your mother failing to acknowledge your loss.
💐

Yes ,I am
So mum was pregnant and my dad beat her up and she lost my twin ..but kept me .
It does make me feel like something is missing my whole life .

You are not crazy. When I look at the bond twins have, even as newborns, I can see how such a loss would be extremely painful. Did you know that twins interact with each other, even in the womb? They hear each others’ heartbeat and touch each other through the fluid.
Apart from that, the shock and grief of your mother upon the passing of one of her babies will have caused a shock to your very little and vulnerable nervous system. She may have had very confusing and distressing feelings at that time which have not let her concentrate on bonding with you.

My brother, now in his 70s, said the same about his identical twin who died at 4 months old.

You aren't alone.

I’m a twin less twin. I wasn’t told about it until I was old enough to understand, but my mum said that even from a very young age, I used to put everything in pairs- toys etc.

Ive always felt like something is missing in my life.

What an awful thing for you to say @feelingsarentfacts

Don’t be a shit.

Nasty. Have a word with yourself.

Are you known for being this much of a twat?

OP I am a twinless twin. My twin was born with a health condition, she survived an operation but then sadly caught an infection during recovery. At least that is my understanding it is very difficult to draw my parents into a discussion on any topic. I just got told it’s not my business but of course it 100% is.

It has profoundly affected my life but I have come to realise not so much from my own grief (and the complexities around whether I’m “allowed” to grieve) but from the ramifications of having parents living through trauma and being the type that don’t believe in “mental health”. They definitely took their grief out on me, and I for a long time I believed that I was responsible for her death. Nothing I do is ever good enough (in my eyes). I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety alone since I was a young child (only getting help this year in my 40s). I felt it was my responsibility to be a happy, healthy child for my parents (and this effort has never ever been appreciated or understood, just criticised).

Today I know that it is not my fault, I “do the work”, but I am hard wired to believe I am not good enough and that is hard to overcome.

I often feel alone in the world, but I can’t tell you I wouldn’t feel the same if she had lived.

You feel how you feel OP. This happened to you too, you have been robbed of something. But you also need to come to a point of acceptance and live a full life for yourself and your own enjoyment of life. Don’t forget your responsibility to yourself.

Its only as an adult i appreciate how traumatic and devastating it must have been for my mum. I had a hard relationship with her and often wonder if she didnt love me because of my twins death. As an adult I wonder about failure to bond etc.
I dont know if im attention seeking? I hope not. But I feel like I dont really know myself and I always have more to learn and grow.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must for you @Ballycastle

I felt exactly thr same growing up with similar reactions from especially my mum. My father was more physical. My mum seemed like she hated me. Like you said nothing I did was good enough I could never win her love. She often used the word disgusting for me. She wouldnt hug me. If I tried to hug her she would often either endure it or push me away. She was highly critical and favoured and doted on my brother. They had an amazing bond. Going off topic now.
But everything you said felt familiar to me. Im so sorry that was your experience too.

Im so very sorry for your loss. 💐