AIBU to not understand how "school refusers" are a thing?

[Idontunderstandmodernlife]

There seems to be a lot of parents that have children that they simply can't get to go to school no matter what they do - these children are often called "school refusers". Parents say they have done absolutely everything to get their child into school but nothing works.

I hate to be that "in my day" person but I simply don't get where these "school refusers" have come from because they simply didn't exist a decade or 15 years ago. Kids just went to school. I never knew of a child that simply didn't turn up most of the time when I was in school? now there seems to be one in every class

What has changed that parents are now finding it impossible to get their child to school? Have schools got that much worse? are parents more lenient? are children more forceful? has children's mental health declined? what is it?

You are clueless aren't you ?

That can all happen … AND they can go to school. 2027 thinking maybe!!

A lot of school enviroment is abusive to children. Can schools be fined?

Because some people are still jumping on this bandwagon 6 years later 🙄

?

Probably because so many parents are jumping on this bandwagon the money has run out … where do you think it’s all going to come from?!?

How do you know I don’t have first hand experience… many people have the ability to cope with these things.

Really?? 🤣 Good luck in the real world … school is the easy bit.

"I hate to be that "in my day" person but I simply don't get where these "school refusers" have come from because they simply didn't exist a decade or 15 years ago."

My sister is in her 40s and she was one. She went to registration in the morning and then disappeared off for the day.

As it happens he does now with time patience and support he has managed now at high school to (for the most part do so)

but at the time his future job prospects were what I was worried about I just wanted him to have a future

I think the point was it was a lot less common rather than it didn’t exist at all. I have younger cousins and 2 of them are ‘school refusers’.

I don't think you get the physical reaction these kids are having, crying, vomiting, complete meltdown.
This is much more than a 'I can't be arsed today' kind of thing.

YABU they did exist although it's definitely got worse recently.

However schools and teachers had more flexibility to create environments that would suit children who struggled in the classroom

Parents are much more attuned today to their DCs mental health than they were 30 years ago, some parent back in the day would have given you a clip round the ear and shut you out the house no matter what and children didn't feel able to voice their feelings

I personally think there are more ND children now too. So that would increase numbers.

Count yourself lucky to not have had encountered the absolute soul crushing experience of having a child with does everything they can to avoid school.

I think thats a huge part of the change. So the problem is in the open rather than it being hidden away

"I think the point was it was a lot less common rather than it didn’t exist at all. I have younger cousins and 2 of them are ‘school refusers’."

Lots of teenagers disappeared off site at least for part of the day. It was easy to do.

How do you suggest you physically get a 15 stone 6ft teenager to school if they refuse?

Hilarious considering I was a truanter in the 80s who would now have EBSA and I supported two daughters in 2003 and 2011 with EBSA. Just because we were labelled truants in the 80s doesn't mean we didn't have EBSA.. and it's better to support children at home than let them wander the streets.

As a former “school refuser” I do get it. I’m almost 40 so the term wasn’t a thing back then but from about 14 I just would not go. I was very bright, not bullied, no ND issues but no matter what anyone tried I just would not go and on the occasions I did I would climb over the fence after morning registration and leave. Often to go and sit in the public library to do school work because none of my friends were around (because they were obvs in school). My mum tried everything she could, the school did, social services got involved but they ran out of ideas too.

I couldn’t tell you why then and I can’t really tell you now. I just hated the environment. Even after growing up a bit and trying college/uni it was the same. The only thing I can put it down to somewhat is a confidence issue.

i did have a very difficult home life but you’d think school would be a sanctuary from that…but no. I did play up in other ways a bit with risky behaviour and drugs/drink etc when young but I was well behaved on the occasions I did go to school and never got into trouble with the police.

all in all, can’t tell you why, but it is a real thing. Didn’t translate into work life, barely missed a day of work in life 🤷‍♀️

But school is not mandatory.

Education is mandatory it doesn't have to take place in school.

That's not to mention your lack of understanding of the challenge of dealing with a child who can't attend school.

Years ago I posted a thread on here about the damage of the term 'school refusal' when my experience was not that my child was refusing to go to school at all. He couldn't go because it was harming him. There has been a move now to call it emotional based school avoidance which is better than school refusal which is a misnomer.

I don't think there are more ND, I just think more who are ND cannot cope. Particularly those who would have flew under the radar or coped just.

Maybe more regulated themselves by bunking of certain classes. And teachers weren't under the same pressure so they just didn't care.

Schools have become more regimented and I really don't think that helps but there must be other stuff going on too.

Do we need to scrap the league tables, get back to the 'do your best' mentality.

Longer breaks?

What are other countries doing to reduce the number of kids who can't cope with school

I think my sister had a difficult adolescence. As an adult she did a degree and now has a professional role but she couldn't cope with being in school in her teens.

I’m 29 was a school refuers from age 12. I was late diagnosed autistic and bullied. I had an educational welfare officer involved when my attendance dropped to a certain point. I also wasn’t the only child it was more common than you think

Yes some BTECs (the National Extended Diploma) are 3 a level equivalent. These are excellent for some children, like my daughter because they are continually assessed and don't rely as heavily on memory/exams.

They are not an easy option though, my daughter works harder at them than my son did at A Level and he got 3 As.