Need help asserting myself with my resignation from a committee I'm on

[FlyBy2026]

I need some help with an unemotional resignation email.

I've been on a committee for something (not work) and it has got to the point where I would describe why role as being thrown under a bus, unsupported and it has caused me a lot of stress and time and energy, unpaid and unthanked.

The person who runs the organisation has been quite rude to me, and I thought it was just me being sensitive, but other people have picked up on it now. I think this person holds a management position in their day job and basically talks to me like I am one of their staff, who has not met a deadline or got caught chatting whilst working.

Anyway I have had enough. There is a project I have been working on for 4 months and it will be done and dusted this weekend. Before I am given any more things to do I want to resign my position.

This is what I would like to say to the leader:

"I am absolutely furious. You have been very rude and disrespectful to me, and you can find some other mug to do this. I don't need this stress in my life and I have volunteered hours and hours of my time to organise things. What's more I don't want to be a member of this organisation anymore either. Bye!"

My passive DH thinks I should just say I am busy and cannot do this any more and can't find the time to come along either. I think this is defeatist.

There is not really an AIBU here, maybe AIBU to send my version, which I am of course. I would like to give them the feedback that I don't think I've been supported, and they have been disrespectful and that I am leaving, but I need a few pointers on how to word that assertively and not like a hot head.

Don't send your version, it sounds petulant.

Don't lie like you DH is saying.

Be professional:
"Dear Person,
Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of [insert position]. As per the terms of my appointment, my final day as [insert position] will be [insert date]"

If they ask, give them both barrels. But rise above it in your formal communications.

Sounds like a bloody nightmare, OP. Sorry its happening to you.

Very lazy of me but here’s ChatGPT’s rephrasing…

“I am writing to let you know that I am stepping down from my role on the committee with immediate effect.

Over recent interactions, I have found the tone and manner in which I have been spoken to discourteous and disrespectful. Given the significant amount of voluntary time and effort I have contributed, this has been both disappointing and stressful.

After careful consideration, I do not feel able to continue in this role, nor do I wish to remain a member of the organisation going forward.

Please consider this my formal notice of resignation. I wish the committee well for the future.”

That said it’s still a bit sharp! Is this something you need to not burn bridges on (eg school PTA)? If not I’d be tempted by a slightly softer version of the above. If you still need to see these people after I’d probably soften it a lot!

i agree with Limth. But if you do then give both barrels, my advice would
be not to copy
anyone in.

I'm with your DH here. I have seen it before that an email like yours - although accurate- is used as something to blacken your name after you leave.
Often other committee members will not back you because they don't want the ire directed at them/jobs thrown at them etc.
I would write a short resignation letter. You could refer to the stress of the position as a reason for leaving, but do not refer to individuals.
Just get out. Sorry you went through this.

Chat gpt is surprisingly good for wording tricky emails. I’d pop it in there and see what it comes back with

Your DH is right. Send a resignation email stating that you are resigning with immediate effect now that the project is completed. Ignore all further communications from anyone on the committee.

Refer to the ‘unnecessary stress’, maybe?. People can read between the lines

Your email may make you feel better for a while, but it won’t have any impact on the person you’re sending it to, other than to laugh at it.

I’d just say that, now the project is finished, you’re going to step down from the organisation, because you don’t feel that you can contribute further and your time is too valuable to offer, when you don’t feel it’s appreciated.

After some recent reflection, I feel my time on this committee and with this organisation has come to a natural conclusion. My future goals and my expectation of a working culture are no longer aligned with what I have experienced more recently and so it would be best for me to step down. I am proud of the time and energy I have invested here, and everything we have achieved together despite facing challenges. I wish the organisation all the best in its future direction.

Never burn your bridges. Never put in writing anything that can be misconstrued and later used to paint you as unhinged (which, I am afraid, your suggested email could).

As your DH and PPs have said, just write a bald, unemotional email to advise of your standing down from the role.

I'd be inclined to go down a route somewhere in the middle - a kind of 'read between the lines' explanation.

Maybe say that the atmosphere has changed and it no longer brings you joy or satisfaction being there. You've not felt like your contribution has been appreciated for some time, so you're going to stand aside for fresh blood in the role and leave for pastures new and find another voluntary position instead where you feel your time and efforts will be valued.

‘I have decided to resign from my post as x with immediate effect having found the role increasingly difficult and unrewarding despite my extensive efforts to support the organisation. I wish you luck in the future and hope you are able to find someone who is willing to take the role forward. Fuckitybye.’

or similar.

Dont send your version, it reads as immature and reactive. Either keep it utterly factual like Limth's suggestion, or a more articulate explanation along the lines of Cheepcheepcheep's if you want them to know why and have no need or plans to remain on friendly terms with the committee going forward.

I would like to give them the feedback that I don't think I've been supported, and they have been disrespectful and that I am leaving, but I need a few pointers on how to word that assertively and not like a hot head.

Don't bother, OP. You can't change people. And you may come across them in your future life.

Point taken.

It made me feel better bashing it out on here.

It is not the PTA but it is something very similar. The personalities, the politics, the can't do right for doing wrong, people complain about what you've organised so you do something different, then they complain about that. Getting the blame for anything that doesn't go 100% right. Grief if you do something, grief if you don't and a leader who has an ego the size of a small planet and a micromanager.

It its harder to quit a voluntary role on a committee than a job.

Yes, I will see them around but I don't really care.

It's never a good idea to burn bridges unless absolutely necessary. Actions speak louder than words - you're leaving. If you don't give waffly reasons and just send the simple resignation, that will have an effect.

I actually think less is more in instances like this.

I would say that having given your position careful consideration you are resigning effective xyz and not elaborate any further.

If any questions raise from the person concerned I'd simply say that they seem unaware about the kind of environment they've created for volunteers at the organisation, but it doesn't sit well with you and you don't want to spend any more time there. Let them either stew or reflect on that, it won't be your concern.

Absolutely! It's like one of those letters we are advised to write, to get it all out, but to never send to someone.

I agree with those saying to keep it short, cool and minimal - never put a weapon into your enemies' hands - they WILL twist it and use it against you! Just grey rock 'em.

But you can take some satisfaction in how they will flail and fall apart without you... Miss Management there will realise that she is not, in fact, the boss of you... 😏

May I just say how lovely it is to see someone standing up for themselves and not taking it any more! Your strength and dignity become you! 😄

I’d give the most basic resignation. It’s what you do after thats more important, don’t engage with them further and no more help.

Well, it is my lack of assertiveness that has got me to this point.

My DH has a new name for me which is "Pickles" because I keep getting myself into them as I am a people pleaser and can't say no.

I think it’s a bigger fuck you to give zero detail, zero padding. Just say I hereby resign from X Committee, effective immediately’. If anyone contacts you, just say as of x date, you are no longer a member of the committee.

Don't mention stress as they will likely see your resignation as being down to a) unable to cope or b) mental health issues. Keep it brief, factual and measured.

I agree with others - the cold, no info, formal response is way better.

This is brilliant advice. Only speak your mind if they challenge you or tell you they don’t accept your resignation.