Need help asserting myself with my resignation from a committee I'm on

[FlyBy2026]

I need some help with an unemotional resignation email.

I've been on a committee for something (not work) and it has got to the point where I would describe why role as being thrown under a bus, unsupported and it has caused me a lot of stress and time and energy, unpaid and unthanked.

The person who runs the organisation has been quite rude to me, and I thought it was just me being sensitive, but other people have picked up on it now. I think this person holds a management position in their day job and basically talks to me like I am one of their staff, who has not met a deadline or got caught chatting whilst working.

Anyway I have had enough. There is a project I have been working on for 4 months and it will be done and dusted this weekend. Before I am given any more things to do I want to resign my position.

This is what I would like to say to the leader:

"I am absolutely furious. You have been very rude and disrespectful to me, and you can find some other mug to do this. I don't need this stress in my life and I have volunteered hours and hours of my time to organise things. What's more I don't want to be a member of this organisation anymore either. Bye!"

My passive DH thinks I should just say I am busy and cannot do this any more and can't find the time to come along either. I think this is defeatist.

There is not really an AIBU here, maybe AIBU to send my version, which I am of course. I would like to give them the feedback that I don't think I've been supported, and they have been disrespectful and that I am leaving, but I need a few pointers on how to word that assertively and not like a hot head.

I agree, OP, that it is in your own best interests not to mention these twats.

After you resign, if someone wants to follow up with you informally some barbed but lighthearted jokes might be in order. The tone should be that, as twats, these committee members aren’t worth your headspace. But tread carefully and I don’t think you should take the initiative.

Best wishes

If others noticed they weren't there, then everyone will know why you stepped down. You don't need to say anything other than that you're resigning, effective immediately.

If they follow up and say you need to provide a handover or whatever, just remind them calmly that you are no longer a member of the committee and will not be carrying out any further duties.

As others have said, reflect on how you can avoid this happening in the future!

Get your husband to help you write a simple one sentence email resigning and press send. Do it in the next hour if you can. Then go to the supermarket and buy some nice food and drink for the weekend. That’s all you have to do. It has a really simple solution and I can’t see why you’re so determined to make it so complicated.

I'd just resign pronto and not tie up any loose ends. It's voluntary, so you are free to dump it and not worry about it.

It sounds as if they've had more practice and get more enjoyment from being arseholes than you do. No point throwing good effort after bad trying to fight it; their punishment is losing someone who did their best for them.

Absolutely this, sometimes less really is more. Walk away with your head held high and don't look back.

Dear Chair
I am resigning my position on the committee from date. This is a difficult decision as I feel the work is worthwhile and I have been able to make a useful contribution. However I find I am no longer enjoying the role. In the event my feedback might he helpful to the future running of the committee, the reasons for this are:

1. I feel the demands on my time became excessive.
2. During exchanges between us I have felt undermined and that my contribution was not respected

I realise that not every combination of personalities creates a positive dynamic to work successfully together, hence my decision to step back. I will complete X and Y and happy to help with any handover.

OP, I feel your pain. And I agree it is much more difficult to resign from a voluntary role than a paid one - though I don't fully understand why. I've been in a similar position in the past, and (for different reasons) am in a similar position now with another committee. It is galling to let bullies get away with it, but there is no justice in the voluntary sector (at least in terms of volunteer roles) unfortunately and they are likely to make things worse if tackled rather than seeing the error of their ways.

In your case, I'd be inclined to say something like:

Dear Chair, Now that [Big Event] is over, my role [organising Big Event] has come to an end and it is time for me to stand down from the Committee. Please accept this email as my resignation, effective immediately. I wish [organisation] all the best in the future.

And then pour yourself a very stiff gin and see how much lighter your shoulders feel when you press send. It is amazing how liberating it is. Good luck.

@PangaBanga makes the point well; you are irked, understandably, but if you show it, they get their kick out of upsetting somebody, but in the long run, who is the loser?
Without a gratifying kerfuffle, you have made a dignified withdrawal, and they have lost the help and goodwill of somebody who has gone out of their way to be helpful and useful to them.
Bide your time calmly, wait for the next crisis to arrive, as it surely will, and the tentative enquiry from them, or more likely a "flying monkey", at which point you chuckle and make some remark along the lines of, "After last time? Do me a favour!"
Then, and only then, do you divulge your reasons.

This. You owe them nothing. not a loose end tied, not a change made to please others, not a turn up and smile.........Fuck blooming all.

Dear chair, I am resigning from the committee with immediate effect. Flyby2026.

Then, I would go to the shops and buy……delete/add/exchange as needed) samosas, Maltesers, cream cake, crusty bread, posh biscuits, spring rolls, and I’d sit down and watch tv. Easy.

Get your husband to monitor your phone and emails if needed, or you have my permission to ignore any communication from them.

Or, we’ll see you here in another month when you are still feeling anxious about something else they have done or said.

You know how much they care about you? They don’t. Not at all.

Use your anger just resign it’s not paid work just send an email I’m resigning from position as of now as my circumstances have changed good luck finding someone.

I've also just resigned from a work committee. There is no animosity or anything, I am just sick of being on them.

I think I must be part of the problem, and I have vowed to never be on one again.

With the work one, I was asked by management to be on the committee to talk about staff and work issues as they felt I would be honest and apparently I come to the table with a solution along with the issue. I was literally told this.

So I did, and then the management seemed to be upset that I raised some real concerns rather than asked for decaf tea. So, I've handed it over to another member of staff who wants to do it, saying I am too busy at work sorry.

Once I singlehandedly raised 4K for our school and the head asked me to chair the PTA and the other members kicked off, so I didn't. So, it's not like I am rubbish and don't get anything done. I just can't deal with the personalities on these things.

I have decided to NEVER say yes to being on a committee again.

All this raging and fuming is now on you.

Just quit.

You got lots of advice on how to do so quickly and cleanly a couple of weeks ago and you didn't take it.

Now you're getting angry again about the actions of people you've already marked as unreliable and unreasonable. They won't change.

Just quit.

With the work one, I was asked by management to be on the committee to talk about staff and work issues as they felt I would be honest and apparently I come to the table with a solution along with the issue. I was literally told this.
So I did, and then the management seemed to be upset that I raised some real concerns rather than asked for decaf tea. So, I've handed it over to another member of staff who wants to do it, saying I am too busy at work sorry.

So you fudged it a bit there too, you could have said ‘Look management person, you/John literally asked me to talk about staff and work issues, now I am here doing this and you don’t like it. Why?’

Have you resigned from the other one yet? Please say ‘yes’.