AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

[Maybeasd]

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

This is true. The most intelligent people at work are the first people to brush off any praise about how clever they are. And some of them are ridiculously clever.

One of them would much rather just show you pictures of his dog than tell you how good he is at things.

Exactly. My eldest DD is exttemely clever and the most modest person with it, too. I think that there's an element of them not appreciating their own talents and potential.

I totally understand you and completely agree, I find the UK very limited in this regard. I used to live in the Netherlands and I found it much more exploratory! As a small example - burnout is common and recognised there, and there's a culture of curiosity and understanding, erring towards prevention rather than just cure. I had therapy there during my own burnout, and my sessions there led to a variety of other referrals that meant it was much more holistic, from psychiatry to personality testing to physical therapies and ADHD assessment. I feel like in the UK, most people don't know that an alternative approach even exists, and even if they do, the resources just aren't as readily available here, unfortunately. Or if they are, they're much harder to find!

This OP is like de ja vu. Had to check the date, I swear it's been posted before.

"I’m surprised about the lack of acedemic research."

It still comes down to money.
The number of people who are
a) interested enough in this stuff to make it more or less their life's work
b) clever enough to do and publish the research and
c) independently wealthy enough to devote the time to do it and still be able to live, or well connected and charming enough to get somebody else to pay for them to live while they do it
must be tiny.

Take you for example. You've probably got b) but not a) - you said there is other stuff you'd prefer to devote time to- or c)

Even from a commerical POV, you're willing to pay somebody £3k to get inside your head. Even if a self employed neuropsychologist in the UK worked from home and had no overheads, to earn £60k/ year they'd have to have 20 people/year like you willing to pay £3k to get their head read and there may not be that paying case load in the UK.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable. We all struggle to find out who we are and how we fit into the world- but most of us don't expect the taxpayer via the NHS to provide medical solutions to a problem which is existential/philosophical.
Read a book, try meditating, talk to people-try being less focussed on yourself.
There is a possibility you do have a problem, if you do it is a mental health problem, and you need to get inline behind millions of other people who have, or feel they have issues, to access the limited resources available.
No one truly knows how their brain works- why should you be provided with resources to explore this when it is clinically unnecessary, and frankly a bit bonkers.

It all sounds really odd and pretentious to say you are "gifted". Your brain probably isn't that interesting and is probably very ordinary. I'm not quite sure what there is to learn, it's your brain you live with it.

Go spend your money in the states. You can buy anything there with enough money apparently. On the basis that many tests could probably be done online, try that route. I’m guessing why you won’t find anyone to do it in the uk is because they are more interested in people who have had brain injuries, which would be fascinating to see how the brain recovers/copes. A bog standard gifted brain like yours, won’t be as exciting or medically beneficial.

Indeed. As someone who has had three concussions, post concussion syndrome, and a medication induced (iatrogenic) neurological injury/ movement disorder, my brain has certainly given me my fair share of wonder over the past decade, and a hell of a lot of grief and frustration!

God only knows where my brain would be analysed, the neurologists would have a field day! 😫😅😅😅

Exactly! As much as understand the constraints, services are really hard to find , even if you’re willing to pay.

I remember when I had a positive colposcopy, I wanted a second opinion. It was virtually impossible to get one.

Another example is that in my home country we start getting checked regularly for breast cancer at 25, and the mandatory screening (mammogram) starts at 40.

When I’ve told my GP that given my ethnic background we’re more likely to develop cancer earlier, they basically laughed at me. So no, I just get them checked when I go home. There are even walk-in mobile screening units, so you can always get seen on the same day.

Don’t be silly. To join the Gifted sub-reddit, you have to show a certificate of greatness and your IQ score.

They can’t take chances with just letting average folks post on there.

Thank you. I mentioned this earlier in the thread. This has definitely been posted before. Even the phrasing is the same, and the sheer refusal to be seen as anything other than other worldly is exactly the same as a post a few months back. I’m so glad someone else remembers this 😂.

Ah no, I really am showing my lack of giftedness with these silly oversights 🤦

Definitely not me though!

What is your job OP?
If I were in your position I'd be wanting to be earning ££££££'s

I found all your updates very interesting and I resonate with some of what you have written. I was an exceptional child genius, then a desperately unhappy and confused teen. Unlike you, I have almost deliberately not tried to understand my brain or pursue academia to stimulate it more. My whole raison d’etre was to fit in socially. I made this my life’s goal, and succeeded I hope! But I do feel my brain works differently and I don’t understand myself anyway near as much as I would like. Sometimes, despite my best efforts, people still point out that I’m weird, but I don’t fit the profile for ASD (although my partner and DD are) or for ADHD. I hope you find what you are looking for in the US. If you are prepared to pay, then why not explore. It’s a fascinating topic.

Would you understanding your brain better have changed anything?

If you have a happy life with people you love, understanding what makes you "weird" wouldn't actually stop you being "weird" to the people who call you that.

For the record, I love weirdos, they're my favourite people. The world would be very boring if everyone followed the norm.

I don’t think it would, no. I have trained myself not to overthink everything if anything. And that has been hard but I am more content in my 50s than I have ever been. I also like ‘weirdos’ though. I have tried not to stand out as one too much but my best friends have always been quirky and probably neurodiverse.

I overthink. For anything that changes or is unexpected, I have to think through every possible outcome of it and make a plan for what needs to happen for each of them for us to be ok. Then I can relax (so to most people I seem really calm and assured in the face of change/uncertainty but it's because I've driven myself crazy internally).

It's worked out really well in terms of work because I essentially see the big picture and all potential problems before we do anything, so we can put contingency in place.

Basically I made a career out of the bits of my brain that could drive me insane and use it to keep home life ticking over. However, I did marry a man who barely thinks anything through, and now doesn't have to because I do it for us 🤣. He's great at talking me down off a ledge when I get there though. Keeps me balanced.

That sounds like my husband lol

I’m nearer 70 than 60 now, and a lot of what some posters are saying about understanding how their brains work is just about living life. As you live, you keep learning and working yourself out. This is our life’s work, I’m coming to see.

Not in a navel-gazing or narcissistic way, I hasten to add. But in a kind of ‘participant-observer’ (as the anthropologists say) fashion, just observing my responses and reactions and patterns of behaviour. Coming to know myself.

It comes with life experience that accretes with age - something that would have totally frustrated by 20 year old, or my 30 year old self!

I found that from my mid-forties onwards, I started to get a hold of my typical response patterns, and the interplay between my emotions and my rational thinking. We are embodied, social and emotional creatures, as well as having consciousness and sapience. I was badly bullied for about 5 years at school and my cleverness was a source of comfort and self-esteem, but we are not just brains on legs.

it takes time to understand that, and it is each of us our life’s work. No external expert can validate that for anyone.

If you meant that you left the UK for breast checks you didn't need to do that, these services are all available to buy privately in the UK now.

Re the colcoscopy, you have an absolute right to a second opinion on any diagnosis in the NHS.

Regarding the neurological services that you want, you don't have any clinical need, your own situation has nothing to do with constraints on NHS supply.

Having read every single one of your highly entertaining posts, and being of superior intelligence and literary research skills myself 🤪, I'm still at a total loss to understand what services you are actually asking for.

Are you at all starting to realise that you're not on your own with having brain traits that aren't considered "normal"?

My "weird" brain works differently to yours but also differently to other people's. But also, some of the same traits as some other people, who also have traits I or you don't have.

This is just how humans are. We are all different and all unique and in some ways, all the same. The fact we're all a bit weird makes us all the same.

I go home regularly, and they’re free over there? Why spend money here.

I did end up getting a second colposcopy but only after I complained via PALS. I was happy to get it done privately.

Im looking for a neuropsychological assessment (that’s what it’s called they’re a set of individual tests) with someone who has experience with gifted individuals. Again, happy to pay.

Apologies for the swype error, literary (though that's also true) should have read literature but published would have been even better. 😀