AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

[Maybeasd]

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

I've taken two things from this thread:

(1) many of the "autistic traits" described in this thread are perfectly normal traits for many people and appear to have been appropriated into "autism"

(2 the 100% point of the thread for OP is attention and boy has she had that, now added to by me unfortunately. I expect she's short of it in real life.

I disagree - not everyone has fear or anxiety - for example some people with antisocial personality disorder (psychopathy) may have extremly low levels of worry

True, and an apt example.

Things still "bother" them though, just because they aren't worried or anxious about it. It just manifests differently.

It's more likely that people bother them, hence the antisocial part of the naming of the disorders.

This thread is hilarious and while I'm not sure if it's a wind-up or if the OP is currently cycling through the manic phase of bipolar disorder, it does raise some interesting points for those of us who are ND. I have an adult diagnosis of ADHD and OCD but long before anyone knew that was a thing, was considered 'gifted' as a child (got a scholarship to a prestigious school). I think a lot of that is that if my brain isn't kept busy, it turns in on itself with intrusive thoughts etc. So even as a kid I threw myself into writing, learning, painting etc (classic ADHD really - a new hobby every week). As an adult, I find learning and working relaxes my brain and stops the endless buzzing and reduces anxiety. I certainly don't feel 'gifted' now - unless being really good at quizzes counts - but I bet there is some kind of intersection between capacity to learn quickly and neurodiversity.

We had a data architect on our team.
They were very definitely not a team player, preferred silo working and left our shit database in a worse mess than when they started. When they left we had to undo the damage they had done.

They shared a lot of character traits with the OP, namely arrogance and an unwavering belief that they were better than everyone else.

Not one person was sad when they left.

Said shit database is going on the scrap heap soon.

Yes. I can picture a cartoon elephant, or a realistic African elephant with wrinkled skin and blue paint over it. I can put it in a circus or a zoo enclosure or out on a safari, maybe just walking down a road. I can picture it pretty much any way I want, change colours, details, surroundings... this is what being hyperphantasic is.

It's just different - there is a Disney animator who is aphantasic, and I can't understand how he can draw cartoons without seeing it in his head, but he probably thinks how could I do it, with my brain cluttering everything up. I mean, I'm not a Disney animator, so I don't do it, but I can draw a bit, and it doesn't have to be a bowl of apples I front of me, it can be something in my head.

I suspect that unless we acquire or lose the way we have it, as a PP, we just can't fully understand what it's like to be the other way, because it's normal for our own self. I have a friend who became blind as an adult, and he can still see inside his head, and dream in colour and so on.

I don't think research on aphantasia/hyperphantasia has really been around for long enough yet to know which is more prevalent or not in certain industries, things like that. But it certainly changed my thinking with people I'm with. If I tell them to think about where something is or something, they might not be seeing it I their head like I do, so I might need to explain things differently.

(Not that this helps the OP.)

And yet you’re on here because you’re frustrated at the ‘lack of resources’ available to recognise your gifts! Why not explore this set of concerns in therapy?

Good idea. I think your whole identity is tied up in being “gifted” OP. Do you think that is your only positive characteristic or why has it become such a big thing in your life?

That's another common thing for people with ASCs and related conditions - talking "insight"-type therapy can be a waste of time.

Was the therapist an ASC specialist? A specialist therapist might have worked on figuring out whether you don't experience stress or worry at all (as a pp has said, that's common with some conditions and given your family background you could well have some traits yourself) and then helped you work on the implications of that for managing your life and relationships in a healthy way; or whether you do have these feelings but you don't recognise them and then she could help you learn to "tune in" to them and deal with them better. Some people always reframe anxiety as blame or denial or anger. Or "frustration" - if the therapist had added "frustration" to "stress and worry" when she asked what bothers you then you could have had a conversation, no?

This is also one of the problems of trying therapy before you've had diagnostic assessments. Therapy is a treatment and it's hard to get the right kind of (effective) treatment when you (and they) don't know the diagnosis.

hell to the no! I have a fairly decent body. I’m very disciplined when it comes to sport. I can run a BQ time, and a sub 20 5k (which is not too shabby!)

I’m definitely a better mom than my mother ever was.

I’m an excellent wife. Great colleague and friend. Very decent employee too.

I always try to give back to society.

Decent cook too, but better baker.

Also decent amateur colorist.

Well done you!

But you haven’t answered why it is so important to you to be recognised as gifted then?

All that and yet you are so uncomfortable in your own skin that you constantly seek answers to why you are like you are, resorting finally to a forum of total strangers to validate yourself.

It doesn't sound like modesty or self awareness are amongst your positive traits, OP.

Perhaps those are things that you could work on.

I don’t want o be recognised. I know I am. No need for recognition.

i want to understand my brain, two completely different things.

I think you would end up being very disappointed with the outcome so it’s probably better you continue with your self-delusion.
If your brain is so amazing then why not do something groundbreaking with it instead of contemplating your navel?

The thing about having a good brain, OP, is that it enables you to conduct your own extensive research into just about any field you wish. In addition, it gives you the capability to analyse the workings of your own mind in great detail, should you choose to do so.

So my question is really why you need external input at all. Surely you are better placed than anyone to examine the workings of your own mind, so what exactly would you be looking for from someone else that you can't do for yourself? Is it just validation that you're craving, or something else?

You only do that by using your brain. Our brains are plastic, they're not fixed.

This might be the whole aim of every human being's life: to understand her/himself. To learn how our brain works. It is done by living, with humility, self-reflection, and vulnerability. Curiosity and openness.

You might benefit by practicing Buddhism, or meditation, or prayer.

If you take out the occult bit of religion, it's what prayer does - trying to empty out your ego, to "offer up."

I'm a very long way from religious, but I find "letting go and letting god" often helps with understanding myself and situations.

I’m not a neuropsychologist to run the tests. But the whole battery of tests gives an idea of how my brain processes things.

I actually won’t say if I’m gifted or not, but will help Indra visual perception, different types of memory, motor skills, etc….

I think that you just need to make peace with not knowing all the answers. You might also need to work on understanding why institutions such as the NHSneed to prioritise services according to urgent need. I would have thought with your sociology qualification that would have been something you would have been more familiar with.

It is frustrating that we don't live in an ideal world, where the doctors are all fascinated and eager to understand and interpret someone else's inner world for them.

I think that this is probably going to have to be a personal project just for you and your husband, or if you want to have the input of neuroscientists etc, then it will be costly.

So what tests would you actually want done, and what would you be hoping to gain from them exactly?

An understanding of how my brain processes information.

But why would you need tests to understand that? What sort of tests, and what exactly would you be expecting them to tell you that you wouldn't already know?

I feel that I have a pretty good understanding of how my own brain works, which I have acquired through many years of experience, observation and reflection. I don't really see what a bunch of tests could realistically tell me that I don't already know.

Having said that, I observed earlier that you do seem to be unusually lacking in self awareness. So maybe you need tests and an external expert to tell you what most people would be able to figure out for themselves?

I'm trying to understand but I still don't really get what you're looking for.

Maybe we should have a whip-round so you can have your tests in the States and report back to us?

NRTFT

Op, I have read most of your posts and find them fascinating. But I do feel you are slightly self-obsessed and seeking something intangible, beyond how your brain works.

I suppose I could be classed as "twice-exceptional" although it's a label I'd never heard of until this post. I'm "gifted" according to your definition of high IQ (156 in my case), and was on a research programme for high-IQ children from the age of 10 through to 30. I'd reserve the "gifted" label for someone with a particular talent in a specific field, not generally intelligent. I'm also classed as ND, with a clinical diagnosis of ADHD. I am interested in how these two "exceptions" function together, to better understand how my brain works.

But where we seem to differ is that I don't feel there should be provision available to explain this to me. I do my own research, but as a hobby, not as an obsession. I read academic papers, read psychology and psychiatry books and basically am putting my own psych profile together. There should be enough information out there for you to do the same, but before you can you need to establish if you are actually neuro-diverse.

As PPs say, synesthesia (sp?) isn't a symptom of being ND, although you do sound slightly ASD in your writing. You can't really class yourself as "twice-exceptional" without being ND, and I don't mean like one of those NT women who claim they've got ADHD because they've forgotten where they put their lipstick a couple of times. Get a proper diagnosis. Use your £3K for that, if you must. Once you know what you have, if anything, then you can focus on researching that particular diagnosis with above-average IQ.

But it sounds to me like you have an emotional need there too. I get the feeling you need to be exceptional, you need to feel superior. Counselling might also be something to consider, e.g. why you need to prove this to yourself.

In the meantime, talk to people even when you find them boring. You'll learn something about them, and possibly some humility for yourself.

*edited for syntax errors