AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

[Maybeasd]

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

Good suggestion too! I’ll have a good think, because it’s one of those subjects that have to be challenging but also of interest.

yeah, I think Greek Philosophy is a good start for me.

Baffling. So you’ve taken an IQ test, have some bog standard degrees, speak 3 languages, and have some form of synthaesthesia. You are also inarticulate, at least on this thread.

What are you actually talented at / have achieved? None of what you have stated so far makes you extraordinary, apart from maybe the high IQ. Though as you pointed out yourself, you can certainly learn how to get a high score in an IQ test. You do sound like a narcissist.

This thread has been a roller coaster! I've gone from being intrigued to feeling angry and snarky and then back to intrigued. I have a family member who from your descriptions, shares some similar behaviours. They are often dismissed as arrogant but that's more to do with how they speak rather than the person they are (which is always kind and helpful) I hope you manage to get some answers to what you are looking for, the brain is infinitely fascinating!

Uh oh, you said my activation word, philosophy is my baby 🤣 To kill two birds with one stone, this podcast is excellent and is so relaxing I put it on at night to help quieten my brain and get to sleep! open.spotify.com/show/5NkIduNOSgSELCYIa4RaNq?si=XgBOHe8PQSKQJekSMp4x4w

Firstly, your talents alone don’t make you a unicorn - there are plenty of people going through life who are just as capable as you. They just don’t go through life considering themselves special in the very navel-gazing, arrogant way in which you do.

Secondly, so much of your life seems focussed on your specialness, and understanding why and how you are so special, revelling in how superior you are. This is not a positive attribute for someone who exists in a society and a community. It’s probably not your fault - your family sound dreadful, sitting in an ivory tower of their own making, looking down at everyone else and believing themselves a different, superior group of beings. It’s bound to have rubbed off on you. But it’s possible to rebel, see this arrogance for what it is, and determine to be a better person.

Thirdly, talent is horribly wasted if it’s not used for good. You give no indication of any desire or curiosity to see what your ‘gifts’ can achieve beyond curating a suite of skills and accomplishments yourself - my impression is you just want to understand quite how special and superior you are and then clutch that to your chest to bolster your already immense sense of self-worth. Try looking outwards. If you have unusual gifts, how can you use them to better the lives of everyone? Great scientific minds might bend them to finding a cure for cancer, or a musician to creating and sharing a sublime piece of music to enrich other people’s lives. What are you doing with the talents you identify in yourself?

In my world, that is all quite normal. Are you simply seeking a label that is authenticated by an “authority” OP?

I think you need to find some meaningful work. But I suspect that’s not possible for you as your focus is also quite broken, from what you say.

You seem to seek validation, but that’s really nothing to do with your supposed uniqueness. We’re all unique, actually.

I agree that it's a gap in the market.

Very difficult to find someone who will admire your brilliance and exceptional mind for a sufficiently low fee.

I started reading this thinking omg please tell me when you find answers because you sound exactly like my mother, she's been in mensa, got into a top UK university to study maths, studied to top grade piano, sees music, has exactly the same attitudes to you. I'm 99% sure she's on the spectrum myself.

But what I actually wanted to post was to warn you. She saw a psychiatrist in her 30s or 40s to try and understand herself and they honed in from what I understand on social relationship aspects and told her she should never get married ?!

I think the problem is actually with modern psychiatry, it's far far more aimed at identifying what problem or disorder you have, to give you a label, or dispense medication. It's not something you're going to resolve satisfactorily within such a system. It's a patriarchal white dominated profession.

My thoughts and ideas are - you most likely ARE on the ASD spectrum, having that diagnosis would provide you with a basis within which to explore yourself and assist you in relationships. There is no requirement to make yourself more 'typical', look for neurodivergent affirming strategies.

Secondly, therapy that focuses on acceptance, such as acceptance commitment therapy, meditation or mindfulness, even Buddhism (my mums latest interest) might help.
Do NOT fall into the psychiatry trap. People will see you coming and gleefully take your money.

Finally you mentioned not being from UK, DM spent her formative years in a different country and had a very different upbringing, and I think there are some deep differences because of that, in why she feels or appears to feel an outsider sometimes.

🤣😂🤣

I appear to be admired for a low fee at work 😅

I'm sorry, I'm obviously not gifted because I still dont get it. Nothing you have explained is any indication of giftedness. Lots of people like to learn and understand things.

have you excelled at anything? Like quantum maths or the cello?

Not in my adult life, but when I was younger I definitely did.

I’be been to an IMO.

Gifted people don’t necessarily excel. My cousin is a great example. When she was at Med school she won a few awards, won a scholarship for a post-doc etc… She was doing very interesting research in paediatric skin cancer.

in the end she dropped everything off, went on some gap year style trip and became a SAHM. She’s still just as gifted but hasn’t done anything “Outstanding” for 20+ years.

We dont know OPs line of work, and thats probably for the best as it could be outing. But I would also say, if they are autistic, then great talent doesn't always translate into great achievement sadly because of other problems like social differences or poor time management.

So it's fairly meaningless then to describe her - or you - as gifted, (twice) exceptional etc. It's like describing a 90yo as a pole-vaulter because they used to do it aeons ago. You can keep saying it's a 'fact' but it just makes you sound nuts and narcissistic, and the twice exceptional thing is especially spurious. It's not a formal diagnosis, it's just something some people choose to believe exists. You might as well be spouting scientology doctrine and declaring yourself alien.

And given that you don't question these bogus terms, it makes you sound less intelligent and discerning, and more unbalanced and deluded.

OP, at school I was categorised as "gifted". It turns out it just means that you're academically (or I suppose musically, artfully or something other aptitude) very capable.

I'm intelligent. I learn fast, I can read and take in most of a page in a very short period of time (think seconds maximum, depending on the volume on the page) and I can see both problems and solutions that others aren't able to.

That's all been very helpful in making sure I am good at a job. But it's not all I am. I'm still a person with likes, dislikes, feelings, emotions etc.

The fact that my brain works like it does, doesn't define me. The person I am as a whole does. Look outside of your giftedness for who you are and build a life that's not just centred around how clever you are. Be happy.

Yet you will not tell us where you got your degrees (we're too stupid to recognise the names of the places, apparently) , what job you do, or what you actually excel at (no, not "being exceptional").

You just come across as a very normal person with narcissistic tendencies, desperate to be told how good they are. Sorry if that's blunt but getting fed up with the wind up.

You’ve said you are happy to pay, so why don’t you pay privately for an ASD assessment and a cognitive assessment. Often the places who offer these private services can do both. Though I’m familiar from a child/ young person perspective.

The OP only wants it done by someone one who specialises in ‘the gifted’, though.

@TalkingShrubwell shes unlikely to find that and regardless the actual assessments used would be the same- WISC, WIAT, BRIEF, RBANS, ABAS etc.

I feel for you. It must make life, socially, very difficult for you, as fundamentally it just makes you a bit of a pain to be around.
Perhaps your thirst for knowledge should take you in that direction - how to handle being gifted without becoming a social pariah?

Haven't you considered that they might exist in the USA because people are more willing there to pay for services that are actually not very helpful or well regulated?

Most of what you say about yourself is very similar to several autistic people I know.

At its core I tend to find people boring (which is common for people like me) but I’m happy to socialise and can go and meet people and chat. It’s always a constant analysis if it’s worthwhile to engage or not.

That is potentially a very autistic trait. It is a common misconception that people with autism don't like to socialise and chat. Many do. But they often find socialising tiring or boring and therefore not worthwhile when the conversation is more social and less analytic or topic-based.

So for example for ASD people are puzzled by the rules of engagement. I’m not, I just see them as constructs and understand the logic of them, but I might choose to engage or not.

My own DC carefully explained the logic of a social "rule of engagement" and the child-psych pointed out (afterwards, to me) what very autistic behaviour that was. In a situation where most people would just have used their social instinct my DC had to rely on logic instead.

So for example certain variables can trigger certain thought processes, why does that happen?

"Variables" eh? You systematise things. High-functioning autistic trait.

(I don’t need (nor want) to be recognised, I have myself for that.

Just as well. In places you also remind me of the (insufferable and autistic) character Roddy Ho from "Slow Horses". Except he doesn't have synaesthesia.

He also calculated the thickness of “optimal” toilet paper. He was fascinating to talk to.

And now you've said that I can't decide if you are more adorable or insufferable!

A socially clever person… which I don’t I necessarily am.

That is a very useful insight.

Do hang in there for your ASC assessment. Obviously you're very gifted in certain areas and in other areas you are a long way behind the curve. And having this uneven profile and given that it's the social areas where you aren't instinctively "clever", means this may well be indication of autism.

Op, I think you should definitely consider whether neurodiversity my help explain some of your experiences.

I also wonder about the impact of trauma, considering your comments about your psychopath dad.

I think it seems like you have a strong desire for validation, which is understandable, but I'm worried this may not be the answer you're looking for.

Giftedness is not really a thing this evidence behind. I wonder whether you'd be happier focusing of the feelings behind this desire to be seen as exceptional, and how to build your self-esteem so it affects your life less. A therapist could help with this.

I ask because I was put up two academic years (back in the days when people didn't realise this was an insane thing to do to a child emotionally) and finished secondary school two years early. I have a handful of degrees from very prestigious universities and work in a field thats considered intellectual.

However, no one has even said I was gifted, and I dont think I am at all. I find learning easy, but I struggle with a lot of things other people find easy.

No one I studied with or work with was ever labelled exceptional or gift, nor would they think that about themselves. If you asked as if we thought we were more gifted than the person driving our morning bus, we honestly would say no. I don't understand how you think you are...

I always assumed 'gifted' meant you should play the cello at 4 without lessons, or do complex equations at 8. Kind of like a beautiful mind..