To think my daughter shouldn't violence from a child in her nanny job?

[SoniaSwanners]

(Title is missing a word - should be 'Am I being unreasonable to think my daughter shouldn't accept violence...etc')

My daughter has been working as a nanny for about a month, for three children - 9, 7 and 4. The 9-year-old is fine, but the 7-year-old and 4-year-old regularly scream at her 'You're stupid!' etc, and the 4-year-old kicks her, throws things at her and regularly tries to physically hurt her. Once he threw a chair at her. This morning he grabbed her wrist and squeezed it as hard as he could, to try and hurt her. Previously he's said several times, 'I'm going to hurt you with this toy' etc. This isn't just an occasional thing, it's every time she works. The daughter also screams at the mother regularly, calling her stupid and refusing to cooperate. No punishments/consequences are ever given, as far as my daughter knows - the kids still get their daily 'screen time'.

I've told my daughter she ought to resign immediately. I think, on principle, that if you're a nanny and the children in your care are physically violent to you, then that's it, game over. You leave. You don't put up with it. But I've had no experience of nannying. Is this kind of behaviour something parents can reasonably expect a nanny to put up with/fix/work on, while remaining in the job. They pay my daughter minimum wage, by the way.

Am I being unreasonable to think she should leave right now?

No she shouldn't have to put with that, I agree with you that she should resign. I'll wait for comments that the children may have special needs.

She should quit. Like fuck would I have that. If my kids behaved like that, they wouldn't sit till next Christmas. Especially not to someone else looking after them!

She absolutely should resign, and quickly.

They might, but a nanny still doesn’t have to be ok with it. What a stupid comment!

Well I wouldn’t be putting up with it! As a Nanny she should be sorting this behaviour. If she feels like she can’t sort it then, yes she should resign.

I used to be a nanny and the parents are aware of their children’s behaviour but expect the nanny to sort it. I assume she has qualified in childcare and is a registered nanny and not a glorified babysitter.

She should definitely resign. If the children have additional needs the parents need to find a nanny with extra training and be prepared to pay a lot more. If they're just badly brought up, the parents need to realise this makes them unattractive employers for childcare professionals.

Either way it's not your daughter's problem and I'm sure she could find somewhere better to work.

Unfortunately, behaviour in young children is declining and school staff are subjected to this day in and day out (from my experience).
Was there any mention of special needs at the interview? If not, I’d speak to the parents and ask what strategies and consequences they have in place. If the children are just allowed to do what ever they please then yes, I’d hand my notice in!

The kids do not have special needs. They're not neurodiverse. The parents haven't said anything about special needs, only 'We're hoping this phase will pass soon. If it's any consolation, the little boy used to scream "I hate you!" at the last nanny.'

Obviously she should resign immediately but also why did she take a job for minimum wage when nanny salaries are well above that, even outside of London? Does she not have previous nannying experience? Where I am full time nanny salaries start from around £50k pa.

Minimum wage for looking after 3 kids?

How on earth are they getting away with paying minimum wage for a professional to look after their badly behaved kids?! Has she been nannying for long?

This is awful, I’m a nanny, and between jobs recently I did temping and some children I did witness being violent in the ways you have described to their parents. Thankfully not at me, as I’d have left as soon as one of the parents could take over, because that’s not reasonable or safe.

I’d be absolutely mortified if my children were behaving like that.

She needs to go ASAP. You wouldn't take this abusive in any other walk of like?
As a Nanny lots of people will bite her hand off she won't be unemployed for long.

What would you have done, out of interest, if the parents weren’t on board with managing their own children’s behaviour and you had children physically attacking you?

Why is she only getting paid minimum wage? And yes she should resign, she shouldn’t have to put up with that in her job. But ultimately it’s her own choice.

It’s hard to say without knowing the child, it’s not a one size fits all, there’s no magic formula. It’s trial and error, my first instinct would be to stay calm and not react at all ignore the bad behaviour and redirect the child. If there’s no special needs most children who act out are in need of attention do giving a child like that full attention should sort the problem before it’s even begun.

She absolutely should leave, but it’s her decision as an adult.

Yes leave and get a better paid job next time.

Duty of care to protect an employee? Speak to acas. How long has she been employed? Does she have any protected characteristics?

Think this is a parent/discipline problem. Your daughter should not have to go work and put up with that

No, she doesn't have any protected characteristics. She's worked there nearly a month.

If she can she needs to say to the parents that the behaviour is unacceptable and can you please sit down together so that you are on the same page to try to put in some sanctions for this behaviour - if they cant then unfortunately she cant stay in the job where she is treated this way with no support. (Though personally for minimum wage I would not stay!).

I’m really sorry I feel like I’m missing something, if the OPs daughter is a nanny then the parents aren’t about when she’s working with the children so how are the parents supposed to ‘help’ in these circumstances? Is she telling them when they get home and they don’t want to know or is it something else?

sorry if I’m being really thick but I just can’t get my head around it.

Tell her to leave without notice and put her prices up.

What if the children decide to accuse her of hitting them or a worse thing -she should get out now imv

Absolutely not, unless she is being paid a huge sum, and given full authority, to fix this appalling behaviour.