She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

[ThatCosyMintWriter]

what would you do?
A very distant friend of mine has split from her husband after 30yrs marriage.
She is now sleeping with any man she can get her hands on. Including married ones.
I am not aware of the males names as I would be inclined to inform their wives.
Her behaviour is simply disgusting and the fact she is doing this to fellow females angers me immensely!
should I just mind my own business?
I am not close enough friend to try and reason with her. What else can I do???

Yes. If she was the one who was dumped in the marriage it is probably a reaction to that. Some sort of ego boost to prove to herself she is still desirable. It wont make her feel good in the long run and hopefully she will see it soon. Have seen this before. Just hope she stops before she has trouble with an angry wife.

It’s funny how many married men just can’t seem to remember they are bloody married isn’t it, did she scramble their brains with her feminine wiles? If my husband slept with someone else 100% of my ire would be at him.

I wouldn’t particularly like it but she’s not forcing any of these men is she. You don’t have to be her friend.

Nothing, as you say she is not a close friend, and you have no clue who she is sleeping with. In the nicest way, just mind your own business and let her get on with it.

Tale as old as time, blame the woman for the man’s behaviour.

He is the one who took marriage vows. He entered that contract. She did not. Just as she is not responsible for him upholding any other contract he entered into, she is not responsible for upholding his marriage contract.

And, to those saying she shouldn’t be ‘tempting’ him, if a man is only faithful because of lack of temptation or opportunity, and if his ongoing fidelity requires half the population to behave a certain way rather than him being responsible for his behaviour, then his fidelity is worth sweet fuck all and your marriage is a farce.

She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

???? Maybe assume the men she is doing this with have agency and are making the decision to wreck their marriages themselves. Or, is a gun involved to force these men, in which case I’d think it’s a matter for police, not for you.

When I left my long term relationship a lot of married/partnered men who I knew well and hadn’t previously thought of as cheats, came on to me.

If I had said yes to every offer, without doing any sort of persuasion or instigation, I would have looked exactly like you’re describing your friend.

Food for thought perhaps….

I find the responses to this post laughable.

But then this is MN where women are never responsible for their behaviour.

So married man has an affair and quite obviously he’s an arsehole. But the woman was clearly vulnerable, clearly struggling, clearly it’s “mental health” a term I no longer take seriously for the most part, it’s become a phrase to excuse all manner of behaviours, but generally only by women.

Why can’t there be middle ground?

We all know that there are married men who cheat. There are just as many married women who do as well but this isn’t what this thread is about.

But let’s not pretend that there aren’t women out there who see a married man as a trophy.

Yes the married man made the decision to cheat on his wife, but the woman he cheats with makes the decision to help him do so.

No woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man is an innocent victim here. They are both responsible.

As for the OP’s friend, I would just not engage with her any more. No more needs to be said on that score.

The only people wrecking marriages are the men that stray to be with her.

Support her to find her self worth again if you want but don’t blame her for men not putting appropriate boundaries in place.

What can you do?

You can be in control of you and recognise this has nothing to do with you.

Carry on being very distant.

Wrong post

Not your business. Just stay out of it.

I think this could be my friend!

Recently split up from 30-year marriage and sleeping with anyone and everyone. She has met with men in pubs, online and gone back and shagged them on the first night and had a few weeks relationship. Every single one of them has told her that she is lovely, they really like her but........they are not in the right place at the moment, too busy with work, too busy travelling blah blah.

The only issue I have with the above is that I am telling her that these men are married, and she won't believe me. None have ever taken her back to his, or let her know anything about themselves and then ended it when she wanted a bit more.

Them being married is not my concern. It's the way they are using my friend and her naivety that worries me.

You aren't close enough to reason with this person, and you don't know any of the men involved. Your friend may be offering, but these men are taking up her offer, so therefore are half responsible for destroying their own relationships.

You can't do anything, other than step back from the friendship. If you are questioned, all you can say is that you don't agree with her decision to have sex with men she knows are married or in relationships.

“What would you do?”

Nothing.

There is nothing you can do. Just cut this friend out. Not worthy.

Tale as old as time, and quite a sad story of a woman with very low self esteem wanting validation.

Your "friend" needs support not threads being started about her online.

I judge you more than I judge her OP!

The men in question are responsible for their own actions. Stop blaming this woman.

She is also responsible for her own actions, unless you want to offer support to her as she’s obviously going through a tough time, don’t say anything.

In a distant friend I would note it and distance myself further. Not sure what else anyone would be doing in this scenario.

Only the people in the marriage can cheat on their spouse. It's them that took vows and it's them that are breaking them.

The men are wholly responsible for destroying their own relationships.

Do you mean she's on dating apps and sleeping around? It's well known that 50% of men on apps like Tinder are not single. They just don't advertise the fact.

Of a very distant friend? I'm sure they'll notice

I can guarantee these men are not cheating on their wives for the first time

so you do not have to do anything

Is she shagging your man OP? If so, you have a say in her behaviour. If not, mind your own business!
Start gossiping now and risk getting caught in the crossfire later.

This has nothing to do with you. Your friend is a single adult who is free to have sex with whoever she wants. If the men are cheating, this is their fault, and their responsibility. Why are you trying to become involved in your friends sex life?