She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

[ThatCosyMintWriter]

what would you do?
A very distant friend of mine has split from her husband after 30yrs marriage.
She is now sleeping with any man she can get her hands on. Including married ones.
I am not aware of the males names as I would be inclined to inform their wives.
Her behaviour is simply disgusting and the fact she is doing this to fellow females angers me immensely!
should I just mind my own business?
I am not close enough friend to try and reason with her. What else can I do???

Arguably all the men could have said no

Arguably? Which ones couldn't?

It's good that you don't have access to the wives of these cheating men - I understand the wish to tell them what their horrible husbands are up to but you don't know them and so don't know if doing so would be an act of care or harm in their particular circumstances.

Your say you are not close enough to this "friend" who's carelessly sleeping with multiple married men to try to reason with her. Well... then, you are not real friends. Her behaviour disgusts you, she's a "distant" friend to whom you are not close. Drop the friendship. Will she notice or care? If she does, be straight with her: I know you've had a hard time of things but I find the fact that you are willingly sleeping with married men gross and a friendship dealbreaker for me.

You're perfectly right to judge her - everyone judges all the time, people here are judging you because they want to excuse her terrible behaviour, it's human nature and an evolutionary strategy to use judgement, it helps us stay safe.

But there's nothing you can do about her grotty choices.

Just slowly ghost her into non existence.

It's none of your business. Also, she's not the one cheating, the men she is sleeping with are choosing to cheat/wreck their own marriage. Don't paint her as the amoral one.

1. Very distant friend
2. Females

The cheating scumbag types who she threw herself all over. They’re still scum but I do expect better from friends, so when our moral codes are so mis-aligned, then I’ll back away.

Or maybe after 30 years of lousy sex, and being made to feel totally unattractive, she's determined to have a good time, and not considering anybody else in her quest. None of OPs business either way.

You may be right. This isn't what they normally choose to do but it's always possible.

Men, not males - a male human is a man.

You can choose not to be friends with her but otherwise it’s none of your business.

They couldn't say no?

The ones who shagged her obviously couldn’t! To be fair, they pretty much all ditched her after sex, none developed into anything longer term, again not for the want of trying on her part. There really seemed to be some mad drive for drama & excitement, without giving a thought to anyone who might get hurt along the way. Not someone I wanted to continue being friends with.

Oh, and to be crystal clear, it's the slutty men who are wrecking their own marriages. She sounds gross, but they are cheaters and 100% to blame for their own choices and can very definitely always say No.

The ones who shagged her obviously couldn’t!

The poor dears! They had no choice! Their marriage vows are entirely in the hands of other people! I hope their wives all stayed with them; after all, they couldn't say no so how could anyone blame them!

I'm surprised women don't rule the world given how much power we supposedly have where men are nothing but passive victims with no agency!

What's the point of all the debate about the responsibility of these cheating men? The OP is not friends with them. She doesn't know them at all. The OP's "friend", who is knowingly shagging married men, is being really mean and either you're good enough friends to be able to say that or you're not and so... let the "friendship" drop. You don't like her behaviour and you're not close enough to call her on it. You are not friends.

Awww. Poor menz. How could they resist? ... oh yes, easily. They're faithless twats.

Perhaps I'll go shag someone despite being married. It's not solely my responsibility so that makes it easier. I can't say no and all those men just shouldn't make it possible for me.

It’s the men she’s sleeping with that are wrecking their marriages, not her. Their marriage is on them, not your single friend.

She’s ended her marriage and can do what she likes. Stay. Out. Of. It.

If that's what you want to do, go do it. That's your choice, your responsibility. And if the people you sleep with know that you are married, that's their choice, their responsibility.

If that's what you want to do, go do it. That's your choice, your responsibility

Hey, stop holding me responsible for my own promises and commitments. Those sexy men just shouldn't be available or exist at all, the slags. Although if temptation didn't exist, why did I need to pledge monogamy....

And if the people you sleep with know that you are married, that's their choice, their responsibility.

Their responsibility for what? I'm married to him, who are they answerable to?

Oh, it's not a debate. They're the ones wrecking their own marriages.

The reason it's being mentioned is because the OP incorrectly stated otherwise.

So the sexually incontinent, who also find women disposable. Have sex and dump them, then go back to playing at being a decent married man. Yuck!

Married people who cheat on their spouses are responsible for their choice to damage their spouse/family. Single people who sleep with married people are responsible for their choice to willingly play a role in something that damages spouses/families. The OP doesn't know the cheaters, she only knows the "friend" who is sleeping with cheaters. The OP is wrong to think she should be doing anything other than dropping this "friend" because she is disgusted by her choices.

I think if somebody who described themselves as 'a very distant friend' turned out to have strong enough opinions about what she may have heard about my recent behaviour to be asking Mumsnet (how? Very distant friend...), I'd not thank them for suggesting that I needed therapy! Is there more to this OP? Did your husband divulge this about her and you're worried that she's after him?

Agreed!

There is nothing that you can do to improve her behaviour. I would distance myself as much as possible from her.