Can I refuse this school meeting?

[loellajames]

My son had one day off school in November as he had a temp on the fri and sat and the school wouldn't allow him back until 48 hrs had passed. They sent him home the Friday. I called them on the Mon morning and asked if it was 24 or 48 hrs and they told me I must keep him off. He had a full week off in December as he had flu (tested for and have shown them medical records as his temp was over 40 at one point - he was really unwell). He has vomited tonight and therefore won't be in school for two days. He's a very fit and healthy child, no safeguarding concerns, attendance between 98 and 100% until now. He just happens to have caught a few things in quick succession. After the first two absences the school sent me a letter stating they would be monitoring his absence over the next two weeks and if he had any more I would be called in for a face to face meeting in school hours, this letter was only sent to me last week, nearly two months after the last absence (first week of December). I have a job and feel this is a total waste of time. I'm literally going to sit there and say 'he had a temperature or was vomiting so I followed your policies'. Has anyone ever ignored anything like this before? Been called in for a 'chat'? What will the consequences be of me saying no?

Once I had a letter sent after my daughter missed school because she had a severe allergic reaction at school when school hadn't taken care to keep her safe.
At that point I sent a very robust email and did get a groveling phone call
But why someone doesn't either check the letters before they go out to make sure they aren't going to be absolutely tone deaf etters to send, or at least include a note within the letter that says that this is a blanket letter and it may not be applicable in all circumstances. I have no idea.

dropping school attendance can be a cause for concern and so it’s right that it should be monitored

there have to be trigger points and you’ve triggered one

they have to check in to find out whether there is a cause for concern.

in your case there is nothing to be worried about and absences can be explained

its reasonable for you to request a phone call or meeting at a time that suits you due to work.

If the D of E really cared about ill children missing school they would start to provide resources to ensure lessons could be recorded or children could access school remotely

My son has several tutors that we use occasionally because he gets ill and when he's too ill for school he's often still well enough to have some online tuition

All this amazing technology exists that could be used to help children with chronic illness and instead they just get generic letters berating them

I wouldn't be able to go as I'd be at home looking after my poorly child?

(Default parent with illness as I WFH / PT and other parent is self employed)

Because he was sent home on Friday afternoon and he still had a temp on Saturday......

Yes, policies do not add up with each other. Am finding this at the moment.

I would have the meeting in some form, and voice the 'can't win' observations because you may have further absence. From my point of view, I'm saying that I won't mess around with health issues (my DD's are centring around the heart - new problem - and ear infections - old problem, although a cause is not clear, so, no, not going to play with fire). The support I am requesting is how DD will be able to retrieve resources and support after periods being absent, and who we email - from experience, it is not just 'Attendance' even if that's the described process.

I’m always confused about people saying these letters are automated, maybe it’s in secondary not primary? DD had pretty poor attendance last year with two hospital admissions of a week each and a phased return after the longer one when she only did mornings. I was stressing about how much time she was missing and in constant contact with school but expecting some sort of official communication but never had a thing. It’s a big standard state primary but has a very kind and sensible Head.

Sorry he’s had so many illnesses OP, I’d offer a phone call.

I agree. Children take unwell at the drop of a hat. The first two absences are well documented and the third is a common illness.

seems like overkill

Since when did schools start acting like the Gestapo? Next time send your DC in and let the whole class go down with a bug 😉

Agree, it's a poor excuse to hide behind automation

I had an attendance letter from school a couple of years ago for my daughter who was 0.9% below the minimum attendance (95%) because she was attending CAMHS therapy to help her deal with developmental trauma/PTSD due to child abuse sustained at the hands of her father.

The school knew that she was going to these weekly sessions and that I had no say in what time they were (before afternoon register). They authorised them but because they made her attendance drop, I got a letter threatening that if I didn't improve her attendance, I might be taken to court.

I arrived home from therapy to this letter on my doormat and I went batsh!t crazy.

Ironically, we got off-rolled in the end because they couldn't provide her with the type of support and environment she needed coupled with being academically bright and bored.

I used to be a a head of year and had to hold many of these meetings - as soon as attendance dropped below a certain amount, we had to invite parents in for a meeting. They were almost always a waste of time because we knew why they’d been off, but occasionally it would flag up something we weren’t aware of, so I suppose overall it was better to have them than not.

The main thing to be aware of is if absences get to a point of being referred to the local authority, they will ask the school about whether the parents attended any meetings, and if not, then it looks like a refusal to engage. To avoid this, we’d always do what we could to make attendance meetings as convenient as we could for parents (usually we’d tack them onto parents evenings, or other occasions when we knew parents were coming in anyway).

So I’d encourage you to engage with the school (Teams meeting perhaps?) but also be well aware that it is absolutely a tick box exercise and not worry about it.

No you don't have to go in. Tell them to call you if they absolutely need to speak to you.

Just reply and say that all absences were due to either being too ill to attend or because of school policy regarding illnesses, so could this meeting be a phone call please

See my reply above. I was told the letter was a letter that was sent to all parents of children whose attendance was below 95%. Their attendance could be 94.9% and you'd still get one. It didn't matter the reason their attendance was lower than 95% - no distinction between children with long-term health issues etc.

I wrote a long letter to the school telling them how inappropriate it was to send such a letter to the mother of a child victim of DV/child abuse (I am also a victim of the same perpetrator).

I got told at a subsequent meeting that the school were made to send the letters by the LA. I pointed out that regardless, the school should have used their knowledge and discretion about individual mitigating circumstances to personally give the letters to parents of children with long-term health issues and explain this. As there was no distinction between authorised and unauthorised absence or parents who kept their children off at the drop of a hat and whose children had attendance in the 60% range etc.

Its likely just an automatic letter that is triggered but the % absence he has had. They have to send it and speak to you (although you could request a telephone call I suppose to cover the meeting) to show they are tackling absence rates.

For someone like you who their child has been genuinely ill, it will literally just be a process tick box exercise. Yes he was ill, no there was nothing you could do to avoid it. Thank you bye sort of conversation.
But for every you, there will be someone who just keeps their child off for no reason. These are the people they are trying to find and help/support in making sure those children are at school.

I was suggesting that, to the employer, a day off is a day off therefore yet another one for the OP might genuinely something the employer might take issue with, to say nothing of the possibility that the OP might have specific, important work commitments that particular day missing which could be damaging for the employer’s function. Because of this it is a reasonable point to make to the school.

Offer a phone call only.
If THEY can't facilitate that, its on them.
Email the above, you cannot leave work for something that can be dealt with over the phone.
Also include the explanation you have given above for those absences.

I could not be doing with that nonsense! What happens if you ignore it?

I take DS out of secondary school for all sorts of fun pointless stuff and school don’t bat an eyelid.

Mind you, we’re in Ireland and he’s in Transition year having aced his Junior Cert so school won’t care.

I’m taking him to the UK in late April for a week for some work experience with a family member. School positively encouraged it.

He’ll be back on it next year as they prepare for the Leaving Cert.

My dgc was sick on eating her school lunch. Dad was called to get her, absolutely nothing wrong but forced to take her home and follow the two day vomit rule. As child was well, Dad took her to the park where they met a class mate, who had also vomitted the same dinner item. Luckily Dad self employed so was ok but Mum is a nurse on a twelve hour shift, if Dad had been working away that week, Mum would have lost two and a half days from a busy front line NHS job in winter crisis. This is what happens when trained prosessionals in schools are not allowed to use common sense. Child loves school and was not happy.

I also think it's not true that schools are made to send the letters. My children's primary school said this as their defense, but notably the secondary school (which is in the same local authority area has not sent letters) even though my son's attendance is pretty poor this year for various reasons

Our school no longer have the 48 hour rule. As long as they have stopped vomiting in the year allowed back in school

Of course it seems a bit short-sighted really given improbably means that infection spreads more

The DfE are weirdly obsessed with attendance - they've got all these stats showing how a few days of missed school equals thousands of pounds of future earnings, without really explaining how that link works. https://educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2025/08/why-school-attendance-matters-and-what-were-doing-to-improve-it/

An engaged high-achieving child with a few nasty colds or bouts of D&V in a row is not really the child of concern for the school, it's the kid who never comes in on Fridays, and often doesn't make it in on Mondays either, or who is late almost every day. But the computerised targets and policies will kick in regardless.

There's just a trigger point when the % goes over a certain range. Email back to say you're happy to chat but due to work please could this be a phone call or teams meeting.

The attendance pressures come from the local authority as well as Estyn/Ofsted. The LA publish the data in ours and circulate it.

Obvs in your case it all makes sense and it's nothing to be concerned about, it's just how his time being poorly has fallen. Sometimes a change in attendance can indicate something else is going on so systems are in place as a safety net, you've not got anything to worry about but it's helpful to engage with the school in good faith.

When I was in school my dad could only have the 2 weeks off before summer hols
Just needed a holiday form to be signed and off we went.
Similar thing in the 90s/00s when my kids were in school. Just once when it was icy outside and I didnt have a car, we had quite a long walk to school. I rang and said they werent coming in. The school secretary was really snotty saying its not that bad, they csnt be missing school. They were 5 and 6 FFS