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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have lost faith in men

284 replies

nondrinker1985 · 01/02/2026 19:20

As a result of all the Epstein stuff. Having been a victim of a sexual assault as a young child then in my teens and twenties I had a sense of what men were like but my DH is a good man.

Literally everyone is involved in this Epstein stuff- anyone with power. So this makes them exploit young women? It’s sickening - it’s heartbreaking for the young girls who are victims of these men.

OP posts:
Probablyshouldntsay · 02/02/2026 14:47

I understand OP, it seems that for many rich men, once they can afford absolutely anything and everything many times over, decide that the ultimate thrill is torture, rape, killing of young women, children and animals.
These are men at their most educated, most powerful and most rich.
It does force you to wonder whether men are only as ‘good’ as the opportunities that are available to them, and give the chance and (the perceived anonymity) would they continue to be Good.
I have good men in my life, my dad and uncles and brothers are nice people but unfortunately I know many more who are despicable creatures.

Luckyingame · 02/02/2026 14:49

snowlaser · 02/02/2026 13:48

Speaking as a man here, it's pretty offensive to be implicitly lumped in with sex offenders by saying you've "lost faith in men".

The number of men who are involved in sex trafficking compared to the total number of men is tiny.

Some people are bad people. Some of those bad people are men.

But it's crazy to tarnish 50% of the world with that same brush.

That is fine.
I, however, will stick to avoiding all men.
And keeping legal weapons for personal use,
as a trained daughter of a high ranking soldier.
😁

BoredZelda · 02/02/2026 14:51

snowlaser · 02/02/2026 13:48

Speaking as a man here, it's pretty offensive to be implicitly lumped in with sex offenders by saying you've "lost faith in men".

The number of men who are involved in sex trafficking compared to the total number of men is tiny.

Some people are bad people. Some of those bad people are men.

But it's crazy to tarnish 50% of the world with that same brush.

You understand it’s not just about sex trafficking? Because not understanding that is largely why so many have lost faith in men.

canuckup · 02/02/2026 14:52

'Speaking as a man here'

Would it be facetious to ask you to read the room here?

canuckup · 02/02/2026 14:53

And it's pretty offensive is it? To lump you all in the same boat??

If you're offended by that, then it just demonstrates you know nothing about what women suffer.

So take your offensive elsewhere. Perhaps do some good for women? Stand up, defend us??

Oh no. Cos men don't. They only stand up for other men, by keeping quiet.

Real warriors

Greenwitchart · 02/02/2026 14:54

I think I lost my faith in men a long time ago but everytime I am still horrified about how low so many men will go: the Pelicot story and now the Epstein revelations just show how widespread the abuse of women and girls by men is.

I could not care less about those who keep bleating about "not all men".

We have a serious problem in this world with toxic masculinity and men getting away with abuse and that needs to be addressed, not enabled

My life has included a violent and abusive father, being assaulted at school by male pupils and raped by a male "friend". So yes I Don't trust men.

The fact that some women have lovely husbands and sons does not change the fact that male violence against women and girls is endemic.

BoredZelda · 02/02/2026 14:57

Whyarepeople · 02/02/2026 14:31

I long for the day (and it may have happened already and I missed it) when a thread like this starts on MN and a man comes along and says: 'When I read this, I find it hurts my feelings and I have a desire to defend myself, but I understand that in world where women are routinely threatened, assaulted, raped and sold as possessions my feelings of hurt are really not the issue. I don't hurt anyone but I'd really like to see an end to women being hurt. I really care about this.'

I was having dinner in a bar in Glasgow just before Christmas and it was packed with groups of men. There was a women’s protest march went past outside with signs saying “respect women”. Every single group of men watching them through the windows, laughed, jeered and made deeply misogynistic comments. My 16 yo daughter and I shamed them by pointing out what they were doing. And yet supposedly men are too afraid to call out their friends in doing so.

BMW6 · 02/02/2026 15:02

It's not just Rich and Powerful men - the Pelicot case showed how many everyday, working class, FAMILY men actually participated in raping her and how many more didn't BUT knew it was happening and didn't report it to the Police.

Until that case I thought it was a minority of men that would abuse women given a chance. Now I know it's the majority.

If they think they'll get away with it they'll go for it. Sex is everything to them because their primitive instincts overrule decency and morals.

LondonLady1980 · 02/02/2026 15:02

Although I have a wonderful husband, a
lovely dad, uncles, grandads and nephews etc I sometimes feel that there is something within men that is just different and something to potentially to fear in some of them.

I remember being out a few years ago with some of my friends and there was a fight in the street where 4 men beat the absolute shit out of another guy and they eye filled with so much rage and anger, it was truly horrific. It was the most brutal thing I have ever seen. The other guy was unconscious on the floor and the group of 4 were still kicking him and punching him, over and over again, hitting him with some kind of bar…. He was absolutely covered in blood, not moving and they just kept on attacking him. All I could think was, “What runs through their blood that caused them to be able to do that to someone?” It was like looking at a group of feral animals. It was terrifying. It was evil.

I will never, ever forget it.

And yes, I know it’s not all men (blah, blah, blah) but there’s something about men as a group that just makes some of them so different to women in terms of their core nature and their potential (and ability) to be violent and deviant.

Happyjoe · 02/02/2026 15:02

Things seem to be going backwards too, over how women are treated/regarded.
Just this morning there was a story on BBC of grown men going around filming women without their consent while out on the lash. Up-skirting images, any girls with shorts skirts/skimpy clothing. Uploading it on websites for men to view in their millions.
That and the use of AI to derobe photos of women for gratification that also made the news recently. FFS.

I am appalled. It's disgusting. It's not as uncommon as men like to make out either otherwise there wouldn't be a market for this kind of stuff. Same as porn. If it were the minority, nobody would bother.

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:10

The monthly man bashing thread on MN.

It's ridicilous because it isn't all men and some of the agruments otherwise hold no weight.

I know plenty of good, great, fantastic men. Men, who respect women, treat them well and fairly.

Yes, some men are awful. No denying that but it's wrong to extrapoloate that to cover them all.

I know plenty of men absolutely disgusted by Epstein, Pelicot and others. I know men who have stood up for women on multiple occasions. I've seen plenty of men call other men out on shit. A friend intervened to prevent a woman being attached - ended up hospitalised for a week and he still says he'd do it again.

I'm not denying some men are truely horrific. They are but you lose the argument ever single time that all men are lumped together because that's simply not true.

Whyarepeople · 02/02/2026 15:15

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:10

The monthly man bashing thread on MN.

It's ridicilous because it isn't all men and some of the agruments otherwise hold no weight.

I know plenty of good, great, fantastic men. Men, who respect women, treat them well and fairly.

Yes, some men are awful. No denying that but it's wrong to extrapoloate that to cover them all.

I know plenty of men absolutely disgusted by Epstein, Pelicot and others. I know men who have stood up for women on multiple occasions. I've seen plenty of men call other men out on shit. A friend intervened to prevent a woman being attached - ended up hospitalised for a week and he still says he'd do it again.

I'm not denying some men are truely horrific. They are but you lose the argument ever single time that all men are lumped together because that's simply not true.

I am genuinely pleased for you @AwfullyGood - you have faith in men and that's based on positive, real-life experiences. Others don't have the same experience so they're coming at it from another point of view. Do you genuinely think it's just a matter of 'man-bashing'? What would be the purpose of that?

BlackCatDiscoClub · 02/02/2026 15:16

My DH has been digging into stats on who commits crimes to help win arguments against his more Reformy friends. He found in our area 80% of SA were committed by White men. He looked at me and said "Its just men, isn't it, men do these things, thats the common denominator". It feels like men try to pass the buck, oh its not me who does it, its those men over there. Yeah, but what's the connection? What do you have in common with them? Why are so many people like you doing this? And what are you doing to stop them?

ThatBlackCat · 02/02/2026 15:16

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:10

The monthly man bashing thread on MN.

It's ridicilous because it isn't all men and some of the agruments otherwise hold no weight.

I know plenty of good, great, fantastic men. Men, who respect women, treat them well and fairly.

Yes, some men are awful. No denying that but it's wrong to extrapoloate that to cover them all.

I know plenty of men absolutely disgusted by Epstein, Pelicot and others. I know men who have stood up for women on multiple occasions. I've seen plenty of men call other men out on shit. A friend intervened to prevent a woman being attached - ended up hospitalised for a week and he still says he'd do it again.

I'm not denying some men are truely horrific. They are but you lose the argument ever single time that all men are lumped together because that's simply not true.

NO ONE HAS EVER FUCKING SAID IT'S ALL MEN!!!!

Can we please have one, just ONE (1) fucking thread without someone rushing in and screeching NAMALT?!??? Just ONE? Please? Ffs!

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 02/02/2026 15:17

ThatBlackCat · 02/02/2026 15:16

NO ONE HAS EVER FUCKING SAID IT'S ALL MEN!!!!

Can we please have one, just ONE (1) fucking thread without someone rushing in and screeching NAMALT?!??? Just ONE? Please? Ffs!

It’s fucking mental.

Happyjoe · 02/02/2026 15:19

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:10

The monthly man bashing thread on MN.

It's ridicilous because it isn't all men and some of the agruments otherwise hold no weight.

I know plenty of good, great, fantastic men. Men, who respect women, treat them well and fairly.

Yes, some men are awful. No denying that but it's wrong to extrapoloate that to cover them all.

I know plenty of men absolutely disgusted by Epstein, Pelicot and others. I know men who have stood up for women on multiple occasions. I've seen plenty of men call other men out on shit. A friend intervened to prevent a woman being attached - ended up hospitalised for a week and he still says he'd do it again.

I'm not denying some men are truely horrific. They are but you lose the argument ever single time that all men are lumped together because that's simply not true.

Not all men.
But far too many.

asrl78 · 02/02/2026 15:20

snowlaser · 02/02/2026 13:48

Speaking as a man here, it's pretty offensive to be implicitly lumped in with sex offenders by saying you've "lost faith in men".

The number of men who are involved in sex trafficking compared to the total number of men is tiny.

Some people are bad people. Some of those bad people are men.

But it's crazy to tarnish 50% of the world with that same brush.

But it doesn't require thinking so that is what will be done, but I agree, calling men horrific is about as reasonable as calling all women horrific because of Myra Hindley and Rose West. As for collective responsibility, I have no control over anyone else and therefore am not responsible for their actions, I am perfectly happy to condemn actions by either gender that violate my moral principles.

threescoops · 02/02/2026 15:24

I keep thinking about the Gisele Pelicot case and the recent British equivalent. Not just that her husband drugged and raped her for years, but that most of the men in the village queued up to join in. All their families probably thought they were nice normal men. It is disturbing.

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:25

@Whyarepeople It's the sweeping generalisations I have a problem with, not the fact that people have different experiences.

It's the only tolerated sweeping generalisation on this site. If someone said all people of a certain race, religion, colour etc wete all the same. It would be objected to any rightly so.

I also have an issue with the mocking the use of the "Not All Man Brigade". It isn't all men.

ThatBlackCat · 02/02/2026 15:26

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:25

@Whyarepeople It's the sweeping generalisations I have a problem with, not the fact that people have different experiences.

It's the only tolerated sweeping generalisation on this site. If someone said all people of a certain race, religion, colour etc wete all the same. It would be objected to any rightly so.

I also have an issue with the mocking the use of the "Not All Man Brigade". It isn't all men.

NO ONE....HAS....EVER....SAID.....IT....IS.....ALL....MEN.

So your post is not relevant.

Petrolitis · 02/02/2026 15:26

Whyarepeople · 02/02/2026 14:12

Are you aware that your style of arguing is quite rude?

I disagree that we're all just responsible for ourselves and our children. I believe that men feel that way, because it's lazy and it suits them. Women feel responsible for more than that, probably because we're socialised not to be entirely about ourselves.

To be clear when I say responsible, I don't mean answering for other people's crimes, I mean giving a shit and doing something about it.

He doesn't care that he is rude to you, you are only a woman so not a fully formed human like him.

It is quite something to watch him drip with so much privilege and not have a clue just how lucky he is.

Of course women feel responsible for each other as a sex class, we've been conditioned to be kind, to be responsible and to put others first from the day we are born, to try our best to be pretty and interesting and demure and sexy and a great mum and run a lovely home and be a career woman, and good in bed but modest too, otherwise we are asking for it, and what were we thinking being out in the dark, on a train, in a bar, in a hospital, at school, at a job interview surely we knew we were putting ourselves at risk of abuse. And be clever, but not too clever. It not the men's fault if we can't do that now is it? Better the witches that can't conform be burned.

Men do not feel responsible. And like this prize specimen, they would rather tell women that we are mad, or hysterical or have a chip on our shoulders for pointing out the reality that women inhabit and how viewing men as a threatening group is not a choice, it is a survival mechanism. Because many of those men have, want to or will abuse women.

And I will bet you a pound to a penny that this guy coming onto a primarily women's forum to tell us how wrong our lived experience is hasn't done one thing to stop misogyny. He's too much of a coward to stand up to other men. Its far easier to berate women.

It's all our fault after all right?

Deadringer · 02/02/2026 15:27

When something bad happens to women
Men: not all men are like that
When they teenage daughters
Men: I know what men are like.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 02/02/2026 15:28

asrl78 · 02/02/2026 15:20

But it doesn't require thinking so that is what will be done, but I agree, calling men horrific is about as reasonable as calling all women horrific because of Myra Hindley and Rose West. As for collective responsibility, I have no control over anyone else and therefore am not responsible for their actions, I am perfectly happy to condemn actions by either gender that violate my moral principles.

The funny thing is when people try and say ‘what about the women’ it’s always Myra Hindley and Rose West that are mentioned. Why is that? Because they are rare! Hindley’s crimes were in the 60’s, and both had men calling the shots to an extent. Not compatible in the slightest.

Of the sexual and violent crimes that occur, 98% are committed by men. So by sex class, they are more horrific. How is this so difficult to understand.

Whyarepeople · 02/02/2026 15:28

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 15:25

@Whyarepeople It's the sweeping generalisations I have a problem with, not the fact that people have different experiences.

It's the only tolerated sweeping generalisation on this site. If someone said all people of a certain race, religion, colour etc wete all the same. It would be objected to any rightly so.

I also have an issue with the mocking the use of the "Not All Man Brigade". It isn't all men.

Oh you thought people were saying all men are the same?

How did you pick that up? That's a really odd reading of this thread.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 02/02/2026 15:31

I know wonderful men. I also know a man who we thought was wonderful but who is currently doing time for beating a woman so badly she needed metal in her skull. I also know a man who tried to assualt my friend while she was passed out drunk, I caught him doing it. I also know some batshit women, but none of them have SA'd or physically assaulted anyone.

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