To worry this will end up with social services involved

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sorry if this is all over the place its my first post and im really nervous posting on here so please be kind. i didnt sleep much and my head is a mess so apologies in advance.

My DS is 19 months. Yesterday afternoon he bumped his head while with my partner. I wasnt home at the time which is half why I feel so awful about it. From what I was told he tripped and hit it on the corner of the coffee table. There was blood. Not loads like pouring but enough that it was running down his face and soaking a tissue. Partner rang me at 3.42pm and said it wouldnt stop bleeding and DS was screaming so he was taking him to A&E.

They got there about 4ish I think. I met them there later once I could get someone to cover me. By the time I arrived the bleeding had stopped and DS was calmer just very tired and clingy. He had a small cut and a bump but no stitches needed. They cleaned it and said to watch him overnight and sent us home.

This is where my anxiety is coming from and I know how this sounds and maybe im overthinking but my partner apparently had words with the receptionist because he felt they were making him wait too long. He also told the triage nurse he wasnt waiting all night and that it was ridiculous. I didnt see most of this myself but I did see him being quite abrupt when I got there and I could tell staff were frosty. I keep replaying it all and thinking it must look awful. Young child head injury. Mum not there. Dad angry and defensive. I feel sick thinking about it.

I know accidents happen and kids bump their heads all the time and the doctor literally said that. But im now panicking that they will think something else. Or that his behaviour flagged something. Or that because DS is under 2 it automatically gets logged. I cant stop thinking social services are going to get involved and im terrified. I know how dramatic that sounds but im genuinely scared.

Partner says im being ridiculous and that he was just stressed and worried about DS and anyone would be snappy in A&E. I do get that. I also dont want to throw him under the bus because he does love DS and hes normally great. But at the same time I wasnt there and I hate that and I feel like im the one who will get blamed if anything comes of it. I feel guilty for not being there and guilty for even posting this.

Sorry this is long and rambly. I know MN can be blunt so im bracing myself. I just need to know if im being unreasonable worrying this much or if anyone else would be panicking too. Please be honest but gentle if possible.

When my son was young my husband was sitting right next to where Adam was walking and Adam fell and split his lip open. Children fall no matter what. Try not to worry

Your child is under 2. Your health visitor will be asked to check in, just to make sure all are ok.

If anything your health visitor will give you a call- that’s what happens when my daughter attends a&e or the children’s ward.

As for having words, that entirely depends on how he had these words. Did he show signs of aggression, raise his voice or start making a huge scene? A&E is stressful for everyone and sometimes you can become a bit impatient however you can express that without aggression.

For example, 111 sent my daughter to a&e. She had a temp of 40.9, rigors and was delirious, we were triaged within half an hour and by 4am we hadn’t seen a dr. We’d been there long enough that she’d had 2 doses of calpol and a dose of ibuprofen that I’d brought. I said to receptionist that if it was going to be much longer I’d take her home and see GP in the morning as it would then be open. We were assured it wouldn’t be much longer. I went up to speak to them a few more times and by 7:30 am I said I was taking her home where she could properly lay down and be seen by GP within a few hours. She said she’d have to speak with triage nurse on whether that was allowed, I told her I would be taking her home regardless.

Went home, got her seen by GP who then referred to inpatient ward at hospital and it was much quicker. Health visitor called and I spoke her through what happened and she could clearly see that my daughter had been seen by GP and was admitted to the ward. All was good, not once was I rude to them, I was just firm.

I work in a busy hospital. We don’t tolerate abuse but we also understand that as a parent with an injured child and having to wait in an overwhelming environment in a state of panic can cause people to behave differently to how they usually would. It doesn’t excuse rudeness but his behaviour, the fact that it’s dad and not mum plus the injury wouldn’t ring alarm bells for me from the information provided. *Unless this is a regular occurrence, your family were already known to services or you’ve downplayed something in your op.

Btw, you can’t be there all of the time. This could have happened under your watch. Don’t beat yourself up.

Please remember the staff see these things all the time & could probably see that dad was worried sick.

If this is your first concern about DP in the 19 months since your child was born, then I would say don't be overly worried.

As kids get bigger and more mobile, then more bumps occur.

I don't think SS will get involved at this point, it's a relatively minor injury. If there was a pattern of injury when you weren't around, that might raise questions.

Your DPs attitude to NHS staff is not great. If you are lucky, you won't need to visit again, but I had a clumsy, accident prone child with an intermittent health issue that would flare out of the blue, and I pitched up at A&E quite a few times over the years. To the point that I had a bag in the corner of the bedroom containing a phone charger, a book for me, something to keep DS occupied and change for the vending machine and taxi fare home.

The staff are very busy, and do their best, your DP shouldn't have spoken the way he did. Everyone else waiting in the waiting area was equally worried about their child too. It's an explanation as to his behaviour, but it is not an excuse for it.

I work on a paeds assessment unit

if thw staff had worries you wouldn’t have been able to take your little one away from hospital. And social services would have been called and a report put in then.

we do have a duty to tell parents we are referring to social services before we do it, if they didn’t mention social services. Then don’t worry, but because he’s under five the health visitor will be informed.

I had a very arsey grumpy dad shout at me yesterday. After his 2 year old had bumped his head. Didn’t occur to me to refer at all!

I’m glad he’s not violent to either of you.

He needs to work on his anger, it’s unacceptable to talk to anyone like that, let alone healthcare workers who are underpaid and overworked and are only trying to help your son.

Id like to know what his reaction would be if someone spoke to him in the same way. And how he thinks his son is going to be impacted when he hears his dad talk like that when he’s older. Will your husband talk to him like crap too?

No one can say if SS will get in contact. Probably not although an injury and a defensive dad is likely going to raise eyebrows. If they do get in contact, sadly there are so many crap parents and children at significant risk, that your child won’t be a priority and it will likely get shut down unless they find more concerns.

I have taken my child to A&E before due to head injuries. Details of the incidents were recorded, but I was never contacted by a HV or anyone else for that matter. Accidents happen even when you watching your child. You are overthinking it.

Sorry, but it’s not ‘understandable’. The man is an adult and any adult should be able to realize that being rude and angry towards staff who are trying to do their jobs, just isn’t on. It’s perfectly possible to speak to people politely and get the same point across. Aggression is becoming a huge issue for NHS staff and it’s disgraceful for anyone to feel that it’s ok to behave that way, even in very difficult situations.

People are reading way too much into this. Some of the behaviour I’ve seen in A&E towards staff is outrageous. He definitely won’t be the first person to get a little bit pissy and snappy. And it’s a non event that you weren’t there. What do you think single parents do? Or when one parent travels with work? You’re building this up into something it isn’t

Op unless there is more to this then you sound quite anxious. Your dh shouldn't have been grumpy with the staff, it's not their fault. However, sadly I suspect he won't have been the only person to be grumpy abiut the wait times and he won't have been the only stressed parent they will have seen. Also your ds won't have been the only toddler they've seen with a head injury.

My ds is now 16, he is quite clumsy and we have been to A&E more times than I can even remember with head injuries, broken toes, broken finger etc. It has never led social services involvement, or even a health visitor. I expect your dh being a grumpy twat with them won't be a red flag, unless he was aggressive but it doesn't sound like that. They will have just moved on to the next grumpy person in the queue.

I don't think you should make excuses for your partner being rude to receptionists (or any staff in hospital). If he is reading this. Receptionists don't set the clinical guidelines for triage. They don't control how many people attend A&E or what they attend with. They don't decide how many staff there are. They didn't cause your child to fall and need to be seen.

Even if you are annoyed as you may have to wait and are advocating for your child, don't be rude or short tempered to the receptionist. They have come to work to do their job, which is to help you. Morally it would be wrong if your complaining put your child ahead of another in the same situation, just because their parent is rude.

Having said that I highly doubt you have been referred to social services. And even if you have, if you have nothing to hide just be honest with them.

This is sexist bollocks. Perhaps you had children with a useless man, but don't extrapolate to them all. My husband, my brother's, my brother's in law etc are all fantastic fathers.

it’s understandable

No it isn’t. And we need to stop excusing poor behaviour from members of the public just because a&e staff see much much worse. Being frustrated and tired is hard, but don’t take it out on staff. You chose to bring in your child.

Kids trip and bump all the time. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Staff do get frosty if people question their procedures, they are on long shifts.
This won't be the last trip to a and e you do with your son. You have to wait, we have waited for 6 or 7 hours before but they do tend to see kids quickly or at least traige them quickly.
We have two boisturous boys who love to climb and jump and do sports and mess about and we have been in and out of a and e a lot and have never had social services call.
I think they can tell the difference between concerned first time parent to outright arsehole.
Sometimes we have waited so long with a spained ankle/suspected break which is low priority that our child is fine and jumping about by the time we are seen.
The quickest time to be seen was 'arm broken completely in two caused by randomly leaping off a high playground apparatus', and 'accidently swallowed a pen lid depsite being aged 12!' Neither incidents caused a social services call.⁸

The only serious incident with cuts to the head happened for us on my husband’s watch. 12 years later and I still can’t quite forgive him for letting it happen. I was so intensely angry with him - if he had dared to throw his weight around at A+E I would have left him.

Precisely. Many men are just so incredibly shit at safeguarding their children from danger. Not alert enough.

Your partner was very unreasonable to be rude to a and e staff - you have to wait your turn and he would have been triaged to rule out any immediate danger

I would be furious with him!

It depends really doesn't doesn't it. Complaining, being a bit grumpy and a bit rude with staff is not a safeguarding issue. If he was getting aggressive or intimidating then that's another matter. It depends on what "having words with the receptionist" actually means

I see a lot of head/face injuries and it's not unusual for parents to be a bit grumpy or rude to staff if they've been waiting a long. It's not easy sitting with a toddler who's bleeding from their head, and is very stressful. Whilst not acceptable it isn't noteworthy

We attended a&e numerous times with our DS between the ages of 1 and 2. He got croup a lot which always resulted in an a&e trip, plus a handful of more serious illnesses and a couple of accidents. We’ve never had a follow up call from social services although we did from the HV on the first one I think. My DH did his fair share of a&e trips with him and he got very short with the staff on one occasion as DS was going downhill fast and I completely understand the worry that your child is not being seen fast enough.

Sorry but no need to get short you can ask respectfully - you get further that way

What do you mean by " I also dont want to throw him under the bus"?

It sounds like you are asking whether you should tell him to leave.

My son was playing with my husband, fell off our bed, and smacked the back of his head on the wardrobe. We had to take him to A&E, because the cut wouldn't stop bleeding. The cut was glued together, told to keep an eye on him and discharged.

My son was around 4 years old at the time, I think. I had a phone call from the Health Visitor at my GP surgery. Basically asked me what happened and asked how my son was. She explained that the call is nothing to worry about, that the GP surgery is notified by the hospital of the injury. Essentially, it's a safeguarding phone call, making sure all is actually OK.

I don't think you're likely to get a call from SS. A call from them, would be if the hospital would concerned for your child's welfare. However, like me, you could get a call from your GP surgery.