To worry this will end up with social services involved

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sorry if this is all over the place its my first post and im really nervous posting on here so please be kind. i didnt sleep much and my head is a mess so apologies in advance.

My DS is 19 months. Yesterday afternoon he bumped his head while with my partner. I wasnt home at the time which is half why I feel so awful about it. From what I was told he tripped and hit it on the corner of the coffee table. There was blood. Not loads like pouring but enough that it was running down his face and soaking a tissue. Partner rang me at 3.42pm and said it wouldnt stop bleeding and DS was screaming so he was taking him to A&E.

They got there about 4ish I think. I met them there later once I could get someone to cover me. By the time I arrived the bleeding had stopped and DS was calmer just very tired and clingy. He had a small cut and a bump but no stitches needed. They cleaned it and said to watch him overnight and sent us home.

This is where my anxiety is coming from and I know how this sounds and maybe im overthinking but my partner apparently had words with the receptionist because he felt they were making him wait too long. He also told the triage nurse he wasnt waiting all night and that it was ridiculous. I didnt see most of this myself but I did see him being quite abrupt when I got there and I could tell staff were frosty. I keep replaying it all and thinking it must look awful. Young child head injury. Mum not there. Dad angry and defensive. I feel sick thinking about it.

I know accidents happen and kids bump their heads all the time and the doctor literally said that. But im now panicking that they will think something else. Or that his behaviour flagged something. Or that because DS is under 2 it automatically gets logged. I cant stop thinking social services are going to get involved and im terrified. I know how dramatic that sounds but im genuinely scared.

Partner says im being ridiculous and that he was just stressed and worried about DS and anyone would be snappy in A&E. I do get that. I also dont want to throw him under the bus because he does love DS and hes normally great. But at the same time I wasnt there and I hate that and I feel like im the one who will get blamed if anything comes of it. I feel guilty for not being there and guilty for even posting this.

Sorry this is long and rambly. I know MN can be blunt so im bracing myself. I just need to know if im being unreasonable worrying this much or if anyone else would be panicking too. Please be honest but gentle if possible.

OP, glad to hear your baby is ok. Please move on with your day and don't worry.

I recently was in a&e with my partner who was dangerously ill with acute appendicitis and recieved the most abysmal care I could have imagined. Believe me I was pushy and vocal in my requests for him to be seen with more urgency. Your partner was probably acting from the same sort of worry and frustration unless there's a back story that he's a psycho, which your update suggests not.

Im remembering numerous threads where mums (mostly) are sat in A+E getting fobbed off, waiting waiting waiting, cue posts telling OP to ask for this, ask for that, ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD OP, etc etc

Thats obviously not the same as being shitty but that depends on the personality and how people generally express themselves, men are generally seen as aggressive when they're stressed or being assertive. Perhaps he was genuinely aggressive and thats not ok and not good role modelling either but he wait times in A+E are an absolute disgrace, perhaps we shoujld all be getting more angry about that.

If you've ever been to A+E in Italy, anger and aggression aint even the word!!

By the time my DS was 4 yrs old we’d taken him to A/E 4 times due to accidents in the home or playing outside.Injuries included a suspected broken nose( tripped and hit face on coffee table),fingers trapped in a door ( courtesy of his sibling),broken wrist( tripped over own feet)and huge lump on forehead and 2 black eyes( tripped while running). I used to half jokingly say that I would be getting a call from SS but we never did.
Accidents happen .

They’re not calling social services Op. Chill out.

We had similar... fractured elbow, cut eye requiring repair under GA because it had gone through the eyelid muscle, inpatient admission with sepsis from an infected graze (that one was scary) and spiral tibia fracture which meant 8 weeks in a hip to toe cast all within a year. No SS involvement just a run of really fucking bad luck for DS.

His attitude is the thing that might raise a red flag, not the fact that your toddler fell and hurt his head. However, what really matters is that DS is fine, no serious damage done. If SS do contact you, you've got nothing to hide, so there's nothing to worry about.

DP needs to chill out. Being constantly impatient and shouty will give him a stroke or something.

Yes, panic, worry and guilt (even if unfounded) can make people react unusually.

Both times mine injured heads at school it was health visitor and GP and that rang

OP, I doubt SS will be involved for a one-off accident. I took my DD to A and E when she had cut her head falling out of her pushchair when she was little, and they actually asked me if I had been before (I hadn’t). When I queried this, they said they had to keep an eye and if a DC had repeated accidents, it would flag up a concern. Your DC has had one accident, and your DH got cross because he was worried. I wouldn’t give it another thought. I hope your DC is feeling better today.

Nobody cares if it’s the mother or father present at the hospital. One is not more important than the other.

Partner says im being ridiculous and that he was just stressed and worried about DS and anyone would be snappy in A&E

Most people are actually really understanding that the system is broken and that patients need to be prioritised by clinical need. Most people aren’t snappy to doctors/nurses/receptionists etc. You are right to cringe at his behaviour.

You need to get away from this man and yes, I’ve read the update. I grew up with an impatient yet loving, father and I can assure you that people who don’t manage impatience well, also don’t handle their anger or inhibitions well and it always ends up escalating over time into aggression then into violence. Always.

I fell down the stairs carrying my dd when she was 11 months and not walking. She broke her leg. I was convinced SS would be on my case. The nurse practitioner that plastered her leg said that I might get a call but it was unlikely as he had written in her notes that she had no other bruising and was a happy, healthy looking child. She was up to date on her jabs, all developmental check ups had been attended, she was a good weight and generally appeared to be thriving.
I never did get a call but would have been open to it if it had happened as I had nothing to hide.

I’ve been to A&E with quite a few injuries with both my children. I even had to call the police when my abusive ex partner came to my house and was being abusive with my children there. I’ve never once had a call from social services. Never even a follow up. However, a few mums I know have had a call but that was it.

It's absolutely normal to get a follow up call after a visit to A&E with a small child. I had that twice (and the accidents happened under my watch) and it was no biggy either time.

Truthfully and honestly if your partner can be abrupt and loud with the staff and was very defensive what is to say that he didn't do anything to the child now I'm not blaming him but the way you're saying it you also have that thought in your head too. Social services may get involved if the hospital said that your babies dad was abrupt and loud even if they do they can't just take that child away unless he is in great great danger I'm not going to say try not to think too much about it because clearly you're a mother and that's what we. The social services may want to do a follow-up and come out and see your baby's dad and the baby together

I'd be more worried about your child growing up with an angry father.

Valid point. I am asking OP to consider why her worry is so high that it has jumped to Social Services, does her gut tell her to be worried?
Either deep down she has concerns about her partner or her anxiety is an issue and maybe she needs some guidance/support.
I've spent far too many hours in A&E with my kids between their health issues, illness and accidents, but I've never said I wouldn't wait or be rude to the staff. His behaviour was unacceptable. In all the time i have soent in hospital I've only seen one parent behave as OP describes. And if I didn't have doubts about my partner caring for our children before, i would now be mindful now I know he struggles in a crisis. Moving forward if I received that call from him I would possibly change the way I spoke to him- calm him down first so he can support our child in the best way possible (not saying OP didn't do that).

Not ok for him to have been rude but the staff will absolutely understand that parents in A&E are going to be stressed and snappy. They won't report to social services for that.

It might be flagged and you might get a SS visit, as long as there is no red flags and the baby is being cared for by the parents, it’ll be cased closed.
i know a friend years ago got angry and left due to the long wait. They called the next day, saw the child was warm fed and her head had been cleaned and bandaged by mam, that was the end of the visit.
Do you have concerns about your partner’s behaviour otherwise?

Under a certain age its standard for the HV to be informed, we’ve been a few times, one was when I hit our toddler on the head with a radiator. Its standard and nothing to be worriee about. Aggressive verbal behaviour however isn’t normal and really isn’t acceptable.

Don't worry. If SS do become invloved they just want what is safest and best for your child.
The outcome will likely be what's best for your child.

Even if they dislike the aggressive behaviour of your husband, the outcome will be what is best for your child - husband does anger management training etc.

Your DH took him to hospital which was the correct thing to do, he is his parent so it doesn’t matter if you were there or not, I don’t know why this is bothering you. It sounds like he was being a bit of a dick regarding the wait time, but they will probably have experienced far, far worse and in itself is not an indication of being an unfit parent. There would have to be more safeguarding issues surely for them to involve SS.

It’s possible SS may follow up, but if you have nothing to worry about and all in order at home then I wouldn’t worry about it. My 10 month old fell and hit his eyebrow on the edge of a coffee table, I took him in they glued it and there was no follow up, however it was mentioned at the 1 year health visitor check so it had obviously been passed on to them. Your partner is an arse for being like that to the staff though, I would be pissed off if mine acted like that in a children’s a&e department.

Why are you pussyfooting around speaking clearly about/around your husband? You sound almost scared to speak the truth on his behaviour, which actually explains your extreme anxiety. Sometimes anxiety is misdirected and exacerbated by smaller situations. In this case, your fear of your husband kicking off, is making everything else compounded.

I see so many women on here with such low standards and self-respect, raising their tolerance to put up with cowardly males who have 0 respect for them and have 0 grasp on appropriate behaviour as a man. If you're too scared to put your husband right and pull him up on his behaviour, then you need to have a long think....and so does he