To worry this will end up with social services involved

[HavocReap]

sorry if this is all over the place its my first post and im really nervous posting on here so please be kind. i didnt sleep much and my head is a mess so apologies in advance.

My DS is 19 months. Yesterday afternoon he bumped his head while with my partner. I wasnt home at the time which is half why I feel so awful about it. From what I was told he tripped and hit it on the corner of the coffee table. There was blood. Not loads like pouring but enough that it was running down his face and soaking a tissue. Partner rang me at 3.42pm and said it wouldnt stop bleeding and DS was screaming so he was taking him to A&E.

They got there about 4ish I think. I met them there later once I could get someone to cover me. By the time I arrived the bleeding had stopped and DS was calmer just very tired and clingy. He had a small cut and a bump but no stitches needed. They cleaned it and said to watch him overnight and sent us home.

This is where my anxiety is coming from and I know how this sounds and maybe im overthinking but my partner apparently had words with the receptionist because he felt they were making him wait too long. He also told the triage nurse he wasnt waiting all night and that it was ridiculous. I didnt see most of this myself but I did see him being quite abrupt when I got there and I could tell staff were frosty. I keep replaying it all and thinking it must look awful. Young child head injury. Mum not there. Dad angry and defensive. I feel sick thinking about it.

I know accidents happen and kids bump their heads all the time and the doctor literally said that. But im now panicking that they will think something else. Or that his behaviour flagged something. Or that because DS is under 2 it automatically gets logged. I cant stop thinking social services are going to get involved and im terrified. I know how dramatic that sounds but im genuinely scared.

Partner says im being ridiculous and that he was just stressed and worried about DS and anyone would be snappy in A&E. I do get that. I also dont want to throw him under the bus because he does love DS and hes normally great. But at the same time I wasnt there and I hate that and I feel like im the one who will get blamed if anything comes of it. I feel guilty for not being there and guilty for even posting this.

Sorry this is long and rambly. I know MN can be blunt so im bracing myself. I just need to know if im being unreasonable worrying this much or if anyone else would be panicking too. Please be honest but gentle if possible.

The accident could just be an accident. It happened to me, my son bumped his head and needed it glueing back together.

But I was polite and nice to the medics. The rudeness to staff is awful; I would be so embarrassed.

No ‘anyone’ does not get snappy in a&e. It’s not ok to treat healthcare staff like shit.

Everyone wants their child to be seen asap, but it’s not ok to shout at staff.

We wouldn’t do a referral for a bumped head unless we were concerned about the story, it doesn’t add up or match, or the injury doesn’t match what happened. You’re more likely to get a referral for Dad’s behaviour. Depending on how he was. Or he would be asked to leave.

I think this is unlikely to make it to the social care front door. If it happened on a week day you should know if social care will be involved by now - you have to be informed by the medical staff that a referral is being made to social care, unless doing so puts a child at further risk of immediate harm, and in that case, the emergency duty team for your Local Authority (who you pay council tax to) would have made contact. It sounds like you are worried about your partners behaviour. Is there more going on here?

It’s standard practice for the Health Visitor to phone you as a follow up to any trip to A&E with a small child so of that happens some feel singled out or anxious about it.

no Red flags for me. Unless there is a history of DV? History of social services? But from what you’ve said here partner has acted appropriately.. got a little frustrated with worry.. you will
be fine

I remember taking my then-13-month-old to A&E in grubby pyjamas covered in breakfast, with a massive bruise and graze all down her face from where she had fallen the day before, headlong, first time walking in her new shoes up her grandparents' drive. The reason we were there was because her dad had accidentally dislocated one of her elbows playing Row Row Row Your Boat and we didn't know what else to do!

It must have looked awful, and they did ask a few general questions, but nothing further happened. I think you'll be ok. Even if SS did get involved, if there's nothing there, there's nothing there.

She's 11 now and thankfully appears to survived our less than optimal parenting unscathed, despite her dad also accidentally bashing her eye into a car door when she was in a baby backpack, the pair of us losing grip on her during a game of 1, 2, 3, Whee and hurling her into a muddy puddle ... and don't get me started on her younger sister. Garden, raised decking, flagstones and a crawling baby spring to mind. 😒

Accidents happen. It's ok.

If all men are beyond useless at looking after children, it was extremely negligent of you to leave one in charge of your children. Why were you so careless?

I dont think being rude to staff helps anything and ive said that to him. He thinks people on here are being unfair and that he was advocating for DS.

You can advocate without snapping and being stroppy. He had no idea who was there for what and who needed to be seen as a higher priority.

You can advocate for your child without being a twat.

I wouldn't worry about it. Questions will be asked but it won't come to anything. His behaviour is the same as most dads who have no patience and finding sitting in a hospital for house a waste of time. Whereas most mums would wait for a week of they had to just to make sure their baby is ok. Honestly, you can stop stressing.

Hours*

Yeah, him saying 'I'm not waiting here all night..' doesn't sound like he's thinking about DC, it sounds like he wants to get back to whatever he was doing and it's a big inconvenience for him.

If he was really concerned he'd be saying 'please tell me how much longer, I'm really worried he might be concussed etc..'

So he didn't give a very good impression.

Don't worry! Social services don't have the resources to bother about a single visit to A and E for a bumped head. Yes, your DH shouldn't have been arsey with the staff, it's not their fault there are delays but the staff won't make a referral due to an arsey dad. The fact he took the child to A and E counts in his favour as it shows he didn't have anything to hide. It's the kids with new and old bruises and scars with no medical history that really raise alarms.

It's fine. There are special corner things you can put on table corners precisely because toddler will make a habit of crashing into them.

Stop fretting!

It’s obvious you are over-worrying @HavocReap. I’d say it is quite likely/possible you will get a call from the health visitor. I’ve had one myself following an A&E visit. It was fine, they asked a few questions, gave a bit of cursory advice and that was the end of that. This happens literally all the time to toddlers.

Only you know whether there are bigger issues with your husband.

This. He's an idiot.

Accidents happen in a blink of an eye, it’s not unusual for a small child to run into the corner of a table etc even when closely watched.
People react to stress in different ways, I remember sitting for hours with a 14 month old who was poorly after being triaged. I’m sure I wasn’t at my best by the time we were seen, I was tired, overwhelmed and worried, I like to think I’m pretty patient and polite but I was definitely running on empty.
If you’ve nothing to hide then I wouldn’t worry, I took my now 13 year old to the Dr’s as a toddler because he had climbed and fallen off the window sill and had the start of a black eye where he had landed on a duplo block.
The Dr said it was amazing how quickly they could get into mischief and the fact that I was there panicking showed he was well looked after.
I learnt not to keep his little chair in the same room unsupervised after that, but we’ve all been there!
If your DH is snappy when stressed then that is something that he needs to recognise and try and improve, because it does come across badly to the people that are trying their best to help.

I moved the tv and DD’s finger got trapped under it for a second, there was blood but no permanent damage, she had just turned two and I felt terrible. It didn’t require A&E, thank god but I did question my parenting for a long time after. Fast forward and now DD’s 18 and has no memory of it but me saying no to her having a Nintendo DS when she was 5, 6 and 7, apparently still stings. If SS or a health visitor does contact you remember that’s a good thing, there are systems in place that follows up when accidents happens. It doesn’t mean you or your partner are bad parents. Try to relax.

Take a very deep breath, you have spiralled a lot here. We’ve been to A&E a fair few times for accidents with our DC and never had SS or a HV check in.

everything will be fine. DH needs to be way more patient and polite though, even when he’s stressed and worried.

Whilst your DH's behaviour in A&E wasn't great, I guarantee he isn't the first or last snappy frustrated parent to be there and I also guarantee his behaviour wasn't anywhere near the worst they've had to deal with. I wouldn't worry about it but would say for him to deal with his frustration better in the future.

Mu 3 yr iod went to nursery with a bump on his head and told his teacher when asked a man outside did it 🙈 ss where called came out everything was fine he'd actually banged it on the bunk bed .
The next day he fell of the couch and number the other side 😩 went to a and e explained and everything was fine as wasn't called again ,,I doubt they will be called in about this op ,, and it's only ever routine anyway if they are .
Hospital are the worst place to be especially with a distressed child ,,,I've seen one mum in tears in a waiting room as little on played up ,,I'm sure they are impatient parents all the time ,,we are human beings and frustration is a normal emotion .

Hi,.my daughter bumped her head on our coffee table when she was about 10 months old (coffee table was covered by cushions but she dived over them and hit her head) Her head wouldn't stop bleeding and had to take her to hospital. She was given stitches felt awful but never received any social worker or visit because of it.

Your partner behaved in a rude and entitled way to expert medical staff. He was a dick, but you DC had an accident. Not enough for social services I’d say.

This - we had 2 follow up calls with HV when child had a head injury. They said it automatically gets referred to them. If you’re honest and transparent then there’s nothing to worry about! Hope he’s okay x

I shouldn't worry too much about being referred to social services though it can feel scary. Often hospital staff do it when children have accidents and it's good that they do. My DS fell behind a sofa and slightly burned his leg on a hot radiator when he was about 18 months. That day I had pulled the sofa away from the radiator to clean behind and didn't push it back all the way and this coincided with the first time he climbed up the sofa when I turned my back. I took him to hospital straight away and the staff told me they may decide to refer this to social services which they did, they rang me up and decided there was no issue. My point is that it's just one of those things, kids have accidents but they need to ensure your child is safe.
It obviously didn't help that your partner was rude with the staff and he needs to know that this is really shitty and unacceptable behaviour.

You have mentioned twice that 'you weren't there' and how that looks. There is absolutely no reason ss would be concerned that a child was with a safe adult who is not mum. He is the dad and therfore equally responsible. Unless there is some underlying reason you don't trust dh you need to give yourself some slack. Dad's are equal parents, you are not some how a bad mum because your son was left with his dad!