To worry this will end up with social services involved

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sorry if this is all over the place its my first post and im really nervous posting on here so please be kind. i didnt sleep much and my head is a mess so apologies in advance.

My DS is 19 months. Yesterday afternoon he bumped his head while with my partner. I wasnt home at the time which is half why I feel so awful about it. From what I was told he tripped and hit it on the corner of the coffee table. There was blood. Not loads like pouring but enough that it was running down his face and soaking a tissue. Partner rang me at 3.42pm and said it wouldnt stop bleeding and DS was screaming so he was taking him to A&E.

They got there about 4ish I think. I met them there later once I could get someone to cover me. By the time I arrived the bleeding had stopped and DS was calmer just very tired and clingy. He had a small cut and a bump but no stitches needed. They cleaned it and said to watch him overnight and sent us home.

This is where my anxiety is coming from and I know how this sounds and maybe im overthinking but my partner apparently had words with the receptionist because he felt they were making him wait too long. He also told the triage nurse he wasnt waiting all night and that it was ridiculous. I didnt see most of this myself but I did see him being quite abrupt when I got there and I could tell staff were frosty. I keep replaying it all and thinking it must look awful. Young child head injury. Mum not there. Dad angry and defensive. I feel sick thinking about it.

I know accidents happen and kids bump their heads all the time and the doctor literally said that. But im now panicking that they will think something else. Or that his behaviour flagged something. Or that because DS is under 2 it automatically gets logged. I cant stop thinking social services are going to get involved and im terrified. I know how dramatic that sounds but im genuinely scared.

Partner says im being ridiculous and that he was just stressed and worried about DS and anyone would be snappy in A&E. I do get that. I also dont want to throw him under the bus because he does love DS and hes normally great. But at the same time I wasnt there and I hate that and I feel like im the one who will get blamed if anything comes of it. I feel guilty for not being there and guilty for even posting this.

Sorry this is long and rambly. I know MN can be blunt so im bracing myself. I just need to know if im being unreasonable worrying this much or if anyone else would be panicking too. Please be honest but gentle if possible.

Im going to answer honestly because its anonymous and thats why I posted. He is DS dad yes. No diagnosed anger issues or anything like that but he can be snappy and defensive when stressed and doesnt always think before he speaks. Hes not violent. Hes never hurt DS. I want to be clear on that because some replies feel like they are reading a lot into it. But yes he does get impatient and that is something we argue about.

He was watching DS. He wasnt on his phone or out the room or anything like that. He was literally right there and DS tripped. It happened really fast. I know people are saying why wouldnt he wait all night and I get that but what he meant (badly worded I know) was that if they were going to say its fine then he didnt want DS sat there for hours overtired and distressed. He wasnt saying hed leave him untreated. I wasnt there so I cant fully explain it and thats part of why im spiralling.

I dont think being rude to staff helps anything and ive said that to him. He thinks people on here are being unfair and that he was advocating for DS. I can see both sides but I also cringe thinking about how it looked. Thats where my worry is coming from. Not that DS fell because kids do fall. Its the whole picture together and me not being there.

To the social services stuff. I think reading replies has helped a bit. I didnt know HVs sometimes get notified anyway so if that happens I will deal with it. Theres nothing to hide. House is fine. DS is happy and loved. I think a lot of this is guilt because I wasnt there and now I cant stop imagining worst case scenarios. I know that sounds dramatic.

Im not ignoring the comments about his behaviour. I am taking that on board. But I also dont think this is some huge dark thing. It was a stressful situation handled badly. Im asking if im being unreasonable worrying this much about SS specifically. Im not saying hes perfect. Im saying im scared and overtired and probably catastrophising.

Men are wank at childcare in my experience. I do the school run 10 x a week and have done for 18 months and the worst thing that has happened is one of them stood in dog poo. My OH did the school run once (so I could work) last week and one of our children slipped and hurt his back. WTF? They are beyond useless. I think you’ll get a call very shortly if they refer to SS, my instinct is they won’t if it’s an isolated incident and your child is at an age where this type of injury is likely to occur (walking with sharp objects at head height) I really wouldn’t worry (easier said than done) because you’ve nothing to hide so it would likely be a few questions and then case closed. As your children get older you do begins to realise that the old ‘better to be safe than sorry’ doesn’t always apply. For example in future if you can stop bleeding and the child is alert and well and isn’t sick or falling asleep then you might want to
wait a little bit before deciding whether to go to A&E. The wait times are horrendous and stressful for everyone and aren’t always needed (as in this case) I’m not criticising him in any way for taking him. I was at A&E a lot with my eldest and did get a SS call because there were a lot of banged heads, I was probably a bit over cautious in hindsight and with my younger ones I do a bit of observation before deciding what action to take.

DS2 went through a period of being accident-prone & it seemed like we were in A&E every month for about 6 months. A chicken pox spot went septic, tripped & cut his head on a table, broke his leg while playing in the playground at school, fell & cut his lip while playing in the garden, dislocated a finger playing football (he was in goal). All while being supervised. Accidents happen.

Ive been tetchy at a&e with sick or injured young children before, it cant be unusual.

I also remember stressing about social services after you visit with a baby/ toddler.

Dont worry op, all is well and it'll be fine.

This type of childhood accident won’t trigger SS involvement. Children this age are always falling over, unfortunately! Maybe a call to check that all is well. But…I’ve just re-read your op, and I may be wrong, but it sounds like you may have your own doubts that it was an accident. Do you? Has your child ever sustained injuries before, when your partner has been in sole charge? Not suggesting at all that this is the case - as pp have said, most parents end up in A&E at some point, often for worse accidents than your ds’s - but it’s just that you sound in your post like you’re wondering if you should have left your ds with your partner.

You don't have to feel guilty because you weren't there. It sounds like the accident would probably have happened even if you were, and mothers are perfectly entitled to go out sometimes.

Why are you terrified of social services getting involved if there is nothing to hide? They may get a referral and they may or may not decide to follow it up, but if you are confident that DS is well cared for and that you and DH are good parents and that there is no abuse there is nothing to worry about. Kids do fall and hurt themselves all the time so in itself the injury won’t warrant involvement with social services beyond maybe a check-in with the family, unless there are other issues they are going to find if it does warrant a visit there is nothing to worry about.

I can't say if social services will be involved my guess is likely not but this shows how ur partner can't cope under pressure. If he was made to wait irs based on triage so obviously no offense more sick or injured children than your own or perhaps were waiting for a consultant review. One thing I can't tolerate is ignorant or narky behaviour to Healthcare workers who are only trying their best. Maybe he needs to look at the big picture here does he break down or snap under stress or pressure. On a side note my dc fell forward off a push toy went over the bars only a wee tiny thing but sustained bleeding and a black eye/nose. Nothing became of it i took them to get checked out as I had nothing to hide and wanted it documented to show that. Never heard from anyone since I think wirh nursery I just signed a form confirming I had sought medical advice and that was it no social worker etc

It will get logged but I doubt they will contact you - unfortunately I have had social services follow me up after my eldest burnt himself in a freak accident & the nurse was very very suspiscious of me and told me off a lot and reported it, they called me twice but were satisfied it was an accident. so don't stress out too much, even if they do get in touch, they won't take your child or anything like that - kids have accidents often but sometimes they do have to check. i am more concerned about why you're so worried about them contacting you, is everything ok at home?

Yanbu. His attitude is exactly what would raise a concern more than the injury. It’s not advocating for your child in an ED because they are caring and triaging for all and everyone needs to be seen on life threatening priority with children being given as much of a higher priority as possible without harming others. He will not have improved your child’s care in any way. I have escalated parental concerns in an ED before with this sort of behaviour and asked for SS review. It only needs a check to ensure there are no needs at home that ca. be supported to improve the child’s experience and the parenting style. It’s not a concern that would lead to more serious actions unless something else was found during their investigation so I really wouldnt worry. If it does get escalated it will be entirely supportive to make sure your husband is coping and knows how to parent appropriately. It’s nothing to worry about. It sounds like he may benefit from some input.

I know a few social workers op, this might be logged somewhere but nothing will happen. The threshold for getting involved with a family is quite high (in spite of what tv drama's would have people believe.)
If your child wasn't old enough to have bumped their head by themselves it would be much more worrying. A worried stressed out parent badgering the nurses might also be better than a nonchalant one.
If things keep happening it will show a pattern.

I dont think you can judge all men because you chose to marry a useless one.

I think it's very unlikely that social services will see this as anything other than an accident.

But I am so, so sick of people like your partner treating hospital staff like this. Its not OK. Yes, he was worried about his child but so is every parent in A&E. He needs to act like a mature, sensible adult and learn to control his emotions.

Where did you get from the OP that she worries its not an accident?

I’ve been to A&E with a toddler over a couple of accidents that could, on the face of it, have raised an alarm and never received a HV call or anything similar.

Try not to worry too much. Head wounds always bleed a lot, they lol much scarier than they are usually are. DH was stressed and badgering for answers for his child - not the best reaction but not at all unusual. Yo can't be with you kids 24/7 - and even if you were these things happen. Take a breath, relax and give little one a cuddle.

I have 3 boys. I have a friend who is a social worker. It’s well known that mums of boys spend time in a&e.

For future visits, and there will be more, tell your partner that patients are seen in order of priority, waiting is a good thing. Trust me it does not feel good to go to a&e with your child and be called even before your seat has had a chance to get warm!

Your partner didn’t show his best side but it doesn’t sound like anything that would flag interest. You’ll both know next time to take food, drink and something to entertain a toddler.

For today, you all need to take it easy and relax.

Don't beat yourself up about it. If everything is ok, and SS get involved they will see that. If you have suspicions, time to really pay attention.

Get ahead of it happening again by childproofing your home. Yes, they are ugly, but those corner buffer things are brilliant, etc etc.

Kid falling over and hitting his head - absolutely normal

Going to A&E - right choice, responsible parenting

You been at work - totally normal, won't be a problem

Partner being rude to staff - not ideal or helpful

Partner being 'snappy when stressed' to the extent you argue over it - definitely not great, and more of a concern then anything that happened related to the bumped head.

Overall, SS won't care at all about the incident. They might be notified and call you to check, but it's unlikely to go further.

You're partner needs to work on their anger, and if they refuse to do so, you need to consider if the relationship is a good environment to be raising your DS. It's only a matter of time before he's the one causing 'stress' and getting snapped at.

Wow massive generalisation.

your first sentence is such utter bollocks that i cba to reply to the rest.

Wind your neck in.

Stop stressing that it looks bad that you weren't there. The child was with their dad, that's fine, no one actually expects a child to be when mum 24/7 or considers it neglect or a red flag if they're not.

As precious posters have said health visitors are informed as a matter of corse .I was a nurse and although no body likes being shouted at we understand that parents worried about kids dont behave like there best self's and that kids have accidents .my own son had plenty. Please stop worrying.

Social services are overwhelmed and under resourced, OP. They’re not looking to investigate the circumstances of every single child who turns up with a minor injury and a stressed parent, so please try to stop worrying.

And even if they do get involved, all they are doing is safeguarding your baby, not looking to punish or penalise you or take him away. When he was 3, my DS had a string of falls and injuries within a 6 month period that required multiple hospital visits (undiagnosed ADHD - at the time I was run ragged and felt like I needed 8 arms, lightning reflexes and eyes in the back of my head just to keep hold of him).

We were asked to go in for a ‘developmental assessment’ or something along those lines. Basically a lady with a clipboard chatted with me for half an hour, watched DS playing and me interacting with him, then said “that’s all lovely, thanks very much”. It wasn’t scary or worrying, and it’s brilliant to know there’s a safety net for vulnerable children.

I’m not sure if things have changed as my children are now 9 & 11 but when I took them to A&E with head bumps & a fracture (separate incidents) it didn’t result in involvement from social services.
I’m going against the grain here but I don’t even think it’s that bad if your partner was a bit snappy.
It’s stressful having a little one injured / ill in A&E.
I snapped at a doctor when my youngest was seriously ill, but he actually apologised to me as I think he realised his ‘bedside manner’ wasn’t very good & he’d been quite dismissive.
I’m not a confrontational person and work in safeguarding myself so I don’t agree with unnecessary aggression against medical professionals or any professionals, but I think they are used to dealing with people being stressed & not at ‘their best’.