Page 11 | Partners selfish schedule or me being a princes

Zerosleep · 01/02/2026 20:25

This as exactly like my ex DH behaved. Ultimately he wanted to be single and selfish.

DreamTheMoors · 01/02/2026 20:35

MyGentleOliveUser · 31/01/2026 10:58

It’s the length of time more than anything that annoys me and the vagueness when I ask when he’s back.

He does damage control when he knows I’ve had enough and will organise days like today, but it never lasts.

The use of video games and the time his brother spends at our house just compounds it all and makes me feel like I’m living with a teenager

Teenagers do not have this much control over their own lives.

Your husband should be reminding you of a single dude, fancy free, with a bitchy girlfriend always complaining about the time he spends away from her.

He is your HUSBAND. He needs to act like it or you need to make arrangements to make him your EX-HUSBAND.

CharlieEffie · 01/02/2026 20:44

If my partner was spending 0 time with me (or our child) and than was creeping into bed at those time waking me up for sex id be telling him exactly where to get off

Nezukokamado · 01/02/2026 20:50

he's living the single life, you are allowing it

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 01/02/2026 21:09

Sounds awful OP. Sounds like you might be happier single

chunkyBoo · 01/02/2026 21:16

He’d be sleeping in the spare room if he tried to be that selfish in my house … totally unreasonable of him - he’s not being appreciative of, or towards you

NoodleHorses · 01/02/2026 21:33

He is acting as a single man, lodging with someone he gets fed by and sex from. I don’t think you are being a princess.
I think that, in his mind, that you and your DC are nothing to do with him. As much as I don’t like to suggest a parting of the ways, I think that your life would be improved.

JackGrealishsCalves · 01/02/2026 21:49

So as the OP has gone awol it is likely one of two scenarios.

Is was a work of fiction.
The OP didn't meet her sister, sat waiting for her man to come home, they went out for a couple of hours and now all is forgiven as they had "couple time". Likely we'll get a similar tale of woe the next time it happens

catlover123456789 · 01/02/2026 21:57

I'm waiting for the update post where op confirms she not only does all the parenting, but also does all the housework, gardening, and is the main breadwinner.

He needs to go.

Amybelle88 · 01/02/2026 22:11

Your poor child doesn’t get any time factored in by the looks of it.

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAgain · 01/02/2026 22:13

MyGentleOliveUser · 31/01/2026 10:58

It’s the length of time more than anything that annoys me and the vagueness when I ask when he’s back.

He does damage control when he knows I’ve had enough and will organise days like today, but it never lasts.

The use of video games and the time his brother spends at our house just compounds it all and makes me feel like I’m living with a teenager

You're living with a permanent bachelor

Petitcha · 01/02/2026 23:31

CharlieEffie · 01/02/2026 20:44

If my partner was spending 0 time with me (or our child) and than was creeping into bed at those time waking me up for sex id be telling him exactly where to get off

Imagine how low your bar has to be to allow yourself be used like that?
So sad.
Poor child in the middle of it.

ItWasTheRightThing · 01/02/2026 23:47

BustyLaRoux · 01/02/2026 11:30

How believably selfish. Men like this boil my piss. I divorced my exDH because of stuff like this. He went to the gym twice a day! Before and after work. Leaving me to get the kids up and dressed and off to school. In the evenings I would have to pick them up from after school club, feed them and clean up. If he came home while I was bathing them and saw some mess in the kitchen he would ignore it. I’d ask if he could tidy up the kids dinner stuff (as I was doing the bathtime) and he would shrug and say no as it wasn’t his mess!!!

I did point out numerous times that twice a day at the gym and leaving all this to me this was unfair, but he would say things like the gym didn’t count as leisure time as he didn’t enjoy going. He only went to maintain his health and me trying to curb his gym time was akin to me wishing he would die young!!!! Even asking “do you want me to die young?!”

He also played football one evening a week. Lifted weights at home (no one allowed in the bedroom while he was doing this. If I entered I would be barked at to get out and stop interrupting him!). He would also see friends every other weekend. But unlike me (if I went out it was at 8pm after the kids had gone to bed and I would be home at 11.30 so I could get a decent sleep, knowing it would be me who did the Sunday morning get up while he had a lie in) But when he went out this would involve him leaving the house at 5pm (so no support making the kids’ dinner, clearing up, bathing them or putting them to bed). And he would get home at 1am, stinking of booze and waking me up. Then he would need a lie in on Sunday until 11am. Then he would shuffle about in the dressing gown of doom for a bit making ufffftt noises, before running himself a bath and locking himself in the bathroom (our only toilet in the house) for an hour and a half and then getting v cross should any one of us need to come in and use the loo! He also liked to watch his footie team on TV at the weekend and would insist no one came into the lounge to disturb him during this time.

It was all his time to do with as he wished, and often blocking rooms in our house from use by anyone else as he got very shitty about being disturbed.

I was so angry at him all the time the very last thing I wanted was sex. But he couldn’t see why his behaviour made me not want to be near him. His selfishness gave me the ick! He would complain regularly that we didn’t have enough sex and insisted we aim for a minimum of once a week (and that was him being generous apparently as really it ought to have been more!!!!)

I had enough. I left. He suggested counselling but I was fucking done by then.

Your DP sounds on about the same level as mine was. I don’t know if he does much parenting (where would he have time for that?!) but he sounds incredibly selfish. Women are just there to facilitate these men to enjoy their best life. Any parenting or family time is seen as a favour to us. A sign of what a great guy they are! Our relationship became completely transactional. If I wanted time for myself he said all I needed to do was book it in with him!! But I wanted down time when I needed it (not pre booked around his schedule!), flexibility, to be a team, to have a voice.

Funny that when we split up and he got his own house and now we share the DC 50:50 he complains about being run ragged (now that he’s doing half of everything). I, on the other hand, find myself with so much more time on my hands! How funny that to him 50% of the labour is being run ragged and yet the same 50% feels, to me, like a luxury! A sign of just how little he did. I should say he also has a cleaner and child care once a week from his parents. And he’s still “run ragged”!

These men are like teenagers who refuse to grow up. They want a housemaid but also sexy partner on tap. They want to hang with their mates, take up all these hobbies, be active and sociable and live their best life and have sex when the want, but all the time there is a woman behind them propping this life up because they get to come home to a clean house, food in the fridge, a cared for child/ren and they swan in and out and occasionally throw some crumbs to evidence they’re a great partner/dad.

They need to fucking grow up and take responsibility. And now I am riled up and ranting because writing this has reminded me of the life I had!!!

My advice: Bin!!!!

Edited

Oh my god, were we married to the same man?! 🤣🤣🤣

nothanks2026 · 01/02/2026 23:53

MyGentleOliveUser · 31/01/2026 11:16

His brother has just moved back to our city after living abroad for 3 years. His attitude is atrocious to his girlfriend and I’m starting to think this has influenced Dp.

For example, I’ve overheard phone calls where he’s said along the lines of, just come on the game she’s not your mum, why can’t she drive herself to the doctors, you’re allowed downtime.

So maybe it runs in the family. I’m just so sick of it. I feel like I’m begging for the bare minimum every day. And when he does spend time with me it feels like he’s just doing it to keep the peace.

No, DP is just a selfish pig, all off his own back. He's choosing to allow this man to denigrate you and he's choosing to mimic him.

So when are you throwing the cock lodger out?

ItWasTheRightThing · 02/02/2026 00:04

So we’ve not heard back and I understand it can be really overwhelming when you see all these responses, and you don’t quite know what to say or do.

But please, don’t allow a ‘nice afternoon out’ to cloud your judgement, if that is indeed what he’s somehow managed to offer.

Many of us in the thread have been there and done that and gotten to the point we’ve said no more.

Get up some strength and some courage and tell him how unhappy you are. Tell him it’s not working.

yes, it will be shit in the short term going through a split, but it will be 100% worth it in the long run, to start having a happy life, and perhaps find someone who values you, wants to spend time with you, and cares about your happiness.

Good luck, I wish you all the best in getting out of this shit situation.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/02/2026 00:42

He’s living like a single man. Of course he can’t have sex ehen
he comes to bed at 1am and you’re up at 5am
to do yoga and the school run. Let him
sleep in his video gaming room. He’s so selfish.

BlackCoffeeAndSugar · 02/02/2026 06:05

C152 · 31/01/2026 11:24

It sounds like you're flatmates rather than partners. When, in amongst work and his multiple hobbies, does he ever do any parenting? I'd be discussing how you feel a partnership should work and what needs to change for you both to be happy. If he's not willing to have the discussion and meet you half way, that's really your answer.

Except he's expecting sex at 1am after hid games. Vile

Gherkinslice · 02/02/2026 06:40

Agrumpyknitter · 31/01/2026 10:47

Ask him how he will fit in all these hobbies if you split up due to living essentially separate lives? It does sound like he’s checked out of family life by escaping every evening.

I think he would just carry on as he is, he won't see the kids anymore than he does now! In fact he would probably step his hobbies up even more. And OP will have even less opportunity to do anything as she will be on her own with the kids. Unless she has other help.

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 02/02/2026 06:44

His schedule is full on with me-time. He has not set aside family time nor time with you nor to help you out. Looking at his schedule, it looks like he is living his teenager life. Sorry for everything you have to do alone. You really need to sit down and speak to him about changes he needs to make. He needs to give up some of his hobbies for a start.

LostAlice · 02/02/2026 08:20

MyGentleOliveUser · 31/01/2026 10:41

Ok so DP and me have been arguing for at least 3 months about his schedule. He’s got numerous hobbies and is always taking up new hobbies without any consideration for his family or me.

ive told him I need at least some time together as a couple that’s not just watching Netflix when he finishes his activities for the day or sex.

This ends in rows about how he wants to live his life, he lives with me so time is spent eating together, sleeping together…

he’s got 3 main hobbies, and has just picked up a fourth. There’s not one day he’s not doing anything hobby related.

I do yoga at 6am on Mondays and thursdays so I’m back in time for school run and then work. I go running on Saturday evenings (if he’s not decided he’s doing something else). I see my friends regularly. I’m not exactly just sitting waiting around for him.

He’s recently decided he’s rejoining a rugby club. I’ve asked how he’s going to fit this in with his other hobbies, he said he’ll make it work.

What he’s done this week:

Monday: did running club until 8pm. Came back, played on his video games until 11pm

Tuesday: did climbing at local depot with his brother until 10pm

Wednesday: Rugby “training” 7-9pm. Back home around 10 after going for a drink. Back on video games until midnight

Thursday: Arranged to go to a VR simulation experience with his brother and friends. Back home around 1am.

Friday: watched a movie alone in his gaming room. Reluctantly watched a movie with me. Brother came over for 3 hours and they sit and chatted in the kitchen.

todays our first day in 12 months that it’s just us 2, DS (7) has gone with my brother and his wife and kids to an adventure place in the midlands. They left around 9 and (all being well and if he wants to still do this) DS is sleeping over at their house.

DP said he was going to “plan a day for us”. Well I get up, get ready and come down to see him putting on his climbing gear. Ask where he’s going, said he’s going to the open climb for advanced climbers this morning. I asked him why he said he wasn’t going yesterday and he said he needed to go today as there’s a coach (does climbing have coaches?) there who’s really good and it’ll help him a lot. I ask what time he’s back. Says he doesn’t know, but “before 230”.

Tomorrow he’s out 8-2 again because he’s going to do a hike with his running club.

im exhausted trying to make this work. Maybe we’re not compatible? I honestly feel at times he’s making my life worse because his activities means he’s usually getting into bed 12/1/2 and it’s affecting my sleep. Obviously he also wants sex during these hours but I don’t feel the closeness to even enjoy that with him. I honestly feel like a handmaiden waiting for his schedule and honestly his attention.

aibu to just make my own plans today? My sister has called and asked me to go for a coffee. I know DP will start an argument if I do that, because of today’s “plan”. But I’ve no idea when he’s back and I’m sick of waiting around like a lap dog

I would come up with new hobbies for myself and schedule them in his free time allocated for you.
Yes, I am evil.

budlea64 · 02/02/2026 09:13

I don't know why you are still with this self centred prat.
I wouldn't put up with it. He would be gone.

Doone22 · 02/02/2026 10:14

There's nothing wrong with him having hobbies to the exclusion of all else in his life but if he lives with you does that mean he does cooking, cleaning, looking after kids as well because it really sounds like he's got a cushy number where he gets everything and gives nothing.
This will not change.
Why do you live with him?

Blueytwo · 02/02/2026 16:56

You’re married to a teenager who gets food, sex and no responsibilities. What are you getting out of this relationship? Enough to make it worthwhile? You’re not a princess: no glass slipper for you Cinderella!

Mackerelfillets · 02/02/2026 20:01

I'm sorry OP but this is not a normal relationship, you know you are not a Princess. I don't need to tell you he's a complete selfish prick. He's living like the single person he will certainly end up having. You need a proper talk. He will sulk like a petulant child, stamp his feet. Let him move in with his brother.

Nantescalling · 18/04/2026 14:54