Partners selfish schedule or me being a princes

[MyGentleOliveUser]

Ok so DP and me have been arguing for at least 3 months about his schedule. He’s got numerous hobbies and is always taking up new hobbies without any consideration for his family or me.

ive told him I need at least some time together as a couple that’s not just watching Netflix when he finishes his activities for the day or sex.

This ends in rows about how he wants to live his life, he lives with me so time is spent eating together, sleeping together…

he’s got 3 main hobbies, and has just picked up a fourth. There’s not one day he’s not doing anything hobby related.

I do yoga at 6am on Mondays and thursdays so I’m back in time for school run and then work. I go running on Saturday evenings (if he’s not decided he’s doing something else). I see my friends regularly. I’m not exactly just sitting waiting around for him.

He’s recently decided he’s rejoining a rugby club. I’ve asked how he’s going to fit this in with his other hobbies, he said he’ll make it work.

What he’s done this week:

Monday: did running club until 8pm. Came back, played on his video games until 11pm

Tuesday: did climbing at local depot with his brother until 10pm

Wednesday: Rugby “training” 7-9pm. Back home around 10 after going for a drink. Back on video games until midnight

Thursday: Arranged to go to a VR simulation experience with his brother and friends. Back home around 1am.

Friday: watched a movie alone in his gaming room. Reluctantly watched a movie with me. Brother came over for 3 hours and they sit and chatted in the kitchen.

todays our first day in 12 months that it’s just us 2, DS (7) has gone with my brother and his wife and kids to an adventure place in the midlands. They left around 9 and (all being well and if he wants to still do this) DS is sleeping over at their house.

DP said he was going to “plan a day for us”. Well I get up, get ready and come down to see him putting on his climbing gear. Ask where he’s going, said he’s going to the open climb for advanced climbers this morning. I asked him why he said he wasn’t going yesterday and he said he needed to go today as there’s a coach (does climbing have coaches?) there who’s really good and it’ll help him a lot. I ask what time he’s back. Says he doesn’t know, but “before 230”.

Tomorrow he’s out 8-2 again because he’s going to do a hike with his running club.

im exhausted trying to make this work. Maybe we’re not compatible? I honestly feel at times he’s making my life worse because his activities means he’s usually getting into bed 12/1/2 and it’s affecting my sleep. Obviously he also wants sex during these hours but I don’t feel the closeness to even enjoy that with him. I honestly feel like a handmaiden waiting for his schedule and honestly his attention.

aibu to just make my own plans today? My sister has called and asked me to go for a coffee. I know DP will start an argument if I do that, because of today’s “plan”. But I’ve no idea when he’s back and I’m sick of waiting around like a lap dog

I REALLY hope you are reading these from the hotel spa you booked yourself into for the weekend!! He is selfish and is opting out of marriage

Single parent with 2 kids is what you are. I’m sorry OP you deserve better.

So he said he was going to plan a day for you and then heads off on his climbing jolly until 2.30pm? To hell with that. Go out with your sister and make plans to leave the selfish twat.

This reminds me a lot of my ex husband. He was shocked when I said I wanted a divorce until I pointed out how little time we spent together. When I told my child’s teacher about the divorce, she said that she assumed that I was already separated and he lived far away, as none of the teachers had ever seen my ex at the school!

I suggest that you go out with your sister for the whole day. I think you should have separate bedrooms so that he can’t disturb your sleep when he’s back late (although I don’t know why you’d ever want to sleep with someone so selfish again). Why would you want to stay married to him?

You basically got a sperm donor who still wants sex. Not a partner, and not a co-parent.

You kinda are living with a teenager. He really does need to grow the fuck up.

YANBU. And you need to have a serious conversation - why is he even with you? You're not a partnership. You're the person he lives with that he has sex with to suit him.

I am very angry on your behalf and I hope you went out. He's an arsehole.

OP I felt so sad for you when I read the part where he promised to make a plan for the day, but then when you came downstairs he was heading out the door to do climbing.

What IS the plan, did he even make one? I'm going to be honest, he sounds like he has no respect for you, is deeply self-absorbed, and cannot be bothered with family life. The fact that he puts in effort when you get upset is very telling. He KNOWS this upsets you. But he just doesn't care.

I could never be happy with a partner like this. He's meant to be your best friend. He should be delighted at the chance to spend time with you, just the two of you. But, equally, he should also want to spend quality time with his children too.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think if you stay with this man there's a good chance you'll end up very lonely and depressed. You need a partner, not an extra child in the house.

Fuck that!!

See your sister for a coffee and if DP kicks off tell him that you will not be expected to sit around and let your life pass you by while you wait for him to sort his shit out.
Personally I don't think I could be in a relationship like that

So you do your hobbies as your son sleeps or is away, he does them when your DS is awake.

What does he bring at all to the relationship ?

He sounds pretty horrible, tbh, and you don't want that misogynistic crap influencing your son.

I'd point blank tell him your entire relationship is at risk due to his decision to put it at the bottom of his priority lists. It literally comes after everything else in his life, including watching telly alone in a home you share. What the fuck kind of marriage is that?

Sounds like you only have the one child. Hopefully you are not married to the selfish arsehole you just described. The man has no interest in you or the kid so instead of making a plan to get rid of this dead weight you spend 35 minutes typing all that out? He's not interested in you. I doubt he would even notice your absence unless it's handmaiden sexy time. Please start planning your future away from that prick.

Ew! I don’t know you, but I’d put money on you being worth more than this.

Apologies for the crudeness, but I think you’re probably a vagina, a cook and a babysitter for him. You’re certainly not partners.

Selfish prick

He's a cunt. No way should you be accepting this. And to think he's then waking you up trying to initiate sex takes the utter piss.
You can't live like this, he isn't respecting you ir even showing that he wants to spend time with you. He's prioritising everything else.

If you split up, would he step up? It always disgusts me that so many men only seem to care about their children when they are in a relationship with their mum. Once split, they're happy to be occasional Disney dads. So sad.

OP, I think you need to ask yourself why you are tolerating this shit. He's fucked off on the day he was supposed to be planning something for the two of you. He's absolutely taking the piss. Don't be there when he gets back. Get out of the house, do something nice for yourself until your child comes back, and then next week start getting your ducks in a row. In good relationships people do want to spend quality time with each other. He doesn't. It's not a relationship. I'm sorry.

So OP how did it go today?

I hope that you had a really good time with your sister.

He’s selfish and immature.
Hes not really interested in being your partner imo. Are you doing his washing / cooking etc? Wondering what he is getting from the relationship as he doesn’t seem interested in it really- convenience?
He’s spending a lot of time on a screen over the week- more than he’s engaging with you..
Do not have kids with this man.. you will be doing everything alone..

You have the patience of a saint, my darling.It wouldn't be me!

Edited as posted on wrong thread!

I'm hoping you went out and are still out and don't plan to be going home anytime soon. And keep doing what you want to do.

I would sit and write it down for him like you have here. Give him a visual representation of his much he is out.

and does he think it’s sustainable for a father and husband

Do your kids even know what their dad looks like, @MyGentleOliveUser ? Would they scream in fright if he turned up for dinner one night?

I honestly feel like a handmaiden waiting for his schedule and honestly his attention.

That's because you are.

I feel like I’m begging for the bare minimum every day.

Stop begging. Vote with your feet and leave. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child.

And when he does spend time with me it feels like he’s just doing it to keep the peace.

Stop accepting these crumbs. He's not interested in you or his child.

Ok hes a sporty man , close to his siblings with a penchant towards gaming .
So basically living a single life , and a shit husband and father .
Whilst I rarely ever say on these posts to get rid ( unless there is dv in the relationship )
What on earth is in the relationship for you ?
If he wants the relationship to continue , he needs to change and if he doesn't , then
( I'll say it ) LTB .

Nope you’re not being unreasonable. My husband is a bit like this and likes to keep busy with his hobbies. I started my own hobbies and now I’m really busy too. We have nothing in common now but we are still good friends and have plenty of sex. Don’t wait around for him anymore. Either do your own thing or split up.