To be confused as to why hiring a cleaner is seen as an indulgence?

[Gahr]

This is something that I see time and again on this site, and it is SO WEIRD. People seem to think that it is the height of luxury to have a housecleaner, and also seem to be strangely apologetic about it, offering disclaimers as to why they need one. Also, I've noticed that on threads when someone has a problem with their cleaning service, they will get several posts telling them to 'clean their own house'. Nobody would tell someone to 'service their own boiler' or 'fix their own toilet'! I don't understand it at all. I have a cleaner and I wouldn't be without her.

I think quite simply on this - is the thing in question essential ? Is it what I would consider essential for basic human dignity?

so a decent dry and warm home - essential. A play room and a guest room and a study ? Detached? Not essential- luxury

Food - fruit like apples and oranges, eggs, enough calories for the family - essential . Meat every day? Berries in winter? Carry outs? Meals out ? Not essential- luxury

transport - a car if rural essential, a range rover ? Not essential

socialising ? Essential , meeting up for dinners - luxury

a cleaner, gardener, decorator, any fairly basic skills - disabled? Essential, otherwise luxury not essential

I’m about to start even more high pressured job and us both working full time in high pressured jobs with 2 young kids im considering having someone coming to batch cook some family meals, yeah.

because I then can spend more time with kids or with husband etc.

sadly cant afford a full time maid 😂

I would love to have a cleaner and honestly, it would give me a good few hours back for work every week as I use my weekends to do housework when I’m honestly absolutely exhausted, or could be working. So I actually think that it is actually a smart delegation of work load in otherwise busy households. That said I’ve always just felt so uncomfortable with it because I’d feel like I have to help her! My mum says I’m silly for feeling that way but it’s genuinely one of the reasons I still clean myself!

If there is enough money left once essentials are accounted for, it's a choice. My grannie had a cook (although they provided lunch for 8 farm workers every day), my mother had a daily. They both worked. I have a cleaner twice a week for a total of 6 hours and did when I was a SAHM and DC were small. However, I still spend 10 or more house a week cleaning, tidying, launderimg etc, because it's a large house and I have high standards. My cleaner steams the hard floors, vacuums, dusts, cleans the bathrooms and irons.

When DS was born and I was on mat leave, my MIL snottily said at the christening "now you are at home, I imagine you'll get rid of the cleaner" As I was responding, well no, I had one when single, for once in my life, my mother had my back and cut in with a resounding "really Joan, did you bring up your girls to clean". TBF MIL wanged endlessly and still does about her girls going to RG uni's, whilst I dropped out.

I do think it's a bit of a class thing. MIL thinks my side are terribly privileged whilst constantly snarking about how dim her hairdresser and tradie neighbours are. My supposedly snooty mother has lunch with her hairdresser and is so nice to the local tradies they drop everything if needed and she and step have been invited to their celebrations.

It's all a bit inverted and small minded and funnily enough it's MIL who doesn't like getting her hands dirty.

Well, that's the going rate, I am not underpaying them.

Don't be so ridiculous. In a cost of living crisis, when many people are struggling to feed their families well, you think it's 'very strange' to consider things like this a luxury?

I agree that the tone of moral superiority some people take towards people having a cleaner is absurd though. There is absolutely zero wrong with having a cleaner if you can afford it, but plenty of people can't.

It is a luxury because its not a necessity. Same with having your car washed. Its nice to have, but it doesnt stop the car functioning like, for example, having a service done.

Most people cannot afford a cleaner and, if they are able bodied and neurotypical, are able to clean their homes/do their own washing/ do their own cooking and shopping, and juggle getting kids to school/ homework done/ kids to bed.

Many people do their own home maintenance and DIY, and do their own decorating and gardening. Some do car maintenance too. Some undertake building work.

Most of these things can also be outsourced but its a sliding scale of willingness, ability, time and money. Money probably being the biggest factor.

Most people wouldnt now consider childcare a luxury but in the past when women were mainly SAHM then it would be seen that way, to have a nanny, or to have your child in childcare when it wasnt to do with going to work.

I think the same goes for cleaning. Its probably, in my mind, the worst job on the household running list and IF I had the money I absolutely would love someone to come and keep my place clean. But as with with so many people really struggling financially right now, its not an expense I can afford compared to what I need to spend my money on. That would make it a luxury.

But aren’t ready meals and other pre-prepared foods part of the same idea here - saving time and taking additional tasks off someone’s to do list?

If someone said that they get a takeaway once a week just to buy back some time and headspace, people would see that as a luxury but I doubt there would be the same level of judgement as there is to paying a cleaner.

I hate cleaning. Always have always will. First “luxury” thing I got was a cleaner and I don’t regret it at all. These days since my mum has retired we pay her to do it because she needs to keep busy and she actually enjoys doing it (she’s the type who gets excited over a new hoover). I do think it’s a luxury but if we took a budget cut there’s so may things I’d stop before stopping the cleaner, I’d stop dying my hair, getting nails done, go back to doing my own eyebrows, stop going out as much… I just hate cleaning and now I'm lucky enough to not do it.

I desperately need a cleaner...

Interesting parallel. I would think that in some ways the rise on popularity of ready meals, meal plan boxes and short cuts to some extent has taken over the role of having a chef. But I'd never thought about it in those terms before.

I have a friend who has a massive party every January. She always hires a caterer and i thought that was an unimaginable luxury- but that said- in a few weeks I am hosting my book club and am ordering ion party food platters from M&S as i don't have time, or the energy or the motivation to do it myself.

What i REALLY would have if I had the money is an old fashioned 'daily'. DH's mother had one when he was growing up and she thought that was a step down as she was brought up with a cook, a butler, a housekeeper etc.

and I have paid to have my car washed twice since Ive had it, in over 9 years. And not had my windows cleaned since 2015. We takes our chances with the rain.

I think it depends on the size of the home to be fair.

I cannot imagine a world where I employed my mother to clean my house for me.

Saying you’re ‘confused’ about this just makes you sound a bit ignorant and comes across as purposefully goady.

Equally, I agree it’s not an indulgence if you can afford it. I hate cleaning and have a weekly cleaner myself and don’t see why I should do it, if I don’t have to.

Fair enough.
Presumably though you wouldn't be "confused" why someone not part of a couple in "high pressured jobs" might consider that a luxury?
And I'm sure you didn't really miss my point.

Can you at least see that a cleaner is a luxury to most people now?

What the fuck is a "daily"?

Tell you what I really want - a housekeeper. ‘Maud/Martin, could you find a handyman to fix the kitchen tap? And the dry cleaning is mounting up. And all that stuff in the spare room needs to go to the recycling centre. And could you have a think about meals for tomorrow? Thank you.’ Bliss.

A woman who comes in every day to do the heavy and dirty work.

Whilst providing employment for that 'unskilled work'

Someone who comes in every day to clean, funnily enough.

My DH does all our cleaning (I’m disabled and he’s quite obsessive). My DS lives alone and does his own cleaning. Why are people still expecting men not to be able to clean? It’s 2026!

Which means that there's a fair few unemployed cleaners out there.

My sister runs her own cleaning business and I have been helping her out a few times a week. I would say, for us it's 50/50. Some of the clients are elderly or disabled and it's an absolute necessary service for them which they would otherwise struggle with.

However, we also clean for people who obviously just can't be arsed to clean their own homes themselves and as they have the funds to pay for someone else to do it, they do and that is ok as well.

Obviously it gives us work but I often clean houses smaller than my own and wonder why on earth they are paying £30 per hour for something they can easily do themselves but that's life and I am not going to question their choices in life too much......each to their own.