90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

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My grandma is 90 and there will be a massive afternoon party for just two hours in a hotel paid for my mum, aunt and uncle.

All her descendants, their partners plus nieces and nephews without partners and one surviving sibling and two of her surviving cousins, one with husband. The surviving sibling and cousins will have one of their children with them given their advanced age.

Grandma does not want my cousin’s two stepchildren invited , they are teenagers who live almost exclusively with their mother.

Cousin has said her husband doesn’t want her to go with her elder child and their joint child.

Elder child’s dad has stepped in and insists that he will take child himself and sit in bar to wait for him.

My cousin, brother of this cousin is coming home from Japan for this.

My aunt has said she will make sure their joint child will be there as well.

What for you all think about this? Is cousins’ husband unreasonable.

Just another man inserting himself (and his kids) into a situation that has nothing to do with him. Theyre not being singled out, other spouses are also not invited (RTFT). what 13-16 year old want to attend a 90 year old womans birthday when they dont know her ! (Again read the read they have no relationship with this woman!!!!)

😂😂😂

Are you quite alright Cankles?
Calm your beans!

There is nothing lovely about a grown woman excluding children.

Ok but 6yrs is quite a long time isn't it? To be fair this isn't the kids fault and there is no reason to treat them like they have an agenda.
I used to be a step parent and still count myself as one. Nobody would bat an eyelid in my family if we turned up to dinner and she happened to be with us. I still turn up to dinner with her sometimes and I'm not even with her Dad, my brother sees her more than I do as he lives around the corner from us and she looks like my son. I feel like you are being a bit mean here.

Obviously her husband is making the fuss and I assume he's invited due to his with wife being your cousin and now wants his kids to come too. Obviously she may decide it's not worth hassle/grief she is getting at home and you might not get that photo of you all with your grandmother.

Why is he being a shit stirrer, he is sitting at the bar so his child can attend as mother wont take them

Give that there isn't much of a relationship between this 90 year old and her teenage step grandchildren I really don't see why this is such an outrage. Unlike that other poster who keeps posting drama about her slighted older daughter these teenagers even have two involved parents, they aren't hard done by.

Agree with PP, the cousins DH sounds like a shit stirer and I bet these teens don't even care.

Way back at "all her descendants" my eyes glazed over, and I lost the will to live!

You're right and I'm sorry 😂I'm finding myself disproportionately pissed off by this. I think it's another form of entitlement, which I'm dealing with the fall-out of in other aspects of my life right now. People are so unreasonable sometimes! Everyone should just stay in their lanes. In fact, nobody should ever marry, nobody should have children ever and nobody should ever celebrate their 90th birthday - that would solve everything! (joke - just in case)

Grandmas party, Grandma's choice. Her family are entitled to marry/ have children with whomever they choose but Grandma does not have to accept step children if she doesn't want to. Especially not if their father has form for pushing them on their family. The shared child should go the father is being unreasonable.

If she wants your cousin there, your grandma has an easy choice.

I also think grandma has a right to choose who to invite. It’s a bit shitty to exclude children but if she wants to act that way then if you live till you’re 90 then you can do what you want. I don’t think I’d attend though if it was going to upset my husband or step kids. We are a team at the end of the day and come as a package but all families are different. No right/wrong answer because it’s family dependent.

Thanks to the levels of blended family entitlement on MN I would never form a blended family if I found myself single. I would certainly caution my children against it.

As part of a large extended, family including multiple adopted children, this makes me really sad. My adopted cousins and their children are family regardless of genetics and they were just as adored by our grandparents as the rest of us.

But they are family. They're her great-grandson's siblings.

Sorry but I don't think your grandma is a lovely woman if she's content to exclude children and stir family conflict like this.

Grow up

Grandma can invite who she likes and invitees are entitled to not attend and to keep their children, shared or otherwise, at home too.

If you read all the posts by OP they really have nothing to do with granny.

I understand that he brings them uninvited to lunches/dinners that in-laws host.

So the kids are regularly left out of family meals and events? I can see why the Dad is pissed off and just brings them anyway tbh. I could sort of understand when it was just Granny's 90th, but this additional information makes it sound like you all exclude them all the time.

(And the mention of the 8 and 10 year old 'using the free bar' made me lol - knecking the vodka shots were they?)

No, they aren’t. Even if they were, they aren’t the only ‘family’ excluded.

The one stirring conflict is the cousin’s husband, who is throwing a strop because he’s not getting what he wants. He may not like their stance on his children (which is not even an abnormal or unusual stance), but this is the family he married into, and he doesn’t get to force his vision of an ideal blended family onto them.

They can in indeed.

They can't expect that people will treat new children in the blended unit as blood. With respect yes, but people don't have to consider as equal to blood relatives as blood. Forcing it or judging others for not putting those new member on the level you have will never end well.

The cousin’s entitlement is off the scale!

Just let grandma have her day fgs.

Well she's got a choice. She can either suck up the possibility of them being a photo or she can cry over how her action in excluding them means someone will be missing from her precious photo.

Her action. Her choice. At 90, she should have worked out that actions have consequences and you can't be a dick to someone and then expect them to do things on your terms however much you think you are in charge.

If she's been a dick and wanted to exclude someone then its her own fucking fault. She can't complain.

Granny’s not a very nice person.

The children aren’t related to her, I don’t see the issue with them not being invited. I doubt teens would be excited at the thought of a 90 year olds birthday party anyway.

He brings them uninvited to pubs and restaurants and expects his FIL to pay for them.