90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

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My grandma is 90 and there will be a massive afternoon party for just two hours in a hotel paid for my mum, aunt and uncle.

All her descendants, their partners plus nieces and nephews without partners and one surviving sibling and two of her surviving cousins, one with husband. The surviving sibling and cousins will have one of their children with them given their advanced age.

Grandma does not want my cousin’s two stepchildren invited , they are teenagers who live almost exclusively with their mother.

Cousin has said her husband doesn’t want her to go with her elder child and their joint child.

Elder child’s dad has stepped in and insists that he will take child himself and sit in bar to wait for him.

My cousin, brother of this cousin is coming home from Japan for this.

My aunt has said she will make sure their joint child will be there as well.

What for you all think about this? Is cousins’ husband unreasonable.

I wonder how many big parties people throw who say these sort of things.

she needs repentance ...

And your behaviour is so... gracious. Sniggering about a 90 year old woman's death. Says a lot about you.

Editing to add, posts like this show beautifully how some people even in the 21st century have still basically a mob mentality. They'd be the first to hurl rocks at a stoning, cheer during a hanging and whoop during floggings.

…they aren’t her family, as I’m sure they’re aware.

She wants a ‘party’ with, and photos with, her children and grandchildren, presumably. Why would two unrelated children she barely knows be included in this?

We have all sorts of blended families in our family set up and thank God my Granny wanted every single one of us there for her 90th birthday.
A year later her dementia has set in and she’s now in a care home.

Yes, of course. If I was prepared to pay for a grandchild I'd expect to pay for their siblings. Perhaps if your family were less shitty about excluding them from every damn thing then youd have less problem with your cousin's partner bring "pushy". If I had seen my half sister left out of our family gatherings because my mum wasn't her mum then I would have refused to attend as well. Luckily my family had a far broader definition of "family" than yours seems to.

This.
Cousins parents should be sorting this out.

Well if the answer is ‘not many’ maybe they’re just falling into the ‘don’t throw one at all’ category?

She doesn’t want those “poor bloody kids” at her party while she’s alive to see them there. I expect she’ll care even less if they turn up to her funeral once she’s dead. On account of being dead, for a start.

All spouses that are invited are non-blood relatives and have the potential in the future of “leaving” the family due to divorce but will presumably be in the photos. These children are in the same situation yet she thinks their presence will ruin the family photos?!

Various spouses are included?

Presumably the spouses have impregnated/ given birth to the blood family descendants whom she wants at the party. That's very different from the two entirely unrelated step great-grandchildren.

So if they are a childless couple, the spouse isn’t invited?

But that was your bloody wedding!

Why would you say to your mother “We really want to throw you a special party to celebrate your 90th birthday - but we’re going to invite people you actively don’t want there, because we’re paying, so you can go fuck yourself”?

No idea! But it's usual to invite spouses to a party isn't it?
I presume some of the photos will be of grandma, her children and their children and grandchildren, no spouses.

It seems unbelievable to me that people think this grandma, who does not want the teenage steps at her own party, should be forced to have them there.

I'm pretty sure that most of the people on this thread who think the teens should go would have an absolute fit if other people tried to tell them who to invite to their own 40/50/whatever party.

But how far do you take it? Inviting a spouse is standard. But the relatives of the spouse? I invite my BIL to family parties, because he’s my sister’s partner, but I don’t invite HIS sister or his mother. There’s a line.

In my extended family, step children are treated as children of the household.

And? The OP’s grandmother doesn’t feel the same.

When it was it decided that because someone acquires step children on marriage, everyone related to them has to instantly pretend they're real relations,even if they've only met them twice?
It's a ridiculously new notion, and all.you horrors calling an elderly woman nasty names need.to.cop yourselves on.
They're not her grandchildren. They're not her relatives. She's perfectly allowed to not treat them as such

A 90yo woman is allowed to be unreasonable. It isn't very nice of her to choose to exclude her step-grandchildren but she does not owe anyone "nice". Those who love her and have a positive relationship with her can come to the party and any of the relatives who think she's a cantankerous old bag are allowed to stay away - including said step-grandchildren.

This tread has proven so triggering for some of our blended families friends

A 90 year old woman, for better or for worse, just hasn't given any consideration to that dynamic, and thank goodness she's not on here to see the horrible trolling going on

Honestly, those teens would rather go on the PS5, or chill with Friends, than attend a party for old folks. It's no Biggie for them. But the baggage of some of the posters here is shocking!

Yes, and?

Inviting your relative’s spouse doesn’t mean you’re also required to also invite said spouse’s children, any more than you’re required to invite their mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so on and so forth up and down the family tree.

Say they can come if they really want, but as they are being invited under duress their dad will have to pay for their meals. See if he's still as keen then.

On all threads of this nature, I wonder how much of it is actually about the kids and how much is about the supposed adults stamping their feet and squalling because they didn’t get what they wanted; because they want their little bit of recognition and to be made to feel “special”.

Meanwhile the kids are saying “You want us to go to a party for Sarah’s gran? Really? Is she still alive?!”

This!!! I smell a rat. OP, is it you who has the problem and using granny as cover because nobody would want to upset a 90 year old?