To think men should be more self aware when walking behind women?

[greengreyblue]

Was walking this evening with my dog after dark I became aware of someone walking fairly close behind me. I turned and saw a tall man with hood up ( yes it’s January) and it felt too close given there was nobody else around.
This has happened a few times to me and my DD who works in London says it’s a daily thing when commuting , to find some bloke far too close on a tube platform for example.
I was telling DH and he said he always tries to cross over if he’s behind a woman like that to alleviate any discomfort that might cause.
I only have daughters but do you think your menfolk are aware of how they can make women feel? As a mother of boys would you teach them about this? Obviously men are 50% of the population and mostly not predators but I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. AIBU?

Agree. I always tell my sons to cross the road if you see a lone woman walking home in the dark. I think it’s just lack of awareness.

Thank you both of you for doing that. I don’t have sons but love the idea that mums of DSs teach them this. You are raising fine men.

I'm always wary of this now.

I narrowly escaped what I assume would have been sexual assault. The only thing that saved me was my awareness. Seeing him closing in on me on a quiet street at about 9pm.

I was going to work and there was a security hut at the gate. I ran towards it. He shouted at me and I looked back and saw him wanking through the railings.

That little half glance backwards after a man passes you in the street. Watching the shadows on the pavement in case he's coming up behind you. Taking out my keys, to use as a weapon or to make sure I can get in my flat if he grabs my bag.

We live in a different world to men....

Thank you to all the Mums who are raising their sons to be aware of this ❤

My late father once told me he would cross the road if he was walking behind a woman in the dark.. my DH also does this. Yanbu.

I’m totally with you, OP. I feel really uncomfortable when men do that. I have been followed on more than one occasion and narrowly avoided being assaulted so am always nervous when a man walks up behind me.

Yes! My dad who is now 80 always crossed the road rather than walk behind a woman in the dark and freak her out. He’s pretty slow now so I don’t think he crosses now but he did when it mattered.

You don't have to be a man to scare someone else.
I am a woman, and I am self aware when walking behind anyone.

Reassuring to know my DH is not alone. @XenoBitch thats true but unfortunately statistically there are more women that suffer at the hands of men than the other way round.

What a pig! I helped a woman who had been ‘wanked at’ while walking her dog. He had walked past her and then turned and followed her. She sensed him and turned to find that. She gave him a few sharp words but was traumatised and I bumped into her in tears. Together we traced him, he went to court and is on the sex register . He was 19!!!

I spoke to DS about this specifically when he was living in London. He says he stops to tie a shoelace and create some distance, or phones me - he seems to think that chatting loudly to his Mum will make lone females feel safer.

Awareness on all sides is important.

I had to turn off a road and walk down a relatively isolated riverside path today. About 30m in front of me a lady turned from the road to walk down the path. About 10m behind her, a man suddenly turned onto the path and proceeded to walk quite closely behind her. I thought it really inconsiderate as I could sense the lady was uncomfortable. If I was the man I would have speeded up and overtaken her but he didn't and just followed her for the 5 min walk. I hate people walking close behind me. I will often just suddenly stop and wait for people to pass in front if me.

I’ve actually noticed men purposely hold back or cross the road, or even speak to me to make it less tense when behind me lately and appreciated it so much. They obvs have had the talk with the women in their lives. London as well, believe it or not

In my experience alot of men are self aware of walking near a woman alone at night. Many times have I encountered a man either walking near or cycling past me and has caused me to jump in fright. They are so very apologetic as they then realise what they have done. Absolute gentlemen.

Bloke here and yep I’m pretty aware of trying to not make women feel unsafe. I’ll cross the road, or hang back so I’m not too close, or even go a longer way round so they don’t think I’m following.

any other advice? I know it’s scary out there for women

Try not to wear a hoodie! 😂 Honestly some guys looks so menacing in just dark joggers and hoods up. Today I ended up crossing the road once and then pretending to wait for my dog to wee.

I've had this happen to me quite a few times over the last couple of years. I am a very slow walker (osteoarthritis in my hips) so by rights,you'd think anyone walking behind me would soon get fed up and overtake me. But, several times,they've not overtaken me. I've walked slower and slower and so have they. It's only when I've actually stopped completely that they've overtaken me! And yes it is ALWAYS a man!

Good to know.

my sons know not to walk closely behind anyone, especially women and in the dark. We’ve talked through various scenarios and when they should look to cross over.

not policing their clothes though, if they are out and it’s cold, they can put their hood up!!

That’s good. I think hearing the man’s voice and a normal convo is more reassuring.

I always remember when I was around 13 years old. I was on work experience for two weeks which my school had organised for everyone in my year.
I was to work as an administrative assistant in an office deep within an industrial estate. This industrial estate was through some gates at the very end of a long street, the street was set off of a busy main road. The nearest shop or anything public was a good twenty minutes walk from the main road.
I always hated leaving there after work as it was usually dark and eery.
One morning on my way to 'work', I was walking down the very, very long main road. There was usually no one else on the road, as there was nothing around except industrial estates.
I suddenly became aware that there was someone walking on the same side of the road, some distance behind me. I could see them from my peripheral view. I looked around a few times just enough to see that it was a man.
I set myself little 'goals', for instance, I would speed up a bit and watch from peripheral view to see if he kept up with me..which he did. So, I changed my speed again, which he also kept up with. I decided to walk further to one side of the path, he too walked on this side. Suddenly I felt distraught with panic at this point as thought this is definitely real - a man was really following me!! I was now speed walking still on this long main road but with no one around for me to shout to for help I was so scared. I then remembered that there was always a burger style van parked off of the main road and down the street that led to the industrial estate and that it was always open with at least one customer outside of it.
So I sped up as fast as I could and I prayed that I made it round the corner to atleast get in the view of the van, so that I could atleast shout to them, or so that thisan following me would be "put off" upon seeing other people.
But when I turned the corner, the van was locked up and no one was in it!! I felt sick to the stomach and I literally ran for my life!! I ran as fast as I could down that street and I did not stop until I got inside the gates of the industrial estate where I knew I would be safe as there was always people in there!!
When I finally stopped,l when I knew I was safe and I turned around to check behind me and look back up the stteet. There stood the man at the very top of the street just standing there with his body turned so it was fully facing down the street inynditrction, staring at me. I was shitting myself! I was never so scared iny entire life at the realisation that I was not being ridiculous but infact I was actually being followed and was so close to have been kidnapped or raped!

I ran inside the building and begged the men who were in the office at the time to please drive me home after work, after I explained to them what had just happened. I didn't feel safe and I was petrified that he would be waiting for me after work. But it was weird, one man just sort of gave me a side eye! I honestly didn't expect that!
I left work earlier that day and got a cab home and I never went back there ever again.

Has its a certain hoodie look in the dark that looks menacing, not all hoods.

That would worry me, most men I pass try to avoid me, sometimes when they pass by I nearly expect them to grab me. 🫣
Men who give half a shit will try to avoid walking behind you.

It’s awful that our minds go to that dark place. So many men had no idea what we go through. Glad to hear lots do.

That does sound scary.

People are free to walk where they like. Women should be aware of their own surroundings.