To think men should be more self aware when walking behind women?

[greengreyblue]

Was walking this evening with my dog after dark I became aware of someone walking fairly close behind me. I turned and saw a tall man with hood up ( yes it’s January) and it felt too close given there was nobody else around.
This has happened a few times to me and my DD who works in London says it’s a daily thing when commuting , to find some bloke far too close on a tube platform for example.
I was telling DH and he said he always tries to cross over if he’s behind a woman like that to alleviate any discomfort that might cause.
I only have daughters but do you think your menfolk are aware of how they can make women feel? As a mother of boys would you teach them about this? Obviously men are 50% of the population and mostly not predators but I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. AIBU?

Of course, silly little women! We should know our limits eh?

I think women are hyper aware of their surroundings and most men I know try their hardest to stay back or cross roads so I always take a man too close to me as a threat and change my behaviour too. Its horrible what we have to go through as we genuinely don't feel safe out at night!

My only comment is that often people don't have the awareness of someone being close behind and block the way so there is often no safe way to pass.

I don't often walk in areas alone with lone women about but as a man and a big one at that, I'm aware of the perceived threat I pose.

What concerns me is the number of women (and men) who are glued to their phones and taking no notice of the environment. I walk rather than drive these days and a couple of weeks ago when it was still dark at 5pm, I walked past our local comp. A young lady in her uniform was walking in the same direction, the road goes past a couple of fields and a cemetery just beyond the school, if I had evil intent I could easily have grabbed her as he whole attention was on her phone. In fact she didn't even look up as I stepped into the road to pass her

My son, when at uni, told me he had experience of this when walking with a friend late at night. They saw a lone female ahead so him and his friend cross the road and talked about something rubbish like Minecraft so they could sound un-threatening. I was quite proud of him.

Everyone should be aware for their own safety and I disagree with heads down at phones when walking. However it is sad that females don’t have the freedom to walk home from school without fear of being ‘grabbed’ , don’t you think?

She was aware of your presence, maybe she was on a video call, she saw you before you saw her, my daughter and her friends do this so if they’re grabbed their pal can call the police.
You are correct you could have grabbed her, mobile phone or not, watching for a predator or not won’t stop him. That’s the reality of life as a woman.

Apologies, I tried to edit my post but there are so many typos now (i really should read what I write before I press 'enter').
It was truly the most scary experience of my life and I'm now in my forties.
Even though it is now 2026 and feminism is in full force with women striving to be as important as men and have equal opportunities, it doesn't take from the fact that men are, in almost all circumstances, bigger and stronger than women, and some are unhinged.
I should never have been sent to a remote location as a young female. No child should have been sent there at all infact.
Whilst men tend to get bad rap for simply being male, there is reasoning behind it.

Completely agree but it's a very unlikely event (thank the Lord) but these things happen and I think everyone male and female should be alert to the danger others could possibly cause. I've seen young men attacked for no reason on nights out and I've walked through some pretty dangerous places in this country and abroad and been prepared to run.

But phones are a serious risk to personal safety. On a humourous note I watched a school boy walk into a lamppost when not paying anything but his phone attention

And that if fucking grim, but as I said she didn't even notice me step into the road to pass

Fair play to your daughter and friends. They should teach that sort of thing in school. Actually my wife has pointed out that the fact that the school bans phones during the day leads to their intense concentration on them

I had a bad experience recently and the police told me to carry criminal identifier self defence spray (can buy online), it’s a legal alternative to pepper spray.

I was walking out of my house on a remote tow path and I saw a man stood on a path on the left. I was annoyed as he started walking as I got level with the path so I thought surely he would know to wait a few moments. I slowed down to let him go past but he didn’t so I sped up and so did he. I came to a bench so thought I’d sit down and let him past but he stopped just before the bench. I looked him in the eye as I thought maybe he wasn’t paying attention and it would prompt him to apologise and carry on but he didn’t. He just looked back at me so I stood up and went back the way I had just come and he followed me again back the way we’d just come. I decided to run at that point and so did he but I’m a runner and I managed to get some distance between us. I have never locked my front door so quickly. A few days later I saw an e-fit of someone wanted for stalking and it was the same man.

when I’m running and come up behind someone, I always shout hello before I get there so they don’t jump. It’s scary out there!

Some men are. I walk in the evenings a lot, when it’s dark, and there are men who will walk in the road (quiet road) so they’re not right by me on the pavement. And I appreciate it. Some men should definitely be more aware of themselves around women. Close proximity is certainly a warning sign to me that I’m potentially in danger.

I'm aware of this and don't walk close behind women (I am a woman, but I am big and stompy). Sometimes I say hello or similar as I pass (widely) so they are aware I'm just a big stompy woman.

jeez have you commented just to wind people up? Women are more than aware of their surroundings which is how they know they feel scared or uneasy 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

As a woman walking by yourself, you’re taught to do things to keep you safer. One is staying on the phone with someone. So if something does happen to you, whoever you are calling/texting can get help straight away.

Maybe it’s the girl just didn’t want to put her phone down and she needed to be more aware. Maybe she was fully aware of your presence and texting someone to try to keep herself safe. It might not be that she didn’t notice you, it might be that she pretended not to notice you. Another way to try and keep yourself safe, if you don’t look at the danger and pretend you’re not there, maybe the danger won’t notice you.

As an older man I'd say we're absolutely aware. If I find myself behind a woman I'll either quickly drop back or cross over. I have 3 daughters and I'm acutely aware of how uncomfortable it can feel

It recently happened to me I could feel a man behind me so I stopped so he would walk in front and he kept looking behind and walking really slow eventually I just stopped until I couldn't see him.

Some men just have no imagination and cannot think of how their following a woman, even if inadvertently, may be perceived.
I remember having a man at work having a winge because in this scenario the woman had half confronted him saying something like she knew he was there. He was saying is he not allowed to walk home anymore and that he wasn't going to assault anyone. As a couple of us pointed out to him, the woman could not possibly know the intentions of the person who was giving the appearances of following her, it must have been terrifying.
It is bad enough that half the population cannot feel totally safe when out and about without having to start second guessing the intentions of a man who could easily prevent the situation.
If my having to cross a road, stop to allow a distance to develop or even take another route eases the fear of someone then why wouldn't I do it?
It is definitely something that men should be much more aware of.

I'm afraid that some men walk behind women quite deliberately, especially if it's dark. This has happened to me more than a few times. I got so scared once ~ sometimes he was behind me, getting nearer, sometimes he crossed the road and walked just ahead of me, then crossed back behind me. Nobody else around, no shops. My fear exploded into rage and I stood still and yelled at him (when he was across the road), 'What the fuck do you think you're doing?!' And he laughed. He called out, 'Sorry, love, just having a bit of fun,' and sloped off.

Or it'll be some git manipulating her into letting down her guard.

Tbf you are making women sound feeble and limited. Only on MN do I come across such weird ideas.

Maybe those worried should take up self defense classes.

Having a daughter terrifies me sometimes. She’s still little, but predatory men is one of the number one things that scares me about her future because I’ve had so many bad experiences as a young woman. She does a martial art that hopefully might give her some basic self-defence skills in the future but it’s not enough. Although I don’t agree with America’s gun laws at all, I do feel envious of them sometimes for the fact that you can legally buy a taser and pepper spray there for self-defence. The options available to women to (legally) buy & carry items for self-defence in this country is pathetic IMO

I am 5ft9 and "sturdy" I have been mistaken for a man before when I had short hair. I run, often at night and if it's raining and I have my hood up/hat on I always warn women who I am about to overtake when they are walking. I wouldn't want them to get a fright with my big body running towards them. It's just good ettiquete in my opinion.
My DD has been warned if she is walking home at night then headphones out and phone away so she is aware of her surroundings. That's just basic common sense regardless of sex.

Many years ago I was walking home and a man was coming up behind me - he called out to say " lass don't be scared I'm just on my way home" . There was only a path on one side of the road. Yes it could have been a bluff but it wasn't. This was the 1970s and it shows men have been aware of this for a long time. Unfortunately there are too many hooded young men now who have not been brought up to think like this.

It is irritating. I tend to stop, turn and face them under the pretence of my dogs having a wee/sniff and let them pass me.

Well it’s a fact that most women are not as strong as men. Im a fit 54 year old but I’ve got no chance against a 6ft bloke no matter how much self defence I do. That’s just false security.