To think men should be more self aware when walking behind women?

[greengreyblue]

Was walking this evening with my dog after dark I became aware of someone walking fairly close behind me. I turned and saw a tall man with hood up ( yes it’s January) and it felt too close given there was nobody else around.
This has happened a few times to me and my DD who works in London says it’s a daily thing when commuting , to find some bloke far too close on a tube platform for example.
I was telling DH and he said he always tries to cross over if he’s behind a woman like that to alleviate any discomfort that might cause.
I only have daughters but do you think your menfolk are aware of how they can make women feel? As a mother of boys would you teach them about this? Obviously men are 50% of the population and mostly not predators but I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. AIBU?

it's all about surroundings, walking up the high street in the middle of the day, I'd not think it would cause much concern, walking up the high street in the dark and no one around, I'd cross over or walk past them quickly, I tend to walk faster than most folk anyway, i dont tend to hang back as this could be seen as following them, even if you're not!

I do too. Bad men come often from bad mothers, I think. I’m a feminist and I’ve raised my sons to be very aware of women’s needs and rights. The worst men are ones who have been pampered princes (or been raised in domestic violence which is not the mother’s fault).

It's something most men think about and are aware of, but it's a hard one sometimes to work out what's the best to do.. I'll tend to cross the road if possible, but that's not always doable, and on a previous thread someone said they found a man crossing the road and then speeding up more intimidating, because they think they might be waiting around the corner.

I find the stopping to tie a shoelace etc doesn't really work, because it just delays the issue, because I'm quite a tall man and so have quite a fast walking speed. I can slow down but then it just feels like I'm tailing the poor woman. Sometimes the only thing to do is to just pass them as quick as you can and then disappear off into the distance. Which I'm sure feels more intimidating for the woman while it's happening but at least keeps the encounter brief.

I do try to keep my hoodie down, but I've got a bloody great scar on my face that tends to give people a bit of a start, so I don't know if that's any better to be honest!

If you’re withdrawing money at a cash point muggers aren’t going to faff around. You need to be aware yourself who’s behind you. People shouldn’t be walking around oblivious of who’s behind them. No sex should have to tip toe around because another sex thinks there’s an axe murderer hiding behind every tree. Be aware yourself of who’s behind you.

Glad you think about how to navigate this. In most cases crossing the road is far less intimidating as we can see you in our peripheral vision more easily.

Yes obviously not an issue in a busy place although personal space is always important .

Why do you feel the need to keep wading in with your passive aggressive comments? Why do you think there is a whole Government strategy on VAWG? I'm pretty sure it won't detail how women should be doing more to keep themselves safe. 🙄

I had some guy RUN up to me and passed me at NIGHT when I went to my local shop and I almost had a heart attack. He was clearly running to the bus or something but honesty I thought what an inconsiderate twat.

You think that you have the right to control how someone walks down the street . . . 🙄

You can get help for your anxiety.

At uni we had a talk from
(Male) security as part of our intro week where he explained why men shouldn’t walk behind women, especially at night. He advised if possible that men cross the street and highlighted why women might find it worrying to have a man walking close behind them.
It really stuck with me and Ds who is now 11 knows not to do this. We encounter it frequently because we walk most places and it really pisses me off. I make a point of stopping and letting the man pass and explain to Ds why. Today he then seemed to slow down so we were then right behind him and had to slow downs Luckily he veered off to the train station.

It's the parents giving their kids little shiny addictive pocket computers cum dopamine dealers which leads to their intense concentration on them. The schools ban phones because otherwise pupils would never extract their nostrils from them, not the other way round.

I think we need to teach both boys and girls more situational awareness.

If men are so unaware of the threats that women face to their safety that they think trsnswomen in women’s single sex spaces is ok, I very much doubt that they have any clue that this could ever be an issue.

Men haven’t lived the lives of women. Men aren’t regularly cat called or leered at or sexually assaulted. These are women’s life experiences. Sadly,

My two adult DSs know not to do this

I recently saw a man walking behind a woman as they crossed a park. He was moving very slowly and stayed right behind her. Eventually she almost had to stop, and when he finally passed her, he came so close she had to step onto the grass to give him space. Watching the interaction really annoyed me. I was too far back to do anything.
It was a little old man and a nicely dressed young woman who looked like she was on her way to pick up a child from school.

Absolutely. Someone made me aware of this when. I was 18. Been doing it ever since 👍

It’s not always easy to avoid this, I walk my dogs up a fairly narrow footpath which is hemmed in both sides by hedges/ fences so theres nowhere to go, it’s relatively well used but poorly lit and you do inevitably come across women walking either ahead or towards you, I always call my dog by name when this happens just so they know I’m there. On a normal street, these days , I try very hard to either cross over or quickly get infront, but what a sad world it’s become when we have to do this

I was taught it from an early age by my father. I can sense trouble coming, I avoid dangerous places and I behave irrationally myself if I'm in such places..ie walking through Johannesburg on my own realising that despite locals saying it was safe it wasn't... singing songs loudly about Bristol Rovers gained a wide birth and questioning rather than intimidating looks

You can get some education.

Loads of legit reasons why men can't or won't cross a road. This isn't realistic

We had this conversation when I was nervous one night there is a walkway connecting our house to the hospital, shops so many people use it. He said ir feels uncomfortable following a woman so he will try speed up to get past them😣 he was educated that evening ( all male upbringing)

it is strange how men’s brains work. 🤯

He did feel awful when I explained that's actually anxiety raising but his theory was it would give more comfort if he over took and went far ahead

Yes and a few pp have said the same. Just in the meantime I’d be convinced he was coming for me !!

Exactly it! They don't understand sometimes but we have 4 girls so he bloody will !

I knew there would be one !!!!