To think a therapist with a personality disorder is concerning?

[TherapistKnot]

I won’t say how I know this therapist, but I will say I know them very well. I know this person has read Mumsnet in the past, so I do not want to out myself. This therapist charges a premium hourly rate, and specialises in working with vulnerable people (including children) which I think makes this even more concerning.

The therapist in question has a long history, going back to childhood, of severe mental illness. This includes multiple suicide attempts (some very recent) and several diagnosed mental illnesses, including a personality disorder. I won’t say which, again for fear of outing myself or this individual. They have also been investigated by social services and the police on numerous occasions, again spanning decades, due to the behaviour they have exhibited as a result of their poor mental health. In the past year, they were investigated by social services, who found that they are emotionally manipulative, abusive and dishonest. This report was then sent to the father’s of her children (she has multiple children with different fathers, I believe this is also part of her mental illness and self-destruction). As a result of this, one of the father’s took her to court and she lost custody of one of her children…she is allowed contact with them but the child has been put in the care of their father.

Throughout the years I have gently asked if they feel any of this impacts their role as a therapist. The person in question has said that they are very good at separating their personal and work life, and that they would never behave poorly towards a client. However, I fail to see how all of this cannot materially affect their work as it has such a profound impact on their daily life and those around them. I would be horrified if I was paying an exorbitant amount (or even seeing her for free) with all of this background knowledge.

I have researched it and it appears that therapists can operate unchecked, there does not appear to be any safeguards, effectively anyone can become a self-employed therapist. Yes it is up to clients to do their due diligence - for example I would request a DBS - but there is nobody overseeing therapists and therefore there would be no way for a client to have access to any of this information.

AIBU to think this is wrong and that anyone working with vulnerable people needs to be on some sort of register or have some sort of governing body?

The issue regarding the child going to live with another parent happens to many people. Just because the decision was decided it was in the best interests of the child to live with their father, doesn’t mean she is a bad mother.
I think lived experience is helpful in many professions, I know midwife’s for example who say that having children themselves really changed their response to patients.
Having PD doesn’t mean no insight. I mean, I’m fundamentally anti the diagnosis for this reason, as the assumptions made about sufferers are appalling.

I’m trying not to out myself or this person. This persons history and current issues were what informed the courts decision, it wasn’t just a case of dad wanting residency and the court handing it to him, or the child wanting to live with the dad.

By the same token, should GPs who develop cancer not be working as doctors? Why is it not okay for practitioners who perhaps struggle with their own mental health not to work as therapists? Surely our own experiences inform our own outlooks on life? Maybe a therapist who suffers with mental health issues is likely to be more empathetic and sympathetic rather than a well-meaning do-gooder who thinks that human frailties are signs of a lesser person?

BACP website says self-employed therapists will soon be able to get enhanced DBS checks.

I haven't suggested it was. It still doesn't mean what you think it means, when you talk about 'threshold for social services removal being really high'.
These situations are always complexed and nuanced. It simply isn't possible for you to know and fully understand your friends situation. They are hard enough to comprehend and feel confident of a view when you're qualified, experienced and have full access to all the documentation including family court bundles.

You've had lots of advice though about how you could follow up about whether this person is well enough to practice therapy, I hope if you have concerns that you follow it up.

@TherapistKnot

It seems that you've been her "confidante" and its taking over your headspace and you're now ruminating on it.

This isn't about vulnerable children.

I think she's actually dominating and manipulating and controlling YOU by trauma dumping on you with these complicated situations.

You need to protect yourself and detach. If she's got a personality disorder I imagine she uses her problems to get you to pay her attention?

Many manipulative people do this - "share" details of emotive situations to get other people triggered and dyregulate them. Especially if you're quite empathetic or sensitive or conscientous.

Unless you and your child are her professional clients and have specifically experienced a session where you felt something went wrong its not your business.

You need to break the rumination cycle for yourself.

Stop focussing on this woman and focus on your own life. Take up a new hobby.

Grey rock her and get her out. Don't turn up to any events she's at or respond to her messages. Don't look her up online. Not your circus not your monkeys. If she tries to overshare more drama just ignore the message. Pretend your phone is broken.

Stop being her confidante for personal stuff - it sounds like she's taking over your life and time by drawing you into her craziness.

I think, for me, it's akin to only wanting female midwives who have given birth themselves. Which is what I'd vastly prefer at my births. Rightly or wrongly. It's a bias, I know.

Ergo, a robot who has no actual experience of the nuances of the human condition, well, if a therapist is so perfect and inexperienced in the grit of life, you may as well use chatgpt for "therapy".

This post further stigmatises mental illness. People can and do carry out their jobs whilst shouldering mental illness, of course it's not ideal if she's had a child removed, but that may well be kept entirely separate to her professional life. Unless you've been to therapy sessions with her, you can't know for sure.

I reckon that access to therapy is so expensive in this country, that people put up with less than ideal situations because the alternative is having no outlet whatsoever.

Obviously it depends on the severity of the illness and now well managed it is at the time they are working as a therapist, but overall I don't see it as a problem. I find it harder to understand how someone who has never had any mental health issues would be able to relate and understand enough to be a useful therapist to be honest! At least this one has experience!

This could well be true, this hadn’t occurred to me.

It doesn’t sound very helpful, but I’ve never used a therapist, so, perhaps I just don’t understand it.

If you’re not happy, then report, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

With my therapist ex-"friend", she essentially decided to "fill my head with nonsense" through oversharing personal problems.

This included complicated, intense, dramatic conflict situations with every agency and everyone. Bit like your acquaintance.

I was quite lonely and naive at the time and had boundary issues. I also was trying to avoid some of my own issues through problem-solving for someone else.

She was quite charming and fun and had a big social group. However, she regularly "tested" people to see who would fall into her drama/bullshit traps.

Unfortunately I had poor boundaries so showed myself to be vulnerable by listening to her drama stories and "supporting" her.

So she "turned it up".

For a time, I ended up enabling or her or getting caught up in her complicated narratives (which may or may not have been true).

It was all about attention for her. She wanted me thinking about her all the time, or worrying about her actions.

She would have destroyed my mental wellbeing if she had stayed in my life (she stalked me after I was able to detach from her and tried to get to me through others).

I don't follow her on SM but last I looked her up she regularly does GoFundMes for her personal finances, or puts stories about how she's being bullied and suicidal or fighting this agency so needs support.

Its all trying to find people to enable her and give her attention. Not my problem to solve.

AVOID THESE TYPES!!!! Block them and move on.

Yes you can - there are various companies that provide this for self employed people and you can then subscribe to an update service that you pay for each year to keep it up to date