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Original poster

Friends asking for their money back

370 replies

Nicolasaa9 · 29/01/2026 11:41

Hi, I am not even sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need to vent.

My two closest friends and I planned to go to an event together. I live in London, one friend is in Hertfordshire and the other lives up north. We agreed to book it in Leeds, get a hotel, and make a proper girls weekend of it, especially as the friend up north is usually the one travelling south.

Both friends have now said they are too unwell to go. They asked me to put their tickets up for resale, which I have done, and have also asked me to pay them back for their share of the hotel even though I am still going.

The hotel is non refundable, and I used around £200 of my own points to book it. There was an extra £60 to pay, which I asked them to split between them at £30 each, which felt fair given the points I used.

They are now asking for that £30 back. I am still going because I have wanted to see this event for ages, but it means driving four hours to something I could have reached in ten minutes on the tube, and spending the weekend alone.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling this is unfair

OP posts:
Nicewoman · 30/01/2026 20:31

Nicolasaa9 · 29/01/2026 11:41

Hi, I am not even sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need to vent.

My two closest friends and I planned to go to an event together. I live in London, one friend is in Hertfordshire and the other lives up north. We agreed to book it in Leeds, get a hotel, and make a proper girls weekend of it, especially as the friend up north is usually the one travelling south.

Both friends have now said they are too unwell to go. They asked me to put their tickets up for resale, which I have done, and have also asked me to pay them back for their share of the hotel even though I am still going.

The hotel is non refundable, and I used around £200 of my own points to book it. There was an extra £60 to pay, which I asked them to split between them at £30 each, which felt fair given the points I used.

They are now asking for that £30 back. I am still going because I have wanted to see this event for ages, but it means driving four hours to something I could have reached in ten minutes on the tube, and spending the weekend alone.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling this is unfair

I had friends like this. I got rid of them. Bye Bye!

When you organise these concerts, shows etc, if you don’t go, you don’t get refunds and you lose the money.

Also, I’m not sure this unwell excuse runs true: I think now they can’t be arsed and something better has cropped up.

pizzaHeart · 30/01/2026 20:53

Nicolasaa9 · 30/01/2026 11:22

Thanks for all the replies, it was honestly a bit overwhelming. I started second guessing myself and thinking that because it was points and not cash maybe I should just refund it, but that felt unfair to me and like I was being taken for a mug. That’s why I decided to post on here.

Reading the responses really helped confirm what I already felt, that it wasn’t reasonable. I do think there’s been an assumption that I can just absorb the cost because our financial situations are different, and also that by not going they’d actually save far more money overall on food, drinks, Ubers etc than what they paid for the ticket and hotel. And before anyone says it, of course I suggested keeping costs low. I genuinely didn’t care if we had a Happy Meal and a Greggs coffee. I just wanted to see them and make it cheaper for them.

Anyway, update. I’ve explained that the hotel is non refundable and that cancelling it would mean I lose £200 worth of Expedia points that I’ve built up, which is very different to their £30. I made it really clear that I’d be losing £200 that could have been used on my kids. They didn’t really respond to that and just changed the subject and started talking about other things. I wish I could share screenshots but obviously can’t.

I’m not making excuses for them because they have been a bit naughty lol, but I honestly don’t think they really thought it through and assumed I wouldn’t go and would be able to get the hotel refunded. Lesson learned and I won’t be booking anything again for anyone else.

I never book with someone else if them not going will change things. So basically I book local events if in case of my friend not going I would be ok to go on my own/ find anyone else to go with me.
Glad that you seem resolved it, hope you’ll enjoy the trip.

Jay311 · 30/01/2026 21:19

I'm sorry but you don't owe them a thing! It's THEIR PROBLEM if they pulled out. Go to the event and enjoy yourself. So what if you are on your own; you can talk to who you want, drink, eat what you want, go where you want, enjoy the time and space. Their hardluck if they are 'not well' enough to go the event. TOUGH! Hope you have a smashing time away!😊

Chinsupmeloves · 30/01/2026 21:26

Absolutely not, your points and it's non refundable. As a friend I would expect to accept this £30 loss. Xx

Ninjachicken · 30/01/2026 23:09

They are being unreasonable, but also two against one, i understand why you are doubting yourself, but DON’T

stichguru · 30/01/2026 23:23

Nicolasaa9 · 29/01/2026 11:54

Yeah I have a feeling they can’t afford to go now well at least one of them who is quite bad with budgeting money. It’s because I’m going and will be using the hotel that they think I owe them for their money back. I wish I had others to go with but I don’t and I don’t want to waste the hotel because I used my points for it

I think you mean the hotel is non-refundable so you would get no refund whether

  • just you went or
  • no-one goes
Presuming that you would get a refund even if you didn't go, then there's no refund for anyone and you can go, or not. If you could get a full refund if you cancelled the whole booking, then that would be the fairest thing to do, unless you can find other friends to buy them out.
Sgreenpy · 30/01/2026 23:52

What's the event?
I live near Leeds...

TomvJerry · 31/01/2026 00:13

Nicolasaa9 · 29/01/2026 11:54

Yeah I have a feeling they can’t afford to go now well at least one of them who is quite bad with budgeting money. It’s because I’m going and will be using the hotel that they think I owe them for their money back. I wish I had others to go with but I don’t and I don’t want to waste the hotel because I used my points for it

You should tell them that. Reiterate to them that the points could have been used on a trip with your children. I wouldn't stand for their nonsense I'd rather be lonely than fuckers like that in my life.

TomvJerry · 31/01/2026 00:15

Nicewoman · 30/01/2026 20:31

I had friends like this. I got rid of them. Bye Bye!

When you organise these concerts, shows etc, if you don’t go, you don’t get refunds and you lose the money.

Also, I’m not sure this unwell excuse runs true: I think now they can’t be arsed and something better has cropped up.

Show quote history

To add to this I wouldn't be surprised if the two of them made other plans.

Twinkletwinkly · 31/01/2026 00:20

I suspect once they realise they’re not getting the refund they were selfishly expecting they’ll suddenly recover from their illness and decide to go after all.

Mlb123 · 31/01/2026 00:35

Nicolasaa9 · 29/01/2026 12:23

They paid for the tickets I booked, although that was a bit annoying too as they paid in dribs and drabs, but I didn’t really mind. If their tickets sell, I’ll send the money back once it hits my bank account. I think they assume that because I used my points, the hotel was “free” for me and that if I go, they’d effectively be paying for me. I don’t know. I know it’s only £30 each, but I’m annoyed because it feels very last minute and more like a can’t be bothered or don’t want to spend any money this weekend situation. I’d much rather they were honest and just said they couldn’t be bothered

For your own sake please make sure you don't refund the money and when they try to press for it you make it clear that it is them letting you down and include the breakdown of costs. If you don't then they will no doubt continue with the idea that you are benefitting from them and it could end up a festering sore if they bring it up in the future and it's always with the viewpoint that they somehow were taken advantage of . Don't let them see those points as free because it's the same as money and you now can't use that 200 for a hotel stay with your family .

To my mind they were only interested in staying at the hotel because in essence it was only costing them 30. I bet if it had been a third each of the 260 they never would have wanted to go. They are cheeky greedy people who are letting you down like this when it was for their sake you were needing to book a hotel and of course it's booked for three people and would have cost you less if you were only going to book a room for yourself .

Just because you're still going doesn't mean they've paid towards your stay and that would only be the case if you were taking along two other people and they were paying 30 each to you to go . That's not the case and your friends are really being selfish arses xxx

Maddy70 · 31/01/2026 00:49

RandomMess · 29/01/2026 11:43

I would just say the hotel is non-refundable so if you cancel altogether then they will need to compensate you for their share of the full £260

This

ThrowingDi · 31/01/2026 00:51

Sometimes I think things happen in life, where you just have to accept people in life aren’t as into you as you are to them.

Yeah they’re being cheeky but it doesn’t sound like they really rate the friendship. There’s a hierarchy and obviously they/their family comes first. They aren’t putting that same thought process towards you/your family.

All I would say is, sometimes you need to just check your own value. It’s not about changing your personality or cutting people off but…there were probably some red flags before this that you didn’t pick up/ignored. I’m thinking although they said all the right things, it was likely a bit wishy washy and not as enthusiastic as you may have assumed. To me the distance is a big thing - if it’s not people you see often, there’s more chance of plans falling through. For me personally there’s certain friends I can book “big” things like this with, and feel confident it won’t be cancelled. But with other friends I’d get them to book or get them to do something low key instead of jumping straight to spending hundreds, travelling and hotels.

ThrowingDi · 31/01/2026 00:54

To be honest as well, there’s nothing stopping you from saying the tickets didn’t sell and not giving them any money back. Taste of their own medicine

nothanks2026 · 31/01/2026 04:35

They're not your friends. You know that, right?

shhblackbag · 31/01/2026 05:04

Well, it cost you about 300 to find out they're not really friends. I'd at least take the 30 if the tickets sell.

CorvusPurpureus · 31/01/2026 07:03

'Hi both, total cost of this trip was £260 hotel plus £300 tickets. £560 or £187 each. Each of you has so far paid me £30 towards the room & for your ticket, so you each owe me £57.

If one ticket sells at full price, you'll owe me £7 each which I'm happy to write off. If they both sell, I'll owe you each £43 which I'll transfer to you. If I can't sell them, I'll let you know so you can settle up with me.

I did originally intend to donate my £200 worth of Expedia points to the good cause of a fun weekend away with mates, but as you've now both flaked & left me going on my own to a show I could have seen in London with no travel/hotel expenses, I don't feel it's fair to end up significantly out of pocket into the bargain.

Will keep you posted about the tickets!'

They will never speak to you again & if the tickets don't sell they won't pay up, but hopefully they'll shut up about it...

Lolights · 31/01/2026 08:03

Rainbowsandlollipops1 · 29/01/2026 11:57

My friend did this. 5 of us paid to stay for a hen do, she had to pull out last minuite and asked us all to give her a bit of money back for her share!!!

Show quote history

I don’t get people like this.

I paid around £150 for my place on a cheap group holiday several years ago. When I had to pull out due to work issues I didn’t dream of asking the 5 remaining girls to reimburse me! I accepted it was just a loss I was going to have to suck up

Movingonup313 · 31/01/2026 08:21

CorvusPurpureus · 31/01/2026 07:03

'Hi both, total cost of this trip was £260 hotel plus £300 tickets. £560 or £187 each. Each of you has so far paid me £30 towards the room & for your ticket, so you each owe me £57.

If one ticket sells at full price, you'll owe me £7 each which I'm happy to write off. If they both sell, I'll owe you each £43 which I'll transfer to you. If I can't sell them, I'll let you know so you can settle up with me.

I did originally intend to donate my £200 worth of Expedia points to the good cause of a fun weekend away with mates, but as you've now both flaked & left me going on my own to a show I could have seen in London with no travel/hotel expenses, I don't feel it's fair to end up significantly out of pocket into the bargain.

Will keep you posted about the tickets!'

They will never speak to you again & if the tickets don't sell they won't pay up, but hopefully they'll shut up about it...

This is brilliant! Their £30 request is ridiculous but this request is spot on. Id not make any plans like this with these pals in future or if it was an event i was really keen on, equal splitting of costs - they are at it. Enjoy your break op.

Colourz · 31/01/2026 09:16

They’re mean

Kisskiss · 31/01/2026 09:35

Don’t go either, ask them for 60 quid each to cover their share of the loss on the hotel

Lolights · 31/01/2026 09:38

Sometimes I think things happen in life, where you just have to accept people in life aren’t as into you as you are to them.
Yeah they’re being cheeky but it doesn’t sound like they really rate the friendship.

I agree with this OP.

Regardless what you decide to do in regards to paying them or not, I think more importantly you need to reflect on the significance of how your “closest friends” are treating you.

It doesn’t sound as if they value you or their friendship.

If I had to pull out of a trip and was effectively leaving a friend to go on her own, I’d apologise profusely and wouldn’t be asking for any money back. It’s a no brainer as you can see by the poll.

They have showed you little, if any, consideration or empathy.

ObsidianTree · 31/01/2026 11:04

Have their tickets sold? What happens if they don't sell? Will they end up wanting to go?

Icebreaker911 · 31/01/2026 12:58

Tell them to FO - I would! (what's the 'Points' thing though 🤔)

NotThisShitAgain121 · 31/01/2026 13:06

Tell them to fuck off you have used all your points to pay for most of it and they now let you and are are bitching over 30 pounds each end the friendship and fuck them.