Friends asking for their money back

[Nicolasaa9]

Hi, I am not even sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need to vent.

My two closest friends and I planned to go to an event together. I live in London, one friend is in Hertfordshire and the other lives up north. We agreed to book it in Leeds, get a hotel, and make a proper girls weekend of it, especially as the friend up north is usually the one travelling south.

Both friends have now said they are too unwell to go. They asked me to put their tickets up for resale, which I have done, and have also asked me to pay them back for their share of the hotel even though I am still going.

The hotel is non refundable, and I used around £200 of my own points to book it. There was an extra £60 to pay, which I asked them to split between them at £30 each, which felt fair given the points I used.

They are now asking for that £30 back. I am still going because I have wanted to see this event for ages, but it means driving four hours to something I could have reached in ten minutes on the tube, and spending the weekend alone.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling this is unfair

I’m another poster who doesn’t quite get the maths here, but I totally understand the principle - no way should the OP be paying her ‘friends” anything!

@Nicolasaa9 read your update and can't believe they basically ignored your message, didn't address the content of it.

they haven't just been "a bit naughty". But I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who don't think before spending money. Also, they didn't think before getting you to spend your points.

Even if I assume that they are genuinely ill, I would then think that they actually should give you some money because of the loss of your points.

@Nicolasaa9 These ‘friends’ of yours don’t respect you and continue to take the piss. You’re letting them walk all over you.

A bit naughty?

Are they really your friends?

Convenient illnesses.
Conveniently moves the conversation on when their shoddy behaviour is pointed out.

Appreciate they have been friends for a long time. But that behaviour is a signal that they are too self involved/immature/whatever to reflect and apologise.

As has been pointed out dozens of times if you cancel it’s incumbent on you to make life easier, not harder, on the friend you’ve let down.

Tell them to ask the hotel for the full money back. And then at least you’ve got your points back 🤷‍♀️ The contract is with the hotel, not you.

Disclaimer- I’m not seriously suggesting this. It’s just to point out to her that it’s not your fault she can’t have the money back, it’s the hotel rules.

Why should she “split the difference”? What does that even mean - the difference in what? If I owe you £10,000, would you be happy if we “split the difference” and I pay you just £5,000?

NoFiller, it means that she should turn the tables on them and ask them to pay her, while making it look as if she is doing them a favour.

Honestly, this isn't something for you to get upset over.

They didn’t really respond to that and just changed the subject and started talking about other things. I wish I could share screenshots but obviously can’t.

I’m not making excuses for them because they have been a bit naughty lol, but I honestly don’t think they really thought it through and assumed I wouldn’t go and would be able to get the hotel refunded. Lesson learned and I won’t be booking anything again for anyone else.

Nicolasaa9, If your friends carried on talking to you as per usual and didn't give you any more grief, I think you've taken the sensible option by viewing their behaviour as thoughtless, rather than a deliberate attempt to scam you.

You can't change other people, only your reaction to them. So, in future, always say what you want and stand up for yourself. Don't let others disrespect you, even if they do so unwittingly (as may be the case, here,).
You don't have to be bossy or selfish, just self-assertive, calm and fair.
Enjoy your independence and have fun at the concert!

I would do this.

Hi, You are probably feeling a bit more aggrieved about this and are not thinking clearly. To me, it's plain to see what you must do. Explain to your friends that you accept that they genuinely cannot go and you will contact them soon with a resolution. What you must do is , use your calculator, and calculate all funds and find out how much out of pocket you are. If you have incurred any LOSSES then , to be fair , make all parties share their part of the losses incurred. Take your time and explain that you haven't worked it all out yet. Put everything in writing , explaining all breakdown of costs etc. To all parties.

they think that the points meant it was free for me and now they’re paying for me?

They need to understand that the points hugely subsidised their share and so they are very lucky only uk be £30 down.

You are not being unreasonable at all! Something similar happened to me like this but I was the one that had to pull out due to my DH being ill I wasn’t able to leave him with DS. I told my friends I couldn’t go - I couldn’t get the ticket sold so lost out on that money - I also paid my share of the hotel room- even though I wasn’t actually there! I felt this was only fair as I was the one that pulled out. Asking you to cover their costs when they have let you down is completely unreasonable! I’m sorry to see your friends are treating you this way ☹️ I would ask politely for them to pay the costs as a result of them pulling out- that’s how it normally works! Really unfair otherwise! Maybe a lesson for future on these particular friends

Absolutely agree- don’t know why this has fallen to you to sort out - cheeky feckery

I think you need to be more firm about this. You are now left going to an event on your own that has cost you £200 in points plus meals, time (4 hour drive each way) and now going solo which had you not accommodated them, would have cost you your ticket plus your tube ticket and maybe a meal beforehand. Explain that it is unfair for them to expect you to fund this event solely and that you would like another £55 each to cover the costs of the non refundable hotel. Explain that it is not your job to get the tickets sold. Explain that if you now don't go you will have lost £200 plus ticket cost compared to their £30 plus ticket cost because they have chosen to back out of going and that while you accept that illnesses happen, you will not be arranging another event because of their dismissal of your financial position.
Unfortunately You are not going to see that cash because I think they think you are rich and should just suck it up - real friends don't do that to one another even if there is a financial difference. I also doubt that they are really seeing you as a friend and more of a cash cow.
If I were you, I would get a couple of different pals to come and use the tickets if they haven't been sold since they have already been paid for with the hotel and not a jot would they pay for the tickets.
Such a shame OP - you should lovely but your friends ....do not. Hope you enjoy the gig.

Really rude of them! You’re definitely not unreasonable because if they’d booked themselves and cancelled and you weren’t going then that would be 260 out of pocket so they should count themselves lucky that you managed to sell their tickets

It’s non refundable so they can’t have a refund, regardless of whether you stay in the hotel or not. Cheeky fuckers.

Both unwell at the same time? Yeah, right.

They are being unreasonable. Loss these friends at once, it’s not your fault they can’t go

Tell them you've decided not to go and as it's non refundable you'd like reimbursement for their share of the £200 points you used.

Totally and utterly unreasonable of your friends. Even if you had split the entire cost between you - so about £80-85 each? - they would still owe you that money. The fact that it’s only only about £30 they’ve spent and they are asking for it back, is totally crazy. They are ill and cancelling so they need to suck it up. Bonkers.

It’s scary that people can think like this.

My family were due to go away with another family between Christmas & new year. Cost to each family £1000. My DM died the day we were due to go. Only one member of my family went 2 days late. No way would I have ever asked or expected a penny back. Total CFs.

I bet if their tickets don't sell they will suddenly 'recover' and be able to make after all!

What on earth are you seeing in Leeds that cost £300 a ticket though?

CF re: the hotel.... f you paid £200 in points and they each topped up by £30 would the hotel have been £260 if you'd been paying cash? They're doing well just to be £30 down, if you'd all paid cash it would have been nearly £80!

YANBU and well done for pointing it out to them rather than sending the money to keep the peace - the fact they didn't argue speaks volumes! They knew it was cheeky.

Unfortunately that happens sometimes where people can't go but if there's no way to refund the ticket, hotel, transport etc. for one person then they lose their money. As is life. I'd be on my knees thanking you for covering the cost of the majority of the hotel tbh! They could've been far worse off than £30 each!

Tell them you aren't going to go either and go anyway. I wouldn't refund them, its £30 each, it's not the end of the world, I'd rather lose out on £30 if I was them than expected you to pay it back, very cheeky! It's their decision not to go, it shouldn't be up to you to pay them