Friends asking for their money back

[Nicolasaa9]

Hi, I am not even sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need to vent.

My two closest friends and I planned to go to an event together. I live in London, one friend is in Hertfordshire and the other lives up north. We agreed to book it in Leeds, get a hotel, and make a proper girls weekend of it, especially as the friend up north is usually the one travelling south.

Both friends have now said they are too unwell to go. They asked me to put their tickets up for resale, which I have done, and have also asked me to pay them back for their share of the hotel even though I am still going.

The hotel is non refundable, and I used around £200 of my own points to book it. There was an extra £60 to pay, which I asked them to split between them at £30 each, which felt fair given the points I used.

They are now asking for that £30 back. I am still going because I have wanted to see this event for ages, but it means driving four hours to something I could have reached in ten minutes on the tube, and spending the weekend alone.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling this is unfair

You need higher standards. Why would OP be friends with someone who is trying to shaft her? The friendship is already over, caused by their actions.

Thanks.

In this case OP, send them the tickets and let them deal with the resale, unless you think you can make a profit. If you can cancel the hotel to get your points back and let their 2 x £30 payments be the non-refundable deposit part, I'd do that. You only booked the hotel because of them. Go to the local event instead. Don't tell them about the hotel cancellation.

Would they give you £200 of nectar or Clubcard points? Maybe if you put it that way they will see who’s being unreasonable

They think you shouldn't use the hotel that they have paid a small percentage for? The same friends who have chosen not to go and leave you in the lurch for a lot financially?

Nah. Tell them the £30 isn't refundable, they can still come if that's a problem.

She’s already confirmed with the hotel that they won’t refund

and the tickets aren’t selling as it’s not a big demand event

so the friends have screwed themselves over!

I hope OP goes and had a fabulous time - and eats three breakfasts and uses all three beds!!

Absolute cheek of them! YANBU, I’d never treat a friend like this.
Have they replied to your message?

Really unfair, annoying and hurtful.

I agree, you should say, "I've had to cancel it, so the total you now owe is the thirty pounds, plus a third of the points I've lost monetary wise". Or something similar.

Let them know how much you're out of pocket from them dicking about. It sounds like you wouldn't get away with this if they were paying and you wanted a refund.you

whatever happens how are you going to feel about making plans going forward?

They're using you.

The hotel was non refundable. You're aren't responsible for covering their cancellation.

I won’t be the first to say this, but I don’t understand your maths

Room cost = £260
OP contribution is £200
Friend 1 is £30
Friend 2 is £30

Put together they’re not paying 1/3 of the room, so how is OP going to ‘enjoy their share’? Not to mention how’s it going to be so enjoyable going alone in a distant location?

But by them cancelling, they are making you have to pay for the whole thing on your own, AND give them £30 each. Oh and go alone.
It would be an absolute no from me. I'd be telling them you're very upset at being forced to either go all by yourself and pay for their shares in addition, or don't go and lose all your money.
They're not friends if they think this is ok.

Did you let them know op that you won’t be paying them out of your own pocket as the hotel is non refundable? In future id recommend not using points when booking with friends, why should you subsidise them for free when it can benefit ur own family.

You either pay up and then resent your friends.

Or don't pay up and then your friends resent you.

They agreed to go knowing the full cost that could not be refunded. They renegged on their commitment. They need to suck it up. If they cause an issue, they are not really your friends and you really haven't lost anything in the long run.

Perhaps your friends haven't thought this through. It sounds like they're being selfish, but they just might not have considered this from other angles.

You booked the hotel for 3 people using your points, which were worth more than 6 times as much as they paid individually. You were actually contributing £57 to each of their hotel costs. You have lost out because you're not even going to have their company, which is what you were paying for.

The accommodation is non-refundable so, no, there's no refund.

It's not as if you're getting money back because you're going alone. Why should you pay them when booking for just you would have used up less than half your points?

You didn't have to use your points for them and they could have been out of pocket by £87 each. So, they should be grateful for small mercies!

I'm not sure if anyone else has asked this question or made this point, but...

Is it that only the Expedia points aren't refundable, but the £60 would be if you cancelled the hotel room completely? And is that why your friends think you should pay back the cash they'd paid?

If so, I still think they're in the wrong here.

It may be points rather than hard cash, but they had a value of £200 towards a hotel, which you could have used at another time for another reason.
Your friends have bailed on you, after happily accepting £57 each of your points towards their share of the hotel accommodation.
I think that it's unreasonable of them to expect you to either lose all your points or to pay them when they have let you down.
However, I can see how a small minded person might look at the situation and think, "Well, my cash is refundable, so she ought to give that back." In which case, I'd ask for the cash equivalent of their share of your points, as you could have booked a smaller, cheaper room for yourself.
I'm sorry your friends haven't considered you and your feelings at all. I wouldn't worry so much about their feelings then either, and say you'll split the difference: £86.66 - £30 = 56.66, but you'll just ask for £28.33 each instead because you wouldn't want to be unfair to them.

They may not, as I previously said, have considered this properly. Or they might just be selfish, thoughtless bints who don't know how to be real friends. You know them best.

CF! The hotel cost £87 each (£260 divided by 3). If they paid £30 each, you were already subbing them £57 each. Or put another way, you paid 77% (£200 of the £260) of the hotel costs, rather than only your 33%. Very generous.

Did your friends know when you booked the hotel was non-refundable? If so, they knew they wouldn’t get their money back if they couldn’t make it. By rights, they also owe you £57 each for the remainder of the non-refundable hotel costs.

So, if they want to play hardball, if you sell their tickets to the event, you can deduct £57 from the money you return to them. Plus your admin fee for selling their tickets for them. Maybe round it up to £60 each.

If they argue you’re still using the hotel, that’s irrelevant. They can’t get a refund if you don’t go. So surely they don’t begrudge you making use of a room that you’ve paid 77% of the cost of, to save them paying you an extra £60 each.

However, is the hotel not able to give you a credit note rather than a refund? It seems pointless to pay travel costs (train fare, petrol?) in addition to the the hotel when you could go to the event alone near home. Then you could use the credit to take your family away elsewhere.

Or, if the booking is for a triple room, is the hotel able to move you to a single
room/occupancy rate and refund (or give you a credit for) some of the money. If breakfast is included, the hotel will be saving on two breakfasts and may be able to relent the room at full/reduced price.

Luckily, they’ve already paid you for both the ticket and hotel. So, they’re in a rather weak position. You can simply refuse to give them the £30 back. And if you manage to sell their tickets for face value, you can deduct the £57 for the remaining hotel costs.

This is mental. People do get ill.

But, OP, you don’t owe them any money back. It’s their problem.

You were doing them a favour in the first place to use your points to reduce the cost of the hotel for them! What a pair of cheeky fuckers. Just tell them the hotel in non-refundable, end of.

I would just tell them as you have said here.

“The room is non-refundable. I contribute a large chunk of that in points which is the equivalent to £140. I could have used those points to spend with my kids but I WAS happy to use my points if you both pay the remaining as I wanted to make the whole trip as affordable as possible for everyone. Now you’re bemoaning £30 each after I’ve organised it all and now you’re leaving me to go on my own? I’ll give you any money I manage to scrape back from the tickets but the accommodation is non-refundable so there’s no money to give you back whether l go or not.”

im sorry your “friends” are treating you this way. They’re CF. I wouldn’t want them as friends tbh.

Leeds on the other hand is an awesome friendly city. Go and enjoy the event and make use of some relaxing time in the hotel.

You say driving up - do you need your car or could you get the train? It’ll likely save you time and you can switch off too.

Have a great solo weekend ☺️

I think you need to be much clearer with them.
"Guys, the room i booked is not refundable and the cost was not just 30 quid each...it was much more but I paid it on your behalf with points. I'd prefer to go somewhere near me too now I'm alone but with all that cost for the hotel it doesn't make sense now. Also, the tickets are not shifting and it's likely you're not getting your money back. Are you sure you can't make it? It's such a waste of money.".

What I don't get is usually, when the money has been out down, people make the effort to go. People only act like this usually when they think there is no. Financial downside for them. I really hope they did lay in advance for the tickets. I would also be getting them to sell on their own tickets. Even if you have the physical ticket, you could send them a photo and let them do the leg work.

Re selling the tickets, OP bought them all and was then paid back (slowly) by the CF’s so I expect only she can put them back for resale. If the CF’s want to advertise more widely though that’s up to them

Can you go with anyone else, to use their tickets instead of reselling?

yanbu at all; they are being cheeky

They've paid £30 each for the hotel and likely hoping they can get their money back for the event in Leeds if the tickets resell, as they often do. I'm betting that the friend in Herts hasn't forked out for her train fare to Leeds and initially planned to drive, the other friend lives up north. So at the moment they haven't lost much money and that's perhaps why they've pulled out.

Why should she “split the difference”? What does that even mean - the difference in what? If I owe you £10,000, would you be happy if we “split the difference” and I pay you just £5,000?

Thanks for all the replies, it was honestly a bit overwhelming. I started second guessing myself and thinking that because it was points and not cash maybe I should just refund it, but that felt unfair to me and like I was being taken for a mug. That’s why I decided to post on here.

Reading the responses really helped confirm what I already felt, that it wasn’t reasonable. I do think there’s been an assumption that I can just absorb the cost because our financial situations are different, and also that by not going they’d actually save far more money overall on food, drinks, Ubers etc than what they paid for the ticket and hotel. And before anyone says it, of course I suggested keeping costs low. I genuinely didn’t care if we had a Happy Meal and a Greggs coffee. I just wanted to see them and make it cheaper for them.

Anyway, update. I’ve explained that the hotel is non refundable and that cancelling it would mean I lose £200 worth of Expedia points that I’ve built up, which is very different to their £30. I made it really clear that I’d be losing £200 that could have been used on my kids. They didn’t really respond to that and just changed the subject and started talking about other things. I wish I could share screenshots but obviously can’t.

I’m not making excuses for them because they have been a bit naughty lol, but I honestly don’t think they really thought it through and assumed I wouldn’t go and would be able to get the hotel refunded. Lesson learned and I won’t be booking anything again for anyone else.