Being treated better after losing weight - how true is it?

[ButIloveher]

I’ve read it on here, and elsewhere one social media many times. Women say that they are treated better once they’ve lost weight.
I want to understand what’s going on with this. Is it that rude or abusive behaviour (like being stared at or laughed at) stops, or is it that positive behaviour increases (eg being complimented or flirted with). Or are people just low-level nicer all the time?

I am not fat enough to be particularly noticeable or a target for stares, and I am also not young and pretty enough for men to be interested in flirting with me, so it’s not like if I lost weight there would be a big change in my physical desirability.

So I’m wondering whether bog-standard-overweight, average-looking middle-aged women like me really notice a change in how they’re treated? Or is it just that young pretty women suddenly get noticed or very large women stop getting abuse?

I definitely think it's your inner attitude that counts. I've been size 10 and size 20 and everything in between, and didn't notice much difference in how I was treated, and was just as successful dating at all sizes!!

I have lost 7 and a half stone. Some people treat me very differently now. A lot of it makes me uncomfortable. (Especially men).
I've always been quite chatty, I actually find myself becoming more introverted because of this. Im actually trying really hard to maintain my healthier way of life now due to having better health and mobility.
Most women have been incredibly supportive.

I’m going through this right now. I’m 45, was 12st 12lbs and am now 9st…just this weekend gone on a night out I had men in their late 20’s flirting with me and the hotel I was staying at, the man at reception gave me a complimentary upgrade and breakfast, without me asking. This has never happened before. But I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

Unfortunately and sadly some people see a very overweight woman and think: fat = greedy, lazy, weak-willed, lacks drive. It’s awful. I know a lady, very overweight (21/22 stone I’d guess). She’s a people pleaser, will do anything for anybody from making cups of tea to airport drop offs. She is taken advantage of. I think she’s terrified of anyone making comments about her weight. I feel so sorry for her.

Weird language. They may see her as attractive now, when they didn't before. It's not about being worthy.

Errrm, no so much from my perspective. But then I've never particularly worried about feeling invisible. I'm tall with a large bust, that hasn't changed, and although I don't barge into people, I also don't meekly stand aside either.

Although introverted and preferring solitude, I'm also pretty confident and sociable enough too. I've had no problem making friends with fellow parents, joining pre-existing friend groups etc.

Can't say I noticed a difference when losing weight.

I’d it thst people are more upbeat etc after losing weight? So more content in themselves and that shows? I find if I eg dress up I walk more confidently and get treated better in eg shops than if I fall out of bed and drag myself in!!

I’ve been a size 22 and a size 10/12. I’m tall so carry it well, but still look large. No one has ever said d anything rude to me, called me names, laughed whatever, but you oddly invisible (considering you are obviously bigger). So I think the niceness increases. People smile at you more, hold the door open for you more, just SEE you more. I’ve definitely felt excluded from some things because I don’t fit the mold (this from women). And I’ve also felt a change towards me when I’m no longer the fat one in the group. I don’t think people notice they are doing it - unconscious bias.

At my biggest, I was a size 24, very close to a 26. And I was either invisible or an object of ridicule to men. Complete strangers took time out of their days to mock, ridicule, insult and humiliate me. Things like shouting abuse from their cars, or as I walked past, I remember going to a football game one day and a guy jeering “here’s our BIGGEST supporter” as his mates laughed and made comments like “who’d fuck that”, comments like “beep beep, wide load coming”, I recall one man running up behind me, putting his hands on my hips, then holding his hands my hip-width apart and saying “fucking hell”, then asking his mates to guess how wide I was. A blind date told me he didn’t like fucking elephants.

I don’t get any such insults, ire or comments now that I’ve lost weight. I’m a size 14 now, so still have weight to lose. But I’m much smaller than I used to be.

People definitely are more pleasant and more helpful. It’s very clear. As a morbidly obese woman, I got used to being ignored, in fact I welcomed it, as it was better than being humiliated. It isn’t an issue anymore.

I’m 45 so not young, but I definitely get more attention when I’m slimmer.

I think it’s bc I’m more confident and dress better as well as aesthetics.

Bloody hell, that’s horrendous! Where do you live? Those men sound very low-class.

I don't know about that. I once worked with a guy who couldn't stand me, and he once got drunk and said it was because I was too confident and didn't "act" like a fat person. I've never lacked confidence, or physical ability. I ran half marathons while fat, I climbed mountains etc etc. I genuinely don't think my perception of myself or manners of bearing has changed. I think people do treat me differently though.

Well, I lost nearly 8 stone (spousal bereavement stress) and I haven’t really noticed much difference in life.

Other than a huge clothes bill. 🙄

I was obese for over a decade, it happened in a variety of places

Im so sorry you experienced all that. It’s horrendous.

Why is it weird? It’s true. They see her as worthy of their time and attention now. And they didn’t before.
It’s a shitty thing to do. To only chat and be pleasant to people you fancy. We should all be nice to each other.

Yep, at my biggest I was a size 24 too, had a car stop next to me at traffic lights and wind their windows down just so they could tell me how fat I was, several times men in white vans have shouted f’fat’ insults at me as I walked along the side of the road, many and varied comments by drunk blokes and women in pubs or on nights out, teenagers in shops…. It was nothing to do with my personality or how confidently I portrayed myself as these comments were made in a split second without ever interacting with me so they were purely based on the visual of my size and societies willingness to see fat people as less than and worthy of mockery.

Im a size 10/12 now at 42, after being obese from age 11- 41 and yes I am treated differently. It’s actually made me hate some people because they are suddenly nice to me after years of ignoring or dismissing me. I can’t help but see them as horrible, shallow, pathetic individuals worthy of my contempt.

It almost always does though
slim and healthy is more attractive than overweight or obese

I’ve lost 6 stone going from a size 20 to a size 12/14.

I can’t say I’ve noticed but then I am incredibly antisocial and generally don’t engage with people, plus I work from home so I never actually see anyone.

At a size 18, I was well dressed, well groomed, very confident and outgoing with rock solid self-esteem.

At a size 8 I am well dressed, well groomed, very confident and outgoing with rock solid self-esteem.

People (both strangers and those who know me) treat me considerably better at size 8.

It’s well documented that overweight people, especially overweight women are discriminated against. Overweight people are less likely to be promoted, to gain leadership roles and are likely to be paid less than their slimmer colleagues.

I have no respect for colleagues and acquaintances who treat me with more respect because of my dress size. I am just as competent, educated and interesting at size 18 as at size 8. The difference is attitude is theirs not mine.

One of my biggest shocks was quite how unpleasantly and openly quite a lot of people talk about overweight people behind their backs.

I really, really object to the narrative that “it only seems like people are nicer to you because you’ve got nicer now you aren't a self loathing, envious fat cow”

People are nicer to thin people.
People are nicer to attractive people
People are nicer to younger people.

It is true. Even if people don't treat you better, a lot of them THINK better of a slimmer person that a fat one.

I've lost 105lb and gone from 22 to 12/14 & I can't say I've noticed much difference.

Mind you I usually walk around with a huge grin on my face & chat to people a lot, so I usually get quite warm responses whatever my size.

I have noticed more men being flirty, but I ignore them 😁

I’m so sorry you experienced that 😭 It reflects badly on them and shows what awful people they are. It had nothing to do with you.

Even when I was very overweight I was very lucky to be prettier with more weight than I am now so didn’t suffer in the horrendous ways described by others

However now I’m very slim and not as pretty (bony face) people are still even nicer to me than before so I conclude that there’s a fuck of a lot of privilege with being thin

my very best mate when pushed agreed that I wasn’t pretty like I was before so I know I’m not imagining it 😂

I’m not sure! I’ve heard about ‘thin privilege’ but I don’t know whether it’s true or not. I’ve lost about 70kg so definitely enough for others to notice my size when I was bigger & my size now. I can’t say I’ve noticed a huge amount of difference but maybe I walk round with my ears & eyes shut.