To buy my 16 year old alcohol to take to a party?

[VoteForPedro]

Wondering what the norm is? My DS is 16, nearly 17. He goes to gaffs / parties here and there and his peers are now drinking ans some have been for a while. He tried alcohol for the first time at a party a few months ago after not really wanting to try it before. He’s now asking me to buy him Smirnoff with raspberry for a party which he says is 4% so the same as beer. I know it’s normal for teens to drink and I’m glad he’s telling me and I know where he would be having it but I also feel a bit unsure given he’s 16.

Tricky. I think I would. Otherwise he will get it elsewhere

I wasn't really happy about it at 16, but I would rather know what they were drinking and give them an opportunity to show maturity, for both my DD's it seems to have worked out (university age now), one is pretty sensible but drinks socially, the other is teetotal and I think that is partly because she was allowed to make her own mind up, rather than making a bigger deal out of it, but guess this might not be the outcome for everyone, and have heard some horror stories about some of their friends drink too much 😀

I bought alcohol for mine once or twice at that age but they were drinking it at a gathering at my home. I don’t think I would do it for a party? I put a question mark as I’m not sure. Possibly? It would depend on the party and the level of supervision there I think.

It's a divisive subject on MN but at least he seems to be looking for your blessing and talking to you about it.

At that age, I just used to bung my friend's older siblings a few quid to nip to the offy for supplies.

My mother did for me at that age. She thought it would be better to drink in a house, than drinking on the streets.

I barely drank when I was 18+ because I got it out of my system (pun intended.)

It’s a very tricky situation though tbh.

Is he 6th form college age? I Think this is ok as most 6th formers when I wrnt to college were going out clubbing. Year 11, I don’t think I would

I agree it's good he's telling you.

I may be in the minority, but I don't do this with my teens.

I know a lot of people do buy their underage kids alcohol to drink unsupervised, so it's likely that it is the norm, which is what you are asking, but not everybody does it.

I would add that I don't drink anymore as I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which started in my mid teens. Alcoholism runs in my family so am very cautious about frequent/excessive/underage alcohol consumption being normalised to my kids (all teens).

Agree it is a minefield and a divisive subject on here.

I think that it really will depend massively upon what your kid and their peer group is like.

Good luck

I would (and did) as I'd rather have an idea of what they're drinking rather than them drinking something else (possibly stronger) anyway. However I think I was more liberal than some MN posters on alcohol for under 18s.

If you are going to buy it, make sure that you get the 4% Smirnoff Ice raspberry and not the stronger versions. Some of the cans are 10% alcohol. Smirnoff raspberry Crush vodka is 35%

I buy my 15yo similar smirnoff and WKD for a party. We give him 4 and don't supply it for his mates. I also buy alcopops for friends dc aged 16 and 17 when we have parties, or offer beer or cider. It's once in a blue moon. We aren't rough honest! I reckon it demystifies booze for them. I'd like ds to be able to have a few drinks, know his limits, enjoy a buzz with getting blackout drunk when he's older.

I would agree it simply so he's got it to drink, you know what he has been drinking, he knows he can call you if there's a problem and no one else "helpfully " buys him something for the party which might be stronger and in greater quantity.

I did for my DSs at that age. I used to buy them Cider with lowest alcohol content possible. I hoped it would reduce the spirits intake. One ds was always sensible, the other less so and I was rung on more than one occasion by his friends to collect him as when drunk he used to want to go home.

I was brought up by an alcoholic so I could’ve had got drunk from 6 years old! But I would never have asked my mum to buy me alcohol (I was too scared to discuss much with her) so I just got it from others.

I drink healthily around my daughter and when she is 16, I will be very pleased if she’s open with me about it and I will provide her with a small amount to take to parties. I will also let her have a small amount of Prosecco at home on special occasions too.

Yes a few 4% or lower drinks for a party at 16. Not ideal but realistic, I have teens the same age and older. Better than them swigging someone else’s vodka. Still talk to them about being sensible, the dangers of getting drunk etc.

If you don’t mind me asking are you having those conversations with your kids?

I think it’s so important that kids start learning about this early then they’re armed with the knowledge that their experience may not be the same as their friends.

Don't mind at all - yes we are, I agree it's important.

Amongst their friends there is a variety of experiences with alcohol. Some drink a lot at parties, some not at all, some somewhere in the middle.

Absolutely not. Whether we think it’s okay or not it is still illegal and kids don’t need to be drinking. I’m not naive but I’m certainly not going to help my kids drink or break the law.

Key UK Alcohol Laws for Under-18s:

• Buying: It is illegal to buy or attempt to buy alcohol under 18.
• Public Consumption: Police can stop, fine, or arrest anyone under 18 drinking in public.
• Restaurants: 16 and 17-year-olds can consume beer, wine, or cider with a table meal if accompanied by an adult.
• At Home: While it is illegal for under-18s to drink in public, there are laws regarding consumption at home (usually with parental supervision).
• Proxy Purchasing: It is illegal for an adult to buy alcohol for someone under 18.

When I was 16 (and for a few years before) we were buying a litre bottle of paint stripper vodka from the local Londis (early 2000s on a council estate and nobody gave a shit) and getting absolutely arse holed on the school field whilst telling our parents we were sleeping at each others houses. We'd rock up to some very very sketchy house parties and stay there pissed as a fart. I'd much rather buy DD a bottle of WKD and send her off to a place I know where she is. In reality, just as I came from a house where alcohol under the age of 18 was banned, she'd find a way to get it!

Patronising much?

Do you genuinely think the parents on this thread who have sensible discussions with their teenagers, and buy them alcohol don't actually know the law?

I was drinking in pubs at 16, and think the move to “think 25” is a bad thing. While my DD (16) has not yet had alcohol in any serious volume (half a can of cider at most), I’d rather when she starts drinking it be in a pub than a bottle of vodka on the park.

IMHO it would be better for 16 year olds to be able to buy weaker beers/cider in pubs than be out on the street/at parties.

Is it patronising to say not to do it because it’s against the law or do you not like being reminded of that because it’s inconvenient? If they know it then why are they willing to do it? Breaking the law is breaking the law - sensible conversations or not thats just a fact.

I have very sensible and open conversations with my kids but don’t feel the need to break the law for them.

I get you don’t agree which is fine but let’s not passive aggressive about it because you don’t like it.

And actually a lot of people don’t know the drinking age …..

Not sure. I don't think I would outside the house, but would give a bottle if indoors socialising at home.
Anyway, part of teenage life is figuring out how to get booze for a party.. don't make it too easy!

I remember growing up with a bunch of kids more or less the same experiences but there were wildly different outcomes based on addiction predilection. I know myself there are some vices that are always going to be problematic and I was happy to figure that out earlier than later (same with different friends I remember one saying ‘I liked blank way too much the first time I had it and I knew it would be a problem’ not everyone is that lucky to see early signs.

Anyway appreciate the chance to ask that question!

To @VoteForPedro and other parents this is an important discussion to have regardless of family history,1st but with family history it’s critical.

Is it patronising to say not to do it because it’s against the law or do you not like being reminded of that because it’s inconvenient?

It's patronising to say it's against the law.

Unless you think you're literally the only person on this thread who knows the law.

Your kids will drink alcohol if they want to.

The only difference between them and the kids of the posters on this thread, is that they won't let their mother know.

I would
Better to know what they are doing than not. Make it forbidden and they will want to try it more. I would though check where party is and if hors know it is happening

Those that I know where it has happened has been so supervised so parents made sure lots of food etc. most end up on tea and toast.