To buy my 16 year old alcohol to take to a party?

[VoteForPedro]

Wondering what the norm is? My DS is 16, nearly 17. He goes to gaffs / parties here and there and his peers are now drinking ans some have been for a while. He tried alcohol for the first time at a party a few months ago after not really wanting to try it before. He’s now asking me to buy him Smirnoff with raspberry for a party which he says is 4% so the same as beer. I know it’s normal for teens to drink and I’m glad he’s telling me and I know where he would be having it but I also feel a bit unsure given he’s 16.

There’ll already be loads of booze at the party. Couldn’t you give him a few lines to take instead?

Mine are adults now who rarely drink but you have to be realistic about teenagers and alcohol.
For gatherings / parties after age 16 I would let them take one bottle of fruit cider. I was wary of alcopops as they can be glugged like pop. I preferred it if they drank beer because they struggled to drink a lot.
Lots of discussions about the effect of alcohol, that some get angry and aggressive, loss of inhibition and willpower.

At the same age, I was invited to a party.
I was a sensible girl, didn't get in trouble, quite a nervous kid but I had a lot of friends.

I was invited to a party and told my mum. She asked if people were going to drink alcohol and she said it's fine if they are she wanted to know. I was honest. I said yeah, she asked if I wanted to drink alcohol, I said hmmm maybe lol. She bought em a small bottle and said if she picks me up after and I'm hammered, I'm never aloud to a party again. I drank what she got me, had a great time and didn't get overly drunk, little Merry!
I didn't break my mum's trust and I was literally given so much freedom cause she trusted me and I can say I never lied to my mum and we had an amazing relationship until she died when I was 19.

Your child will get it regardless. Teach them about drinking only their own drink, don't put it down. Your trusting them etc.
My friends mum never let her do anything, she lived and was the worst behaved of everyone I know. She was going to get punished when she went home so she might as well have a 'really good time'.

@Nezukokamadoyeah I was a bit annoyed. I would have let her because she’s sensible but i thought it was odd!

I gave DD a pack of alcopops (Smirnoff Ice/WKD) or cider to take with her to parties at that age. I’m well aware that were kids drinking much worse - if she had really wanted hard spirits then she would’ve had access to them via friends but thankfully she was quite sensible (and didn’t like the taste😆). She also would’ve had a glass of wine or two with me at home/restaurants.

Everything in moderation is the best way in my eyes. I didn’t make alcohol a forbidden fruit, nor did I really encourage it (definitely wouldn’t have been one of those parents buying bottles of vodka!). As a result I’ve got a well adjusted 21yo who drinks socially but knows her limits - she never went mad with alcohol and we’ve never had any drunken disasters/horror stories, thank goodness.

Make sure you pack the condoms as well.

including that if he did, he wouldn't have to hide it from us.

There you go ^^

Do you think the PP with the patronising C&P about alcohol laws is the sort of parent her 17 year old wouldn't have to hide it from?

Because I really don't.

I'm well aware not all 17 year olds drink, one of mine didn't and he's 26 now and still doesn't.

@Overtheatlantic this may actually have to be a convo too as he has a girlfriend too he’s now being seeing for a few months… I’ve had some chats about the importance of protection ‘should you need it’, consent, respect etc but he just goes MUUUMMMMMMM SHUT UPPPPP! 🤣 I know he’s listening though and I’ve brought it up a few times. He says they’ve only snogged but I’m not daft. He also told me at a NY party there was a couple his age having sex there 🙈 Which is legal, but still, I’m not ready for all this!! Might have to buy some condoms for him too 😬🙈

17 feels different to 16, but I don’t think I’d want to be involved in supplying alcohol that may be given to other underage drinkers. I also wouldn’t want to have underage drinkers in my house. It’s a tough one really. I think I’d say no if it came to it.

Isn't it technically illegal?

Vodka is rather strong for an 18 year old don't you think?

Be aware that fatalities can and do occur when teenagers go drinking round a friend’s house. It tends to be a teenager who has been goaded into drinking games, then gets so drunk they apparently fall asleep on the sofa. Only, they’re not asleep - they’re dying, as their brain is overwhelmed by the toxin. And no one notices.

Make sure you educate your child on this.

Whose party and what is already being provided? Is your child at the lower end of the age group attending? Maybe there is a parent at the other end attempting to control what comes in.

Personally I think parents are far too relaxed about this area in general

You'd be surprised how many don't know the law or who think they do but have it all wrong; it's frightening.
There are so many misconceptions out there about the law that are never corrected; many could easily end up walking themselves into trouble unintentionally.

Due to my line of work, I have come across this often,

If you don’t buy it they’ll be swigging neat vodka out of the bottle.

Plenty of my friends think their teenagers don’t drink and have no idea they are buying neat spirits from the garage.

What I (and it seems most parents) at this age did was to make the other parents aware that I would be providing a crate of beer and keeping an eye on things.
I'd much rather my kids and their friends were having a house gathering with an adult around rather then skulk around the skate park with older teens swigging neat vodka. I'm not naive, I know kids would take spirits as well, but if your teenager is curious and has friends who are drinking I think saying no isn't going to prevent them drinking and may well have worse outcomes.

No. Not at 16. I’m no puritan but the damage to developing brains should not be underestimated. I’m their mother not their friend; I’m not going to enable them to do something harmful. They still know they can call me if they get into a situation they want out of, without getting into trouble. It’s perfectly possible to foster that kind of relationship without putting the alcohol into their hands. Giving them clear reasons why not to do it so young gives them confidence to say no.

Better alcohopop than trying his mates vodka as he didn’t bring anything. Also avoids secrecy around drinking. Good to learn limits with something sensible and low risk. Make a deal that’s all he has though if you supply it.

I also wonder about the “yes because otherwise he’ll drink something stronger” argument. If you send him with cider, he’ll drink that and then the stronger thing anyway.

I’m not anti it. I just think it’s a bit delusional to think that because you’ve provided cider, they won’t drink vodka.

There are other things you can do though. I always try to make sure I see him and talk to him when he gets in. That way I can assess how much he’s had.

i’m sure many under 18s don’t drink at all, but if they’re going to house parties, they are going to drink no matter how much you have warned them of the dangers.

I wouldn't, no. Because these type of parties are high risk for all sorts of problems from sexual assault to alcohol poisoning, accidents to damage to some unfortunate parents home, and I clearly wasnt cool enough to overlook that to actively help my DC to add to the risk with another bottle.
They 'will get it elsewhere' only because there are other adults who see no harm or have given up and provide it. Not being able to prevent sonething and actively facilitating it are two different things and the active facillitators are the reason it can't be prevented.

@VenusClapTrap

It is nonsensical to suggest there is any impact on "developing brains" from having a few beers at 16 rather than 18 (which DC can legally do with a meal in any event).

Look at all the southern European countries which have much lower rates of alcohol harm, where DC are introduced to alcohol in a sensible way from a much younger age.

@5128gap

Ridiculous hyperbole.

It sounds like you're a nice realistic mum with a great relationship with your son! I hope I have the same when my DC are older. I dont want to be a hypocrite and say "booze is evil" when I was drunk in a bush at that age 🤣 I think providing access to low percentage alcohol, taking any exciting naughtiness out of it, and having a relationship where they know they can call you for help, is the best course.

If you think the risks I've mentioned are things that don't and can't happen, you will make a different choice from me. The OP asked if other people would do it, and I answered her. Interested as to why you would seek to ridicule me for a choice and opinion that harms no one. I get it. You're cool and I'm not.