To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Totally normal for a 4 year old imo. I wouldn't say picky even - people seem to forget that children are allowed preferences just as we are! My daughter is 21 months and will happily eat curries, spag bol, stir fries, tortillas etc but turns her nose up at chicken!

Agree.

It really comes down to control imo.

The grandparents want their way of things and want OP to control her child because he won’t eat what they give him the way they expect/want.

Hummus is at least healthy and typically consistent, gravy is definitely not.

its the pips in strawberry or raspberry jam that I don't like.

I was most definitely not allowed to be a picky eater when I grew up as it was the old school eat or go hungry but I so remember hating gravy and Sunday lunch as it was so dry without the gravy but I hated the gravy.

Ignore them and carry on, they will see sense soon or just tell them not to make it out to be a thing.

its your PIL issue. It’s totally normal for children to have preferences, just like adults do!! It’s weird we expect children to eat everything. Sounds like he’s very healthy. It’s much better he learns to listen to his body around eating. Unfortunately the older generation caused lots of body issues and eating disorders in their kids by forcing them to eat foods; it’s so damaging

He's not a picky eater - he just doesn't like gravy flavoured foods.

That's ok. And he shouldn't be forced to eat foods he doesn't like.

How is not liking jam picky?

Cheap jam (the sort you get in most supermarket birthday cakes) doesn't have pips in it. And you can get specifically seedless jam if you do want to have jam without the pips! Raspberry jam with pips in does lead to some seeds-in-teeth faff but can't say I notice the pips in strawberry myself.

My granny and mum would make bramble jelly from blackberries and apples so we had one of those muslin jam bags on a stand for filtering it out, they'd make seedless raspberry jam using it as well.

We had greengage jam too and the skins left in that were nicknamed "slugs" which put me off it for a few years 😭

I so agree with you! I am in the great grandparent age and my sibs are older (wartime and immediately post war) My parents never forced us to eat stuff we didn't like. The options weren't luxurious but were always there.

Sounds like he just doesn’t like gravy or things with that particular flavour profile. He might grow out of it, or it may stick with him for life. My DS refused to eat typical ‘child’ foods, the ‘kid’s menu’ was a horror to him so he’d order a starter as main instead. That’s not picky, it’s just a preference. My cousin would only eat sandwiches till he was around 10. That’s picky.

What weird chilli you must make

Yes I know! but maybe the child mentioned does not?

Wow! So if you dislike a commonplace food you’re picky?? Batshit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

I have tried to avoid the toddler fussiness phase but sadly it came. There’s very little that can be done about it within reason. Your child really doesn’t sound that bad though. I’d understand if he only liked one thing, but sounds like he has a good balanced diet, he just doesn’t like gravy! So ignore them.

For the shepherds pie - I often make a big batch of bolognese then make a “shepherds pie” with the rest - so a tomato sauce rather than with gravy. Now I know it’s not then technically a shepherd’s pie - but it’s delicious with mash and lots of cheese on top!

It's the dichotomy of liking strawberry sauce, which is basically strawberry flavoured sugar water, and not strawberry jam, which is slightly thicker strawberry flavour sugar water. When he doesn't seemingly object to the texture because he likes other spreads. It's been a long standing thing since he was preschool age and at this point it's a mental label of "I don't like jam" and he hasn't tried it for years. Fair enough, it's not a problem except he gets annoyed he can't eat a lot of birthday cakes. I just think objectively he probably would like it if he tried it. But nagging at someone to try a food they think they don't like just puts them off it more! (I say from experience)

DD doesn't like potatoes (particularly mash, she'll do chips at a push but they have to be skinny or they're too "potatoey") and my MIL absolutely despairs about feeding her apparently. Too picky.

She'll eat most veg, lots of fruit, most meat, breads etc. she just doesn't like potatoes. So she eats a lot of pasta/bread/rice/veg with her dinners instead. It's not a big deal aside from the fact most people do meat and two veg and it's usually a potato based side and then they (MIL) panic about what to give her.

If it was something like sprouts or carrots they'd just give an alternative veg or at least be accepting of it.

My advice is to ignore, and continue as you are. He's eating well. He might never like gravy, some people don't. He'll get looked at like I do when I say I don't like strawberries (WHAT!?) because it's not a common dislike but hey ho. It is what it is.

He wouldn't care, he wouldn't want to try it, because "I don't like jam". Encouraging him to try a different sort of jam or one with or without seeds or as a jam tart or a sandwich or anything, wouldn't go down well. Until he comes around to wanting to like jam and being open to considering it, just have to avoid jam. Luckily not the end of the world.

His younger brother who says he doesn't like vegetables on the other hand...

Get that, but still wouldn’t consider it picky if he eats everything else. Would categorise that as a simple preference.

I agree with him on the strawberry cake thing. I love jam but don’t like it in cake especially when there is already icing on the cake because it is too sweet to me.

I don't like jam. Too sweet. I do like raspberry/blueberry etc coulis which have been made with more fruit, less sugar kind of thing. Wouldn't matter on strawberry because I don't like strawberries, but I can see the point.

Sauces often have a different, less sticky/cloying texture than jam too.

I also dislike cake with jam in it. It seeps into the sponge.

Tell PIL to leave him alone!

I was a fussy eater as a child and everybody harassed me about it and forced me to eat and sat me at tables for hours. Result? I am still picky and emotional about foods.

Both my daughters were 'picky' as children and I just let them eat whatever part of the Meal they wanted (no sauces? fine... just eat your plain chicken and potatoes then).

These days? They are brilliant eaters who eat so much more variety than me,

I can't believe my 15 year old that I (internally) celebrated trying a bite of margarita pizza when she was 4 now lives off sushi and curries.

Sounds like he eats loads of different things.

He doesn't like gravy and he doesn't like dry meat - that's not what I'd call 'picky' in a toddler at all! Even for an adult, that would only be mildly picky.

I don't think it's 'picky' to like bolognese, chilli and curry, but not to like shepherd's pie and hotpot - they're completely different types of flavour.

I'll eat virtually anything, but I draw the line at batshit. 😆

As I say, what constitutes "picky eating" will always be a matter of personal opinion and I personally would judge a rejection of gravy - given that it appears in so many similar guises in roasts, pies, stews etc, as picky eating indeed.

OP's boy is very likely to grow out of it and come to relish gravy, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he recalls, "My goodness, I was certainly a picky eater in those days!"

What does he suggest is done? Force feeding the child?

My daughter wouldn't eat sweets growing up, and would refuse them at every opportunity, including from her grandparents. She was picky, by the same logic - however I always got praised for it!

He sounds like a very normal three year old. Adults get to avoid the foods they don't like, or at least learn to tolerate them. Children don't have this opportunity, so if they don't refuse a food, it will be served to them repeatedly.

This attitude from some people that kids have to eat everything annoys me, I bet they have things they don't like so why shouldn't a child?