First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Your dating strategy is ineffective - you've wasted 4 weeks getting to know his online persona, and you could walk into the restaurant - any restaurant - and know in an instant that you are not attracted to him. Doesn't matter how many pictures you've seen, 'in the flesh' is a very different matter.

Not to mention that it's easy to fake anything over messaging. Such as preferring to go on a fancy date. But oh no, it's booked, or he can't get that day off, or x or y or z.

Plus he's 'promising you the earth', and you are not asking yourself why? You are a stranger. That's the real reason to get the ick.

Frankly it just sounds like some sort of romance scam at this point. All this flattery about what a sophisticated woman you are, how you’re so alike with your fine tastes and desires to splurge and spoil, and he can just tell already that you’re “not like other women”, endless messaging and calls to make you feel flattered about how much this high-earning dreamboat wants to talk to you and get to know more about you.

Willing to wager that if you did go on the fancy date there would be some mishap at the end meaning his card wouldn’t work when it came to paying the bill so you’d have to. (I bet that’s why he hasn’t booked, the in-demand restaurant probably requires a deposit at booking.) And after that you’d need to transfer him some money “until he sorted it out”, but obvs he’ll pay you back, honest, you can trust him, you’ve shared all your hopes and dreams with each other, this is something special.

You seem very shallow. And buying a new outfit for every outing really doesn't scream class.

Yes, scam is the first thing I thought, create emotional connection, feel you out about money/lifestyle then downgrade the date (amount he needs to spend) at the last minute, the fact the OP is on the internet discussing this means that emotional connection has already been made?

One of the great advantages of old age is realising that destination bars, being treated like a princess and promises that 'he’s ready do give me the world' all boil down to nowt when it comes to who'll unblock the lav or drop yer mam at her chiropodist appointment.

Much better to have a coffee with a nice bloke, hit it off and start off like grown ups.

Exactly, so obvious really, just tell him to meet you at Greggs for a take-away coffee, your treat, and see what he is all about.

Oh get over yourself OP. Rearrange the date ffs

It would have been a MUCH better use of your time to meet the poor fella for a coffee (it can be a fancy princessy coffee! There are some VERY wanky coffee shops these days...) and work out whether you're even basically compatible and attracted to each other, than spend multiple hours a day FaceTiming each other.

This thread is weird.

Except you're not getting to know him, not really. He could be feeding you all sorts of lines - it's very easy to lie or mislead over messages.

I think you're being a bit over the top getting your nails done and ordering new outfits for someone you've never met.

You sound like hard work to be honest. You'd give me the ick! 😂

Haven’t RTFT but you sound high maintenance and shallow. You put off arranging a date with him and now you’ve got the ick (pathetic phrase) because he can’t get you in at your destination restaurant. Please.

Im almost certain you would have spent more time instagramming the meal than actually getting to know him. Why don’t you just meet for a walk or a coffee before demanding expensive dates?

But that sounds awful as well - ‘catch a gold digger out’? ‘A millionaire’? What a way to think about people. I suppose I veer sharply away from any profile of a person flashing a watch, draped over an expensive car etc, but clearly they know what they’re doing, some people love all that.

Don’t meet. Lucky escape…….for him.

So you need to ask advice on dating all of the time?

We can't see your other threads as you've name-changed.

There are no silly responses.
99% are very sensible but you choose the ones that fit with your own mindset.

You are being very unreasonable for using the stupid word 'ick'.

You should just date the restaurant instead.

I think you’re what’s called high maintenance

You both sound quite hard work tbh. If youve got the ick before youve even had a first date then call it off or dont go. Or lower your expectations and go and see what the connection is like in person.

😂

Are you sure he isn't winding you up?

...???

Have you been watching one of those 'feminine energy' channels on YouTube?

Yes. He has FaceTimed me every opportunity he’s had which has been excessive tbh. At first it was nice but it’s become an expectation for multiple hours a day now

and you carried on? Encouraging him?

🤢🤢🤢

I think OP sees being called high maintenance as a compliment.