First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Be careful he sounds a bit scammy and forexy

He presumably held off booking because you wouldn’t confirm a date any earlier and he thought you were going to bail on him/ghost….

Most decent places now charge a cancellation fee (the hospitality industry is in financial dire straits post Covid and COL crisis) so no wonder he didn’t race to book a reservation he might not end up needing.

you’re being unfair

go somewhere more casual first date and if it goes wrong you can go to this nicer place for the second

She invested in the new dress and nails for the venue, not for the man. If she'd known it would be the boss man chicken shop she was going to, she'd have not bothered to make the effort.

Yes, this.

It's an easy place to get to, and an easy place to leave if things don't work out.
Having a first date at a fancy restaurant is piling on unnecessary pressure.

Absolutely this!

Are all the posts on here creative writing exercises now? I can’t believe anyone is this vacuous. If this is for real, and op cancels, he’s had a narrow escape.

Can you not go to one of the other venues that has availability but still wear your new dress and have your nails done?
You seem as though the venue is your main consideration which comes across as inflexible and stubborn. You might be giving him the ick with this!

This is great, thank you.

im ignoring the silly responses about my personality or my dating preferences. Shock horror, people prefer different things. It’s actually quite amusing how on my other threads people have unanimously told me how hard done by I am and how poorly I’ve been treated, yet when a woman sets an expectation or standard for herself there’s an attack on her personality. Funny that 😂

But just coffee isn't instagrammable, what's an OP to do?

Ok I’ve just seen the update about the baby voice.

Fair enough. Ick warranted. Move on 😬

The problem with modern dating online is that you can’t gauge the chemistry until you finally meet. By this stage you’ve already connected in your head. It must be so disappointing to find out that face to face there is no real attraction.
In real life you can’t edit what you say or how you react. If you have been talking to this person completely via text each communication can be finely edited and does not reflect the real you.
The fact you have built up your first date to be the perfect meet up says a great deal about your expectations of this person. And more about your ridiculous expectations of relationships.
I agree with other posters that a quick coffee date would have been a better way to judge whether it was worth committing to a full evening with this person. Have you considered that your date may be judging you in the same way you judge him. If he’s looking for a high maintenance woman then he’s hit the jackpot.

Yes, you are being a princess. Either you are interested in him or the thought of a fancy meal. If it's the latter, you are shallow. If it's the former, it doesn't matter where you go

To be honest if you lived somewhere where there is only one decent place to go out, there aren’t going to be a variety of nice coffee shops and places to drink. I can see why the OP buys a new outfit each time as everyone would have already seen it if they all go to the same place!

OP you don’t even sound like someone who ever thinks they’re being unreasonable, so I’m puzzled why you’d ask us our view on the matter.

Just decide, own that decision and move on.

^^ This - you have never met this person and now you are pissed as as he couldn’t get into some fancy pants restaurant - that wanted to try-
he has certainly dodged a princess shaped bullet

I think his wallet would agree 😃

You sound like a high maintenance nightmare.

Total princess.

If he has annoyed you this early in there really isnt any point in going on with arrangements for meeting up. But what a fuss before even a first date.

When the expectation/standard is to 'be treated like a princess' and given the opportunity to flaunt new nails you must surely expect some kind of reaction. Nausea perhaps? Or that particular kind of 'PAH!' that only women of a certain age seem able to master.

I haven't read all the posts but....you aren't being unreasonable. The ick is the ick and you never get over it.
He's pushy, needy and has let you down. Cancel now and move on.

The whole dynamic is super unhealthy with you and he both trying to create an artificial "chase" which comes across as hugely inauthentic. Had he organised a nice date for you because he was excited to meet you it would be cute, as he's doing it (or not doing it) because you've set this expectation that you are a princess to be won by jumping through hoops and proving he is up to your standards it comes across as toxic on both sides. I don't think you're compatible and I would have the ick, though maybe for different reasons - but i'd also suggest having a think about what the qualities you want in a partner really are because I'm not sure the ones you're sourcing for right now are conducive to long-term happiness.

You sound like an insufferable child, and hard work. I think the fella's had a lucky escape.

I used to live in a country with many rich men.

One of them once told me that many will try and catch a goldigger out by suggesting a cheap first date and see their reaction.

Following that, a millionaire invited me on a first date for a coffee. I accepted and he went on to be very generous.

Cut the line and let him move on to someone less intense and demanding.

Doesn't matter how much you've clicked, how many times you've spoken to each other, which of your hopes and dreams you've shared on late night calls and messages... You can meet them and there's just zero chemistry. It's happened to me many times. If that first date is in a fancy restaurant, you're then essentially trapped.

First date shouldn't be a meal. If you insist on 'liking the finer things in life' (eye roll), meet for cocktails. Keep the evening free if you're enjoying his company and move on somewhere else, with the option to leave if you know it's not going to work out.

The poor man is asking whether he's annoyed you, because he's annoyed you and he can tell. Why would be so ungracious?