First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

haven't read the whole thread

I don't like to judge

Read the full thread, or at least OPs updates. You did judge and you did it without the full information.

It all sounds exhausting, why spend a month messaging, it seems like a complete waste of time to me?

Ah, so now we see the real you. Not only arrogant, demanding and dismissive of anyone who has a viewpoint different from yours, but downright fucking rude.

Ditch the guy - it'll be a lucky escape for him.

I think that he should dump you! You should like REALLY hard work!

So if this is "the place" and uber fancy, what happens the next time you have a first date?
If thats the only place your standards will allow, its going to get weird pretty quickly if you are constantly there on a first date.

OP, there was a thread running in the last 12 months, about a woman who gets fed up with a lot of her first dates actually being “just a walk” - this divided opinions, but at least the man you’re posting about isn’t suggesting a stroll round Tesco car park

it turned out that this poster was using very old profile pictures, so when men met her f2f they probably had a shock and decided a walk had the easiest get out option!

You are NOT being unreasonable. This is a huge red flag. If you have made everything you expect clear then that is your standard. Now it is possible that the reservation was messed up, but then why is he essentially saying “let’s go to Nando’s”. If you mess up a reservation at the Ivy, there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to book another place of equal calibre in which case you can still wear your dress and feel special. What I don’t like is that he has said the fancy place isn’t available so let’s do something low key.

If your don’t set your standard in a relationship early, then the other person does. Hopefully they are the same standard but if not, you want to know.

Personally I'd be a bit anxious that something I'd got comfortable with might look different when meeting in person. Or maybe I wouldn't meet expectations. If it doesn't work for whatever reason you can always chalk it up to experience.

No matter how you dress it up, your OP asked are you being a princess, I think it is more than obvious that many people think you are!
I don't know what else you want from this thread & your replies to justify your feelings are little tiresome now...mumsnet has answered your question. Do you not have a dinner/ event/ appointment/ someone to facetime/ insta reel to post to be at now😊

It would be different if they already knew each other and had clear feelings - then fancy date makes sense!
It just seems very strange to do it as a first meeting ever, when they have no idea if they like each other

I can understand wanting a nice date arrangement and the excitement around it but he doesn't appear to be up for that - as you both feel differently about it it's better to let it go. He might have picked up on any 'princess' vibes

Yes this
You sound like hard work

I love the AIBU's where most people respond that OP is indeed being a bit unreasonable and OP proceeds to argue back. I mean, you did ask!?

Wow. This is a car crash waiting to happen.. and it seems you’re driving

I haven’t RTFT but does anyone else think he had never booked the fancy place? That this was a bait/switch to cheaper venues?

I wouldn't hang around you if I were him. Do him a favour, leave him before he gets hurt. It's more humane that way.

God yes! You sound like a superficial nightmare OP.

Princess

I think you are wrong to believe you can get to know someone simply by corresponding with them online. Our former neighbour is a classic example. Narcissist, drug dependant, lazy moron who could be very eloquent in his writings and could come across as highly educated.

Enough that his now wife moved from her home land several thousand klms away, and when she did, he did everything he could to discourage her making friends. Even her closest friends back home were not allowed to visit nor knew of the impending wedding..

go and have that coffee and save the dress for a later dinner.

Be frank but polite. "Honesty is not only the best policy, It is rare enough to make you pleasantly conspicuous".

But by waiting a month you've increased the chances of the script being fed to you. If you met him a few weeks ago you could have already seen he didn't walk the talk and binned him off.

🙄 I see so many of these “ah now we see the real you”, “now you’re showing your true colours” blah blah posts on threads when someone is trying to make the the poster feel like a shitty person…when in fact she just served you a good come back and you couldn’t take it 🤣 It’s also accurate - if you can’t be arsed to read the updates don’t comment. She’s pissed off that he’s bigged himself up to be a specific type of person but as it’s got closer to the date it’s becoming clear he’s not that type of person at all and it was all for show to try and impress her. I’d be pissed off too.

I don't think you do actually value your time, if you have spent (by your account) multiple hours a day facetiming someone and speaking "24/7" without even meeting him. The fact you now have the ick before even meeting him because the reality (couldn't book a simple table) didn't live up to the bollocks he's been spouting for weeks surely tells you that it wasn't a good use of your time? Not to mention the time and money you spent on nails, shopping, whatever.

I don't care about your restaurant preferences but if I were you I would reconsider whether I'm doing things arse about tit.

You could have been on 20 coffee dates with 20 blokes in the time he's been banging on about how good he is at booking restaurants.

I wish it was the guy who wrote in so we could tell him to run for the hills!
You sound rather painful 😂 Good luck

Are your perhaps ND?