First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

I see a bunch of excuses. Just tell him you have changed your mind and move on, it isnt fair on him(or you.) Usually finding these excuses not to meet someone is your inner voice saying you shouldn't, rightly or wrongly. Just be kind and honest.

I would be encouraging this man to run for the hills... It all sounds like a complete headache and painful for a 1st date. More fun to be had in Colditz.

Yeah throw this one back. Let him swim free and find a more appreciative person who doesn't expect to be treated like a princess on a first date. You nailed it in your title.

hes asked for way too much too fast, 247 talking, pushing for dates sooner and sooner and now the place your organised to go to isn’t booked? Emotionally sharing too early on, lots of big promises, it’s a red flag parade OP. And now repeatedly seeking reassurance?
id get out of there now and don’t date him, either he’s pushy and insecure or it could be worse than that. I wrote a bigger better comment originally but now I’ve lost the bloody draft. I’ve gone and logged into my old acc to reply to this, seriously OP I wouldn’t date this guy.

Why ask for peoples opinions if you don’t want to hear them? 93% say you are being a princess. Suck it up!

Blimey give him a break. We all mess up sometimes. Just go somewhere else for your date and go the the posh place another time.

Or if you are now so put off, you don't want to go just tell him and you can both moved on

I agree with the PP who said you are actually the ick.

Sister, keep you sovereignty and dont apologise, he could earlier rebook an equally swanky place instead hes choosing the cheap seats at the back of shitville.
Coffee dates are insulting, and no woman worth her sparkle would accept, its looks like you got your self a 50/50 guy with the table from his mom's basement, he keeps checking in with you about if you're up set because whats hes saying really is " are you ok, did I get away with it, did I downgrade you without you realising, we still good, do you notice, are you still desperate????"
If a guy told you it was high end date, then changes his mind mid way by deliberately fumbling the booking, hes and ass. He knew what he did.
Value yourself, its truly not about fancy restaurants..its that he downgraded you mid way. Little shit!

I'd just go for a coffee, fancy restaurant next time.

I haven’t read all the replies on here, so someone else may have already said similar.

But it surprises me how, when a woman posts on here about dating a man who says one thing and does another, promises the world and barely scrapes up the bottom of the barrel, etc, how everyone comes on and says, raise your standards girl, you deserve better, set boundaries! Here you are, having standards about who you
would be happy dating and wanting to stick to your boundaries and you are being told to be more casual, lower your standards, not stick to your boundaries!?!

I think you are right to be disappointed and let down, and should not have to lower the bar in order to grab a man.

I also suspect this guy has been pretending to be someone he is not in order to impress you. The fact that he keeps needing reassurance tells me he is not the fine living, confident guy he has been presenting himself to be. I don’t think he ever booked the restaurant you agreed to go to, either. The fact that he is suggesting alternatives that are not on a level seems to say he doesn’t usually go to those type of places, may not be able to afford it.

So you either break things off now, or meet him at another place to see what type of guy he really is, which you can gauge face to face from his body language, as you talk.

OP how can you is listen to bullshit like “ I want to give you the world “ 🙄 from someone who has never met you in real life ???

What age are you both ?
You’re coming across as quite young to me .

Yes
There’s a reason you’re single!

You sound like a stuck up nightmare. Hopefully he sees this as a red flag and dumps you.

You’re identifying red flags for you. He may not be what he’s claiming to be. A 33 page thread isn’t really needed when you’ve not even been out on a first date. Cut your losses. Cancel the date and move on. Find someone who is more compatible.

Eeesh. This guy is dodging a bullet

I think he’s probably pretending to be someone he’s not. Perhaps he’s broke. Reminds me of this little guy
Take a look at this video, 'he broke funny video'

https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DtRsfxosRGKg&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwjv8siwqqySAxXwWUEAHfggAt0Qz40FegQIGxAK&usg=AOvVaw1c0nIF6B1w4DWFPpoddrJR

Is this the first time you’re meeting him IRL?
How old are you both?

Why is being single with standards a bad thing?

Is having any man the goal all women should be aiming for?

Yes you are being a 'princess'. If you were that into him a coffee and sandwich would be fine. Getting dressed up to meet someone you have never met! Really? Also what's this with texting 24/7. If he doesn't meet you then I don't blame him. You sound hard work.

I was going to say you're a princess but after reading your updates I think you're a legend! 😀
You have very high standards, which you have clearly communicated to him. Despite verbally agreeing with you, he has failed to act. Stop wasting your precious time Facetiming him, and take yourself out to dinner. Keep your bar high and don't tolerate nonsense from men :)

I'd have waved him off long before. He sounds too needy and like a liar tbh.

But yanbu. You've wasted enough time on this clown. Have you tried a professionals dating site?

But facetiming is sort of meeting. You can get an idea of someone.

I can’t think of anything more weird than a man I’ve never met calling me a princess and telling me how much he’d like to do for me 🤮

I'd want a first "date" to check compatibility before landing a 3 figure sum on a posh restaurant - coffee does that perfectly.

It does rather sound like you want some fairy tale experience, rather than practicality