First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Deffo. Love Bombing and I reiterate, ' sounds like the guy who Love Bombed me for months ( then disappeared along with my BBF) Leaving me Confused, Angry, Humiliated. Sorry to be melodramatic.!

Off topic but I’m curious - are you saying a lovebomber ran off with your best mate?

Well she's bought an outfit now.

It's not for me, a full sit down meal, but this is something OP enjoys doing with her time and this guy has said he also enjoys doing.

So if it's a mutual interest, eating in fancy restaurants, why wouldn't they do it for their first date?

DH and I both enjoy being by the sea and daft arcade games, so that's what we did for our first date: my local seaside town and a bag of chips on the pier. It's an environment we're both relaxed in, which makes it ideal for getting to know someone.

The reason for not doing it on what is not only your first date but your first actual meeting is because it’s a situation where it’s difficult to leave early if they turn out to be not quite the person they claimed, or otherwise someone you don’t feel comfortable with.
Veterans of internet dating will tell you that’s by no means an unusual situation.
It can be hard to fully enjoy the lovely and expensive food if you’re thinking ‘God he’s boring’ or even ‘eugh I wish this creepy guy would stop touching my thigh.’
That’s why the norm is to do a quick coffee date or similar to check he is someone you would be comfortable spending an evening with, and then knock yourself out on the second date if that’s your thing.
Your seaside town date would meet all the criteria of being easy to quickly escape if it’s going wrong, and low investment.

I was just answering why someone might want to go for dinner for a first date. Because they want to. They enjoy it and it's an environment they're comfortable in.

Any veteran dater would also tell you that meeting a man you don't really know for a coastal walk would have some risks too...despite how lovely my simple, easy to walk away from low investment date was it could also have ended with me trying to escape a horrible man in a quiet, more remote town (it was December so hardly heaving with tourists, and it's often quiet even in the summer).

You are being a bit of a princess but that's not a criticism lol, I am one too, you just need to find a guy who matches that energy which this guy doesn't! I don't think there's anything wrong with him, mistakes happen, but it doesn't seem like you are compatible.

Just bin him off, he sounds really tiresome.

OP, I'm definitely not a dating expert, but I met my husband relatively young and if I could give one piece of advice, it would be to move on from dead-end relationships quickly.
You can't gauge compatibility when chatting remotely, especially in the age of GenAI. You bet he is using it to craft at least some of his responses. Aren't you?

I've definitely been on dates where things seemed very promising before, but date just didn't work out.

Forget this guy for a moment. Next time don't spend a month texting with one person and building things up to a degree when you buy a new dress for a date.
Someone asking you out? Go for a short date in a public place and get to know them for real.
Don't like the date? Move on.

she doesn't think coffee dates etc are worth her while.
She thinks she can only get to know a man by hours in a posh restaurant and working through 8 courses.

you need to find humility, humbleness and Jesus Christ . Firstly who these days uses the “ick” over the age of 14 . And don’t go! Because he’s dodged a whole round of bullets

Whilst I agree you could have met him weeks ago. A man who promises the world and then fails to deliver is not worth the effort on your
part. Surely it would have been better to promise you realism, a coffee and a walk around a well populated area Would have been a more realistic first date.

I’m intrigued to know how you can get to know someone you met on Instagram without meeting them face to face

It sounds a bit full on for a first date. I would definitely prefer a short meet the first time.

Pursue someone. Hello, this is 2026. Not 1800s. You personally sound like hard work. I think he dodged a bullet.

You didn't get the ick, you are the ick. A first date is an interview. By what you are telling us, you failed it.

The first date really just is a smell test, whether you actually have *any sort of chemistry and if you can hold a conversation. At least that's what it is to me, which is why I try to meet relatively quickly to avoid wasting both people's time. I've had lovely online conversations with men who just weren't a good match in person.

If your standards are defined by what kind of fancy venue you meet at, that's fine, but you should be aware that a lot of guys will view you as superficial and quite possibly a golddigger.

Like the scantily-clad lady chase at the end of the Benny Hill Show!

Chalk it up to experience, move on,

Grow up and stop being such a Princess. It’s not ALL about you.

I think he’s all talk and you’ve got the measure of him very quickly @Brummytobites . As he insisted on booking the venue and making all the arrangements, why can’t he just book the correct venue now and stop all this whiny grovelling and guilt tripping? Job done. I’ve read all your posts and think that you know in your gut that this isn’t right, so leave it before it gets worse. Don’t second guess yourself. He sounds all over you like a rash! You’re an independent ND woman and this would be a nightmare.

Not sure if this post is a wind up. If I was the bloke you are due to see, I'd definitely give it a miss. It should be about the connection between two people surely, not the specific location of a date...

You sound high maintenance, maybe he should cancel on you

I think you should do him a favour and cancel the date 😊

If your standards are defined by what kind of fancy venue you meet at, that's fine, but you should be aware that a lot of guys will view you as superficial and quite possibly a golddigger.

It crossed my mind someone had pointed this out to him and he might have changed the venue for that very reason. Remember he is taking decisions about you too OP.