First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Gold digger!! Stringing him along for 4 weeks, and then cos its not the fancy resteraunt u wanted u want to finish it. Should have met for a coffee, given him the chance to run away 8

We definitely are reading different posts because in an update OP said she set the date she was happy to meet, and she NEVER changed that. He just kept trying to change it.

You are very determined that OP is at fault and are reading what you want into her post.

He seems v pushy be careful

You both sound like red flags. Oversharing emotionally too early is a red flag, similar to love bombing and your expectations make you sound inflexible and precious.

Without even reading anything further than your post OP you sound so entitled..my message to him,can you pass it on please ..Run sir,as fast as you can..as for you,you sound like a spoilt child..grow up fgs,why would you not meet up for a coffee first and see how you get on before you milk him for a big expensive night out,because thsts what you're going to do !!

I don’t get why you just wouldn’t meet him for a first date anyway

YANBU to want him to meet the standards that you communicated. So, he hasn't, you're not happy, line drawn...call it off. You have not been able to find a compromise this early, it is what it is...over before it began.

And all your responses are very much it's my way or the high way, so live by it. He is asking are you upset, he is right. If you go on the date - YABU!

For context - I dated online, eventually met my HUSBAND online. So I feel I do have some contextual experience.

I’m assuming this is a parody account? I’ll warn you, you have to really commit to get anyone invested these days. Katie Price is actually living it.

On the off chance this is real, this man should run as fast as his legs can carry him.

Or, you could read all her posts before deciding to judge her?

Sometimes you think something makes sense when you write it, and then realise it doesn't later. Or you realise there was something you forgot to say.

Try being a nice human.

You sound mildly insufferable, but he sounds dreadful, with a bouquet of red flags.

Tell him you're just not feeling it anymore, and move on.

High standards in my dating life doesn’t mean going to a fancy restaurant though. It means not wasting an entire month on talking to someone who I am not compatible with. Is this man someone I would want by my side during the best and worst times of my life? Are they going to fit into my family life? Am I going to fit into theirs? Do we have shared values in the things which really matter (e.g., goals for the future, sense of humour, are we aligned politically), and do we work together as a team? The OP has just talked about spending money and then some frankly insanely intense and needy behaviour on both their parts.

Any old idiot can spend money and make promises about restaurants.

And you are determined he is at fault. She said he messed up the booking and is frantically trying to find something for the day she wants, not for the day he wants. This has all been on her terms, sounds like he has taken her lead on time to wait before meeting, venue and day. What am I missing? This does not sound like the ideal start for a relationship.

Yes, this too.

OP to say he feels entitled to long FaceTimes and has been pushy about on which date you meet, now he’s trying to change the goal posts on where you meet despite you BOTH having previously agreed to go to this place.

If he did genuinely “mess up the booking” which is a bit pathetic, he would find a like for like replacement place. The fact he’s looking for a more casual place says it all.

When you think about this - it’s all about control. But he’s covering it up with simpering and a baby voice so you won’t notice.

If he upfront and said he would only go to a casual place or whatever from the start that would’ve been entirely different of course.

Honestly I would cut my losses now even if he does agree to go sort something out with the original place.

He promised you the world but can’t make a reservation?? How hard is it to make a reservation?

I think this guy is a bit of a loser.

Just make it the second date.

Is this really about the first impressions - ie; you want to wear the new outfit and think you can't unless it's the fancy place?

He probably isn't on that wavelength so isn't seeing the problem.

Yeah, her getting the ick is actually giving the ick.

Well the op could always ring and try.
That would at least flush out whether it's him or a genuine situation. And I'm sure he's thought of that, so am inclined to think it's genuinely over-booked.

He can't afford the restaurant that's why he messed up the booking! And now he's suggesting more casual places that he can afford. He was doing the talk because he realised that's what you wanted to hear. He's pretentious. Find someone else genuine

I think it's all about the new dress.

You don't say...

Move on. For both of your sakes.

I'm actually not. I'm just taking OPs posts at face value and trying to get her what she has asked for.

It doesn't matter whether she's set boundaries of wanting to wait to a certain point or the restaurant be a certain level or that she wants to dress up. None of that is the point. The point is she's been turned off by some behaviour and is wondering whether others would be to.

Love bombing you is a massive red flag. Putting on the baby voice is a massive red flag. I understand why you are upset about the venue. I think this guy is faking his lifestyle. I think his behaviour is controlling and dangerous. I vet people before I date them. This is after I did four dates in a single weekend and realised I wasted my time. But him video chatting you for hours is a massive red flag. He’s monopolising your time and demanding your time and attention.

I think this guy is a massive narcissist. You need to be very careful. Personally I would feign a skin infection and allow him to find himself another victim.

Think the likes of planning hakkasan and then getting miller and carter. There’s plenty of other places but these weren’t suggested.
I appreciate this may be a drip feed but I’m also ND and struggle with change of plans when I’ve had something set in my mind.

But would you be struggling as much if it was Miller and Carter and he was now suggesting Hakkasan?

OP, I would say you are best cancelling this date before it happens. Reading the info on him, he sounds desperate. I would say check out other possibilities. Make it a short date timewise just enough to suss him out. Then you could go on the sort of date you actually want.