Page 27 | First date ick - am I being a princess?

Brummytobites · 2026-01-26T15:01:57+00:00

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks. We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort. I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue. I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 27/01/2026 09:24

Gremlings · 27/01/2026 09:18

No, she doesn't. But, if someone has told you they're doing something, would you just do it anyway? Duplication of effort? Two bookings for one restaurant if he had actually followed through?

That's not what I said. You've invented a scenario that wasn't what I posted.

I was looking at the bigger picture. It seems she wants to be a princess and have a man falling over himself to woo her. Along with wine and dine.

From a practical point of view, as they were having trouble setting the date (she was delaying to suit herself) AND she knows the restaurant, it would have been fine for her to offer to book it on the basis she knows it - they know her (presumably) - and that's always good to ensure you get a good table.

She's said a lot but not actually said how he messed up the booking.
It seems to be a huge fuss over a booking that could be moved to another date. And, frankly, ridiculous.

If she gets so upset over something like this how would she cope in a relationship long term?
I wonder if she's ever had one?

Edited

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OP has said she's happy single. She is happy to take herself plenty of places and go with her family or friends on her own. If what she wants from a relationship to move from happily single into a relationship is to be treated like a Princess, that's entirely up to her. Why should she accept less than she wants to change a life she's happy with? I don't need to be treated like a Princess but I absolutely wouldn't accept less than my own standards just to be in a relationship, I'd rather be single.

She DID offer to book it and he said he was going to, so she didn't. She's also said he messed up by not booking. Which means he's said he'd do something and didn't do it then behaved like a child when she's expressed she's unhappy with that. It doesn't matter whether she could have done it herself, he said he was going to and didn't. I don't know why you are finding that part so hard to comprehend.

They are absolutely able to book a different date. I am pretty confident that the reason for this thread is that OP is unsure following his behaviour whether she wants to.

Bobsyouranty · 27/01/2026 09:24

It doesn't matter what the date is, and I say this as someone whose first date with DH was a shared bag of chips sat on the floor of a pier, that's between THEM. It's the behaviour around it that OP wants to discuss.

All of this @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos 👏👏👏

There was a pp who basically said her husband doesn’t take her out on any dates so OP should grateful she’s getting taken out anywhere 😫

So I suspect some women on this thread are offended or at least confused that what they would accept as a date isn’t deemed suitable or good enough by OP.

They are hyper-focusing on her dating preferences and ignoring the behaviour of the man which is what the AIBU is actually about.

@Brummytobites tell him to stick to the agreed restaurant and change the date. It can’t be booked up forever. Simple!

If he does this, instead of doing weird baby voices you can see it was a genuine mistake, and he’s willing to correct his error.

However, if he keeps trying to get you to go to a more casual restaurant - you can see the booking mix up is just a backdoor way of him walking back from his earlier commitment.

TaupeRaven · 27/01/2026 09:28

This sounds like so much fuss and overthinking and about a first date, but whatever works for you. At the end of the day, whether YABU or not, once you have the 'ick' it's unlikely that it'll magically vanish. TBH the "I want to treat you like a princess" would have given me enough ick to have run for the hills well before now!

Fancycrab · 27/01/2026 09:34

Bobsyouranty · 27/01/2026 09:16

But Op isn’t asking about whether she should like fine dining or not for a first date? I assume she’s not 18 and is an adult old enough to know what she likes to do on dates and how she likes to date.

Why are some posters so resistant to the idea that people like doing different things for first dates?

And can’t you see the issue with a man promising A,b and C and then changing the goal posts and saying he will only do X, Y and Z? It’s the principle of the thing.

Men typically show their best in the first few months so if he’s not following through on commitments now it’s a red flag.

What YOU or I would prefer for a first date it utterly irrelevant.

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Apologies I hadn’t read the updates. God @Brummytobites it actually must be very frustrating reading 27 pages of posters saying “why don’t you just go for a coffee?” 🤣🤣 (Why are MNers OBSESSED with coffee dates?!)
You’ve explained what the issue is really well in the updates. You’re put off by the fact he seems to be talking the talk but not walking the walk? He asked what he could do to make it up to you so why don’t you tell him what he could do and see if he can pull it off?

Ihatetomatoes · 27/01/2026 09:37

Cardinalita90 · 26/01/2026 15:06

It seems you're more bothered about the venue than meeting him which doesn't cast you in a good light either.

Also, texting 24/7 and emotional sharing before you've even met is way too full on!

Edited

This.

It all sounds very immature.

Dozycuntlaters · 27/01/2026 09:39

Look, everyone has their own dating style, things they want, what they dont want. There is no right or wrong and if you want to be treated like a princess then thats your right.

Forget all about that. For me, the neediness, the insecurity, the endless face times and expectations of that would be enough to send me running. There is nothing more unattractive than a needy man, that in itself is a massive ick.

Throw this one back, it won't get any better.

Lemondessert · 27/01/2026 09:44

Each to your own but hanging out 4 weeks to date is a lot. Especially because you can become over invested in a stranger. In your view he has messed up at the first hurdle. The danger is he isn’t who he says he is and may have exaggerated to keep up with you. I would prefer a more relaxed atmosphere and a quick escape if needed. I would give him a chance and change the date for a different day. Sometimes it’s wise to step out of your comfort zone and change your priorities I found and it worked out.

Bobsyouranty · 27/01/2026 09:44

Fancycrab · 27/01/2026 09:34

Apologies I hadn’t read the updates. God @Brummytobites it actually must be very frustrating reading 27 pages of posters saying “why don’t you just go for a coffee?” 🤣🤣 (Why are MNers OBSESSED with coffee dates?!)
You’ve explained what the issue is really well in the updates. You’re put off by the fact he seems to be talking the talk but not walking the walk? He asked what he could do to make it up to you so why don’t you tell him what he could do and see if he can pull it off?

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Fair play - I’m glad you have now read the updates and get it now!

I don’t know if it’s been frustrating to the Op but it’s been frustrating for me 🤣

(Why are MNers OBSESSED with coffee dates?!)

No idea lol seriously though it’s fine if that’s what someone wants for themselves, but I can’t get my head around the fact they struggle to realise it’s not for everyone.

He asked what he could do to make it up to you so why don’t you tell him what he could do and see if he can pull it off?

Exactly, this. Tell him what you would like and see if he actually follows through.

If he doesn’t time to cut your losses and move on Op.

OneShyQuail · 27/01/2026 09:45

Wow. Long thread here 😂

To summarise. You got the ick. You're done.

Personally i meet asap just to see if there is a spark. Quick day date, then ramp it up on 2nd date.

But agree, actions not meeting words. That would be it for me (plus the ick 😂)

Fancycrab · 27/01/2026 09:50

I do think he’s showing some major red flags for future jealous & controlling behaviour with the “excessive” (as you described it) FaceTiming and the love-bombing. I tend to find that men who say they want to treat you like a princess really mean they want to lock you in a tower like Rupunzel and never have another man look or talk to you again

outerspacepotato · 27/01/2026 09:51

You sound like very hard work.

Maybe you're doing things wrong. You're not the one with the bald dentist date who wanted him to call a cab because you were wearing heels and not dressed for the weather, are you? Because you sound just like.

Gremlings · 27/01/2026 09:56

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned.

Surely @Brummytobites you should have advised him that as that restaurant is SO popular, he needed to book well in advance.

How did you expect him to know?

In my 'big city' popular restaurants are booked up anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks ahead.

Why didn't you tell him?

I think it was YOU who messed up because you kept changing the date.
He did book the restaurant.
YOU kept asking to have the date moved back.
And of course by the time you decided you wanted to see him, it was fully booked.

Did you expect him to keep moving the date time after time , weeks ahead, until you decided you were 'ready'.

You're completely unreasonable.

I don't know why other posters didn't read this first post and understand what really happened. (me included!)

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 27/01/2026 10:03

Gremlings · 27/01/2026 09:56

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned.

Surely @Brummytobites you should have advised him that as that restaurant is SO popular, he needed to book well in advance.

How did you expect him to know?

In my 'big city' popular restaurants are booked up anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks ahead.

Why didn't you tell him?

I think it was YOU who messed up because you kept changing the date.
He did book the restaurant.
YOU kept asking to have the date moved back.
And of course by the time you decided you wanted to see him, it was fully booked.

Did you expect him to keep moving the date time after time , weeks ahead, until you decided you were 'ready'.

You're completely unreasonable.

I don't know why other posters didn't read this first post and understand what really happened. (me included!)

Edited

But, if HE had booked the date on the date SHE had said from day one she was happy to meet, instead of booking it for dates HE wanted and trying to persuade her it was better, then it would have been fine, surely?

Why is it on HER to tell him that a popular restaurant HE knows about in HIS city books up fast, because HE hasn't booked the date THEY agreed on and has instead tried to force different dates?

andweallsingalong · 27/01/2026 10:22

TragicMuse · 26/01/2026 20:11

OP, I think you’re getting an unnecessary kicking, but it’s AIBU, and the gloves come off!

I’m going to take a different view to most of the comments here. I think he’s love-bombing you and is now seeing what you’ll tolerate when he doesn’t do what he said he would or has led you to expect.

He kept pushing for meeting sooner and making bookings when you’d been clear that you didn’t want to yet. Maybe hoping you’d buckle and give in.

Now he’s not booked at all, again hoping you’ll compromise your expectations and standards.

He can say what he likes, it’s what he does that matters. And he’s fallen at the first fence. It’s a restaurant booking it’s not rocket science. And then he’s been sulky about you being less than enthusiastic about his fuck-up.

If it was me and I was already disappointed, feeling pressured, and having huge claims on my time I’d be calling it off…

I don’t think you’re being a princess. But even if you are, we’re constantly told to know our worth, raise the bar etc etc. so if this is your line that’s absolutely fine. Be true to yourself.

Edited

I agree with this.

It doesn't matter if people wouldn't have chosen a posh restaurant. If I could afford it maybe I would have, it feels safer.

Surely what matters is that OP suggested it and he agreed. He didn't have to agree.

She said she would book and he insisted he would. Then messed it up and kept trying to pressure her to bring it forward.

I don't think he ever had any intention of going to the posh restaurant, I think he was mirroring and hiding his true self.

The constant reassurance seeking. Is this what you want in a relationship.

I would run. This guy is giving controlling / coercive vibes.

Meliourous · 27/01/2026 10:29

I'm going to skip the 27 pages but this is how I read your situation without knowing many facts:

You're likely 'very hot' to him and he wants sex. He's figured that you're High Maintenance, so he's been chasing you in that way men do: saying impressive things, talking about his possessions if he has them, "bigging up" his social circles and contacts and, of course, this big, fancy dinner.

Booking a table at a restaurant is not that difficult. It's all about securing a booking. A table for two on a particular evening, at a specific time is either available or it it is not – so if he told you he had booked at a restaurant and then, for whatever reason it's fallen through, then this is the classic bait and switch. He's baited you with the booking, you're invested, and now he's cornered you into going as you've had your nails/hair done.

This is likely going to end in him having sex with you, if you fall for it, and then with him ghosting you.

The13thFairy · 27/01/2026 10:48

Brummytobites · 26/01/2026 15:11

I appreciate that’s how you like to date. But by the same appreciation, I don’t. Which is relevant in this case. The guy feels the same.

I would take offence to somebody wanting to see me so casually with such lack of effort. For me, dating is completely about making effort to pursue someone.

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Oh well. I wish you luck in your endeavours.

Benjaminbraddock · 27/01/2026 10:54

outerspacepotato · 27/01/2026 09:51

You sound like very hard work.

Maybe you're doing things wrong. You're not the one with the bald dentist date who wanted him to call a cab because you were wearing heels and not dressed for the weather, are you? Because you sound just like.

Yes I though it’s the same poster, and there was another very similar poster around the same time with a slightly different date complaint, I’m sure one of them had a similar brumkmie-based user name. Very similar responses and writing style.
the attitude reminds of a z list ‘celebrity’ on one of those trashy tv dating programmes

Pheebs87 · 27/01/2026 10:56

Wow the bar is set so low for dating these days! OP is stating that this venue was suggested to her, she can and does eat at this sort of place without a man and wants to be persued by someone with intentions. Just because others are happy for a cheap and cheerful coffee date doesn't mean everyone has the same standards. This guy has had 4 weeks to book this place and has made a mistake..... He should book for another time and woo her properly if he is interested. She isn't being prescious she just has high standards and good on her!!! It's about time the bar was raised when dating!!

duckfordinner · 27/01/2026 10:57

I don’t think you match. He isn’t confident enough and is over compensating/ love bombing you/ pretending to be someone he isn’t. Definitely sexually attracted to you and trying his best to sleep with you. How old are you both?

Donotgogentle · 27/01/2026 10:58

Benjaminbraddock · 27/01/2026 10:54

Yes I though it’s the same poster, and there was another very similar poster around the same time with a slightly different date complaint, I’m sure one of them had a similar brumkmie-based user name. Very similar responses and writing style.
the attitude reminds of a z list ‘celebrity’ on one of those trashy tv dating programmes

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I agree. Was it the op who was annoyed a man she considered not really up to her standards didn’t want a second date? She said she was a writer I think.

MollyMollyMandy33 · 27/01/2026 10:59

Brummytobites · 26/01/2026 15:07

The reason this place was chosen was because during talking we’d both expressed how we like the finer things in life.

if I eat out multiple times a week (as does he) why wouldn’t you want a first date to be a bit special? I’m not going somewhere I’d go on a Tuesday afternoon and calling it an occasion

Sorry to be rude, but even if you like ‘the finer things in life’ you are being a complete princess and this is completely OTT. Surely meeting him for the first time (if he really matters to you) is a million times more important than where you go. As others have said, it’s ridiculously dramatic. Why not settle for something a bit calmer and maybe just see if you like each other? It’s seems like fine dining is far more important than actually meeting this man, which is completely the wrong way round.

Gremlings · 27/01/2026 11:05

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 27/01/2026 10:03

But, if HE had booked the date on the date SHE had said from day one she was happy to meet, instead of booking it for dates HE wanted and trying to persuade her it was better, then it would have been fine, surely?

Why is it on HER to tell him that a popular restaurant HE knows about in HIS city books up fast, because HE hasn't booked the date THEY agreed on and has instead tried to force different dates?

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I think we seem to be reading two different posts!

You're twisting things.

He booked the meal 2 weeks ago.

Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks,

Two weeks or a few weeks?

He was not to know IN ADVANCE that she wanted to delay meeting him. They were having steamy phone calls several times a day. he'd think he was doing the right thing to crack on with the booking.

IF she had said right at the start 'I don't want to see you for 4 weeks, let's eat on the 24th January' fair enough.

Did she?

She was playing silly games and then when the place is booked she's having a tantrum.
And now she's blaming him.

Lunarises · 27/01/2026 11:05

You sound like a spoiled princess not going to lie you remind me of the entitled youtube girls who brings there friends to the date and expects the man to pay for you and your friends. Suggest another place u like and book there book it your self if your that botherd.

Pyjamatimenow · 27/01/2026 11:06

Brummytobites · 26/01/2026 15:05

Well, no. I’m not going to meet someone I’ve met on Instagram for a coffee without getting to know them first. Why would I put myself in that situation?

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You’re going about this all wrong. You can not date someone by text message or phone. You need to get off the apps and meet asap somewhere safe and get to know them in person. Then see if you both want to meet again for a longer date

toiletpaperthief · 27/01/2026 11:06

You're the red flag here, I feel sorry for the poor sod. You're buying an outfit, going for nails, expecting a five star meal and putting all this expectations on an internet stranger who could be a troll living in his mums basement. If a man acted like you I would deem him as a bit desperate (because he's trying so hard without having ever met me) but then I'm known for going on a coffee date with a track suit.