First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

But op still agreed to meet him at fancy venue and bought a dress knowing this.

So, you have standards, you like the finer things in life, you’re not into casual on a first date, you’ve been sharing everything with this man and putting off meeting him for weeks and he’s fumbled the date. Maybe he’s just not into you. In all honesty, you are behaving like a diva. You sound way more bothered about the venue than the date - all surface and no real connection. Maybe he’s picked up on that.

Change the place or change the date. If you’re excited to meet this guy, it truly shouldn’t matter (or at least not that much) in my opinion.

However, it is up to you to decide whether the planning mishap reflects a lack of care or an honest mistake.
and it it’s up to you to decide whether either option is something you’d want to accept in a relationship.

I'd get the ick by your first sentence

So, I completely agree that for a first date this seems way too high pressure, BUT that's not really the point.

He told you he was happy to go somewhere you wanted to go. Told you HE would take care of the arrangements as "the man" (I'd have gotten the ick here tbh). Didn't follow through and is now changing the goal posts on the type of date.

It doesn't actually matter whether he's done this for a high end restaurant or Costa. It's the actions behind it.

And the baby voice, pet names etc are all also massive ick factors.

It sounds like you're independent and looking for someone to enhance your life not provide it. Doesn't sound like he's that guy.

Do you live your entire life like this? With such ridiculously high standards for everything? You seem to care more about your expensive lifestyle than a proper connection with him. Also being treated like a Princess is something I’d expect a 5 year old to want, not a real adult human being. You don’t seem to want a genuine person who comes with faults. Would he be expected to treat you like a Princess for the remainder of your lives? Because that sounds exhausting…

I think this guy is doomed, he will never live up to your expectations. Not sure anyone will. Is it more important to go to this venue/ meal, or to spend time with him? There has been a miscommunication, easy when you don’t know each other well, but getting the ick is madness.

Yea you're being daft. Also waiting 4 weeks is a bit silly, you can't get to know people properly without meeting. Go for a walk/coffee early as possible.

Jesus. Let the man go, please.

What do you think we all did before Instagram!? Sounds like he’s had a lucky escape.

You can’t tell him how valuable your time is whilst also spending hours of your life talking to him, a stranger, for weeks on end.

This is confusing to me. Someone that values their time wouldn't waste 4 weeks chatting to someone they've never met. The reason most people get a quick coffee date out the way early days is because they value their time.
Whatever is giving you the ick now could have given you the ick 4 weeks ago if you'd just made the effort to meet in person.
Now you've wasted 4 weeks.

It appears the majority of posters are saying yabu. I apologise for not reading all of your replies although I did catch the post where you said you were ND.

Do you think this is adding to your frustration at something that in normal circumstances would be easily overcome by arranging an alternative date at this special place? If I thought I had a connection with someone who proved he was keen to get to know me and he seemed genuine, personally I wouldn't care if the initial meeting place didn't meet my expectations as long as they were met in the future given he knows my likes in this respect. If he is a high earner I assume he lives a very busy life. It's easy to mix up a booking when you have so much on your mind with work etc. I wouldn't fixate on this but I understand we are all different with different levels of tolerance.

@Brummytobitesyou asked whether you're being a princess - imo yes. You are demonstrating no flexibility or empathy for a mistake. If I was him I would be moving on. However I can also see that you are sticking to your guns about ‘liking the finer things in life’ so again, zero flexibility even when you ask for opinions. You come across as demanding and prone to tantrums when things go your way.

Yes, and get some advice. Get it in writing that you have reported the damp. Get it in writing that he wants to do an inspection. Take lots of photos of the damp and then proceed. He can't evict you because his house needs repair.

He does sound damp.

What if he smells or has halitosis? What if he has posted a picture from 5 to 10 years earlier. What if you don’t like him for some reason. Frankly, I think that the first date should be a coffee in daytime to see the real person. Save the meal, dress for your one month anniversary. It’s better to be able to have a quick get away.

Christ, what a load of childish nonsense. "Princess"? Are you 5 years old?

Yes you are being a princess. If he wants to give you the world, then your expectations are way off. He might give you a suburb in Birmingham at best.

Ps. The bigger ick is you calling someone babe. I now have a visual.

Haha, no idea why this posted here. May still being relevant though.

If princesses are tremendously entitled and obsessed with superficial qualities - then yes.

I think you should do him a big favour and say you don't want to meet anymore.

Because seemingly the people saying IABU are the ones missing the point and more concerned with snarky remarks about my preferences and lifestyle. The people saying IANBU are the ones who have read and comprehended that it’s about being given a script and then let down and messed about. If I cancel the date I’ll be going somewhere equally as nice with my friends instead (it’s nothing to do with the guy taking me)

If you really liked him you'd have overlooked the mix up over the booking of the restaurant. I assume you mean he left it too late to book and it was full?

BUT if this was the restaurant of your choice, why didn't you take control and book it? You were the one delaying meeting him till it suited you.

It's 2026- you don't have to become a little passive woman and let men 'treat you like a princess' and hang around for them to do the organising.

I think you need to decide who you are. A mature woman who goes into dating 50-50 or a passive woman from 100 years ago who want to be a princess and gets all upset over something very trivial.

Look- if you'd not spent 4 weeks talking online, all of this may have come out far sooner. Just get on with dating and stop making the first date so special.
Meet for a coffee- and if there were issues around that you've not wasted getting your nails done!

if I eat out multiple times a week (as does he) why wouldn’t you want a first date to be a bit special? I’m not going somewhere I’d go on a Tuesday afternoon and calling it an occasion

This is all utterly nuts. It’s normal to have a quick coffee first up. Thst way if the person is an immediate no go, you can keep it under 30mins, and if you really hit it off you can stretch it to a few cups and 90mins. It’s only after that you then go on to ‘talk’ let alone all this emotional stuff you are sprouting on with. Sharing the world with someone you have never met is bizarre. You seem to want to do it all backwards though, power to you if that’s your thing, but then throwing a tizz when there is a little hiccup? Good lord, just go somewhere else without fuss. Maybe a coffee as is typical in the first place so it doesn’t matter if it falls apart from there!

Another ick is 'I've gotten the ick'.
Ick is an awful word - another US import - and ' gotten' is US slang.

This is confusing to me. Someone that values their time wouldn't waste 4 weeks chatting to someone they've never met. The reason most people get a quick coffee date out the way early days is because they value their time.

Exactly, it’s pretty baffling.