First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Christ on a motor bike you sound the most high maintenance person ever!! Please cancel he will be better off it that’s you’re man concern on a date.
why could I meet for a coffee first….. to get to know someone face to face without rinsing them for money!

I would say Queen more than Princess, but i feel bad for him as he does not seem to have any standards

It's not a first date .. its a meet up to see if there is actually a spark.
Too over the top to do with someone you don't know everyone shows there best self at first.
Your setting yourselves up to be let down.
A coffee in a public place is absolutely fine if you feel comfortable to meet doesn't have to be all bells & whistles.

Totally agree.

Yanbu to be put off the date, you feel.what you feel. Ya generally bvu though and are setting ridiculous expectations for first dates, which appear a bit superficial and financially driven.

Having had some nightmares in my time the whole concept of getting dolled up for a posh restaurant is a disaster waiting to happen.

I'd have arranged just a drink or a coffee just in case a speedy getaway was needed.

and what are the finer things in life?

You sound a bit princessy. A nightmare, in fact. Well, it’s AIBU so it’s the place for honest answers.

Goodness.
Some of my first dates before I met my eventual partner included Five Guys, Pizza Express, and an Indian restaurant in Chiswick. All I wanted was for us to get to know each other, and have a good laugh and chat. And I don't have low standards, thanks very much. I'm just not a spoilt entitled brat.

Jesus wept you sound harder work than fixing the country

YABU - A first date is supposed to be you getting to know and spend time with a person... not a personal fantasy or opportunity to visit a particular destination.

Sorry OP, you sound very high maintenance. You shouldn't be jumping to a fancy dinner for the first date. A walk in the park/beach and a coffee is much more appropriate for first meeting

Maybe that’s why you are still single..

My dh made a big effort on our first date to book somewhere we would remember in case anything came of it. It did, but the only important part is that I met the right person. It could’ve been in the park. Better to meet the right one even if not ideal venue than the wrong one where you want to go!

Because obviously he could be lying about everything he has said to you, as well as messing up the ‘booking’. Go out and meet new people, social media isn’t the one

I have no words.........good luck with your dating journey - I have a number of a great cattery should you need to adopt some in your later years for company

Because coffee takes much less than a meal, if you don't like it, you can get out quick and trying to know him face to face in public place early means you save yourself weeks of wasting your tine if you dont think hes the guy for you.
You know, I might be reaching 50 soon but the best people I met were face to face, not spending weeks and weeks talking to them on internet. You read body language, you see their communication better as well as their quirks.
Best first date is a coffee is a public place. If things go well , you can move on to lunch . If not, just find an excuse and end the date on your terms. Done.

I don't think you are compatible and may as well call it quits now.

What if there is absolutely no spark irl then you are stuck in a fancy restaurant for a meal.

Better to go for a quick coffee or drink after work and arrange a nicer date further down the line if you get on ok.

I’d call it off. He’s had a lucky escape.

He may be about to dodge a bullet.

am I being a princess?

Yes you are.

I'm really sorry but I think that you are probably chatting to the B/SH**ER that I've been texting for months. Let me explain: I have this theory that some people are so messed up in the head from ' DATING' MULTIPLE PEOPLE, that they've spent YEARS just : NETFLIX and chill, that they've lost all social skills and etiquette; so what they do is OVER EMPHASISE their attraction to you and make it like going on a proper date seem like a trivial thing then go and sabotage the arrangements. They TRY to make it seem like it's YOUR fault for being TOO particular. Sorry but if I was in your shoes I would reciprocate with the mind games just to confuse him. If you agree to meet him and get seriously hooked on this MF then it will take all your strength to detach and heal.. Really sounds like the MF I've been texting with loads false promises.

You both sound insufferable to be honest.

If you genuinely liked him after all this face timing and chat about the finer things in life, then you genuinely wouldn't care where you went on your first date! You'd both be dropping everything just to get the chance to meet in person any where! I think the whole new outfit and expensive restaurant is highly performative and a huge distraction. If I can find a man interesting/alluring/sexy in a cafe then I know I really like him, not influenced by a flashy setting and promise of fine food.

You sound like u have great standards and self respect. More women should have this mindset. Dont drop ur standards!