First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

You sound like very hard work….

How much he wants to do for someone he hasn’t even met?! Yeah alright then

Urgh OP has given me the ick!

Sounds like the date is more about the dinner, than about meeting him 😣

And my local Wetherspoons is about the only place on the planet that sells a large dry white wine for £3 - what’s not to like?

You sound hard work! Also if he has so much time on his hands to face time you for hours, are you sure he has a job that can support the lifestyle you are craving?

Personally, this seems a bit much for a first date, and I'd be wanting something a bit more low-key.

HOWEVER, the actual issue is that he's said he'd do something, sort the date and booking etc, and then hasn't done it, which is having a knock on effect. You've both discussed what you want and would enjoy, and he's taken on the responsibility of doing it, but then hasn't. For me, that's a problem, in the same way as if someone had said 'oh I'll book bowling/ buy tickets to something', and then not doing that.
It's not the restaurant standard that's the issue, it's the going back on your word - if he'd said just after when you first agreed the date 'I've tried to book the restaurant we discussed, but it's fully booked for that evening. Here's some other places, or we can do a different date instead - they said they had spaces on Sunday afternoon' they you could have properly considered.

We sound like very different people, OP, but I am 100% hoping you sack this waster off. He’s testing your boundaries and, if that’s not enough, a sulky baby voice? Bleurgh 🤢

Agree with this. You’d be better off going for a coffee and it being super casual! Xo

Surely at this point he should be the one running a mile?

Gosh, maybe I’m a snob but the idea of such an over the top first date is just so dubai flavoured. I can’t think of anything tackier!

I would actually think that people who really value their time don’t spend hours agonising over a mumsnet thread about whether or not they should date the man who seems to have binned off the fancy plan in favour of Miller & Carter, they just met him for a coffee months ago and decided if they liked him enough to go on another date with him.

I agree. I think he’s got the ick too.

but I’ll have no problem covering the whole bill if I don’t like him.

how will you explain that?! Will you just say “I’m not into you so I’ll pay for our meal and drinks” ?!

So you’re both hungry, meal will soon be served , but you aren’t feeling it so you pay the bill and leave ? That’s kind of rude , what if he’s hungry?!

why don’t you move the date to another day where there is availability at the restaurant that you both want to go to? You can rearrange your nails or would they not last until then anyway?

You are being a princess, OP, but that's ok because it's better to be yourself in the dating process and if you prefer a very blingy type of a date, and only one place meets that need (where do you live?!) then that's how it is.

I don't think you should change, you do lack flexibility and he hasn't got the cash/quick off the mark in the way you like- dating is a way to get to know this about each other, so no harm done, you don't need to go on the date if you already have the ick and you won't enjoy it.

You sound high maintenance. Do him a favour and don't meet him.

Mmmm. I hear what others are saying. Butttttt.. it sounds a bit like ‘love bombing’ and pretending but then failing to deliver. It COULD be a red flag. Do the date but be hyper vigilant for similar behaviour again?

He sounds a bit needy.

You sound high maintenance if I'm honest. It's giving me the ick just reading it. 😬😅

Nailed it.

The reading comprehension is fine. You asked are you being a princess, the answer is mainly yes, you are. But you're ok with that because you don't want to lower your standards, which is fine, so why ask?
I think the question here is whether he does actually have the same tastes as you, or he's just saying it to draw you in. It may be an innocent mistake, and he's just unorganised (which would depend on how compatible you were otherwise and how much of a priority that is for you as to how much that would be a deal breaker) or it may be the love bombing, testing thing that others have mentioned, in which case maintaining your standards would be protective and a good choice.

I still think the biggest mistake, from both parties, was spending weeks messaging before meeting. There’s every chance they won’t even fancy each other if they do actually meet up

Honestly I think you should just end it. Your posts paint a clear picture you're just not really into this guy, as well as a few potential red flags from him.

You're not happy with the perceived lack of effort from him finding an alternative standard of restaurant, which is fine, and if it was that alone it might be "princess" behaviour but it's just another thing on his 'cons' list for you and that's what you're focusing on. You both have very different communication styles, from the speed you want to meet, to finding his want for face timing annoying, you call him attention seeking... This isn't someone you speak warmly of and there doesn't seem to be any real desire to want to meet him.

Just end it honestly because if it's negative before the first date, it's going to get worse for the both if you.

... you're weird, OP.