First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

“Am I being a princess?”

Yes. And a totally arrogant and insufferable sounding narcissist 😳

Why are you asking the question if you're just going to say that anyone that doesn't agree with you is wrong and/or lacks the capacity to understand your question? It's actually made me chuckle.

There's not a lot to get here. You spent a month talking with someone and you each shared your love of pricey restaurants. He promised to take you to one for your first date. You both agreed it was important. He mucked it up and has suggested something more casual. We get it. And I get why that would upset you.

I think what people are pointing out here is that the whole thing is just kind of odd? I don't think this is a regular ick. This is your gut telling you that you don't know this person but you're treating your whole relationship with him like you do. You've got a bit carried away. You don't get to know people over email / text so I don't know why you think you needed a month of that before meeting him. They're just showing you who they want you to think they are. Also, it's such a red flag to me that he would invest so much of his time in someone he hasn't met. Not to mention the fact that he's also often checked to see if he's annoyed you?

As other people have told you, you meet a person casually, find out if you like them, then invest in a dress and a fancy restaurant for your first date if you like. The fact that you keep telling people that that's just not your way because somehow coffee isn't special enough, well, that's the problem. Your way is not healthy or mature or dare I say it, reasonable. I don't think you're a princess. You just sound super immature. I find it hard to believe you're not a teenager. How does a grown woman think like this?

He can"t book a reservation but he "runs online businesses from home", interesting, what sort of business is he running?

He's lovely bombed you. Got you all giddy and excited and your defenses are down..

Have a quick informal coffee meetup or ghost him. Either way you need boundaries in place for this one.

As the world deals with incels and a low birth rate in the UK, I'll remember this thread 😂

I think the ick is that he’s a bit childish / incapable it’s not about the restaurant really.

Sounds like he’s going to have a lucky escape. The date should be about spending time with the person, not about a fancy destination.

But a fancy restaurant is ok?! Get over yourself 🤣

Just say pity it got mucked up, just book it again and we'll do it then. Simples.

OP doesn't care what the businesses are, it's just important to her that he's loaded...

This ^^^

Or at least isn't lying or playing a part.

As per your question you are definitely being a princess

Why would you waste time, I meet up within 2 weeks maximum. Im not chatting for weeks then there's no vibe in person. There are safe ways to do this

Poor guy, you sound like high maintenance and not even had a date yet...

I agree

You’re being ridiculous

yes - I didnt out it right. I posted another comment to say dont put up with that. I had a horrific breakdwon and it cost me everything I worked for

“You’ve wasted a month of your life pointlessly texting some muppet” made me laugh out loud!

Do you really buy a new outfit every single time you go for a meal with friends?!

He isn"t though, everyone on the thread knows that...except the OP...

Christ I’ve not got to the end of the first page and I’ve lost count of red flags from both sides. I’ve got the ick.

You sound insufferable 🤢

Exactly. Have you looked him up on Companies House OP?

Sounds like one of them is very hard work….